STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Metric · Gucci

question for a friend

relrel · Marc Jacobs

i did a quick search under google for "adults only wedding invitations" and glanced through a couple of sites pretty quickly. most said that only putting the adults name on the invitation is the best way, some also said that a brief note at the very bottom that says "adults only, please" is okay too. pretty much the gist of the sites was that since it is your wedding and you are paying for it than you can do whatever you want. imo, putting the adults only request at the bottom of the invitations is going to generate a whole lot less stress and fuss than if it wasn't put on and people brought thier kids and ruined the day.

hope that helps...!

Elle · Hermes

Technically according to etiquette, including 'no kids' anywhere on the invite is a major faux-pas.

Some things that will help get the point across:

As you suggested, addressing invites specifically aka Marge and Homer Simpson instead of The Simpson Family

Including a line on the RSVPs that says something like '2 seats have been reserved in your honor' or '(blank) of 2 guests will be attending'.

Including 'Formal reception to follow' at the bottom of the invite

Or using 'Adult reception to follow', if she wants to walk the line a bit

I'm sure the time is already set, but generally the later a wedding/reception is the less likely people will plan on bringing their children.

Also, even after all of that, there is bound to be at least one family that responds that '4 of 2 guests will be attending'. I'd have a person or people ready to deal with that problem with a polite phone call when/if the situation does arise.

jen · Kate Spade

DO NOT assume that just saying Marge and Homer instead of The Simpson family will get her point across. My brother graduated from U of M last year and my parents addressed the invites like that and a week before the party, all hell broke loose because everyone thought they could bring their rugrats with them. I'd say 'adult reception.' Hopefully they'll get the point with that and having it only being addressed to Mr. and Mrs. hth!

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

I see on invites all the time ceremony at XX time and then the next line says followed by an adult reception. I think it gets the point across.

laken1 · Hermes

How many people are we talking about? Is it ok to kind of "spread the word"?

I'd have to agree that boldly stating it is probably against etiquette, which is why I think screw etiquette, it's her wedding. But I know everyone doesn't feel that way.

-- Edited by laken1 at 23:44, 2006-02-01

e_doli · Dooney & Bourke

I agree with laken1 -- rules of etiquette may be against stating "adults only", but rules of etiquette also say that if the invite is addressed to "marge and homer", only marge and homer are invited.

i think what it comes down to whether your friend is more concerned with following the rules of etiquette or keeping children away from her wedding.

better to make it clear from the start. there are going to be people who complain about it, but at least if they know when the invite arrives, they will have time to make arrangements for their kids. if it's not totally clear on the invite (and most people need EVERYTHING spelled out for them) and they realized weeks later, the uproar will be even greater b/c then it will not only be "i can't believe we can't bring our screaming kids -- how inconvienent", but "now it's too late to find a babysitter".

i think the "adult reception" line is a nice way state that children are not invited, BUT is your friend okay with kids at the ceremony? b/c if you say "adult reception", they may think it's okay to bring their kids to the ceremony and just send them away for the reception. (i have been to weddings where people did this.) just something to think about...

serisvictoria · BCBG

i would put in the invitaion that it is adults only or that there should be no one under a certain age.

nyc_shopgirl · Dooney & Bourke

Maybe she should check her response cards and then make phone calls but address invites to Mr. and Mrs. Homer Simpson if Marge and HOmer put down 5 attending she can or her mother, or FMIL call them and say oh we are limited on the space and so we are keeping it adult only.

Maat · Kenneth Cole

nyc_shopgirl wrote:

Maybe she should check her response cards and then make phone calls but address invites to Mr. and Mrs. Homer Simpson if Marge and HOmer put down 5 attending she can or her mother, or FMIL call them and say oh we are limited on the space and so we are keeping it adult only.

Good idea, but what if someone's husband can't make it and she decides to bring her 8 year old instead though?

I think the least stressful thing your friend can do is mention that it is adults only on the invite. I know some people may consider it bad etiquette, but I think the likelihood of at least one person misunderstanding and bringing a child is high if it isn't spelled out. A friend's wedding shower is coming up and it is no kids allowed and one of her friends was like, "well, you don't mean <her toddler's name>, right?"

-- Edited by Maat at 12:40, 2006-02-04

NCshopper · Hermes

I think putting "Adult only reception" or something to that effect is perfectly fine. Unfortunately, I don't think that "Marge and Homer Simpson" is enough to get the point across. The people that don't get that "Marge and Homer Simpson" means NO to Lisa, Bart and Maggie are the same people that won't know that "adult only reception" is technically not very etiquetteful. (I made up that word, and I'm kinda liking it! ) Anyway, so my point is that some people are kinda dense about these kinds of things, and they're likely not to be offended.

I have no idea about these kinds of things, but is there a way she could print two sets of invitations? 1 set that has "adult only reception" that would go just to people that have kids, and another set that doesn't have that disclaimer for the older generation for whom kids aren't an issue and who would likely see the disclaimer as a faux pas.

Eurodaisy · Dooney & Bourke

nyc_shopgirl wrote:

Maybe she should check her response cards and then make phone calls but address invites to Mr. and Mrs. Homer Simpson if Marge and HOmer put down 5 attending she can or her mother, or FMIL call them and say oh we are limited on the space and so we are keeping it adult only.

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I actually think this is a good idea. Just deal with it on a case by case basis. "Adults only" on the invitation might be okay, too, but don't use "No children, please"... I just think that's too harsh, and even though it's her wedding, she still needs to be a gracious hostess.