STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

So annoyed at work

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

What a ninny.

I am sorry, but I don't have any advice. Please know that I feel for you, and this guy sounds like a real dipshit. At the very least, he might be so socially inept that he blurts out inappropriate stuff out of nervousness.

How is he outside of work?

Suasoria · Chanel

I'm so sorry you have to put up with that. It's really tacky and offensive and ugh...I wish it was atypical.

It's comparatively minor, but it took me a few years to finally train the men at work who are my equals not to use the word "girl" when referring to women, particularly employees of our clients, not really people they actually knew well. It would come up as things like, "Raj at Techco hired a new girl to handle marketing and I have a con-call with her later today..." or "I got an email from Josh's girl that he can't do the meeting at Investorco." There was a "transition period" when they'd catch themselves saying it and go "I know, I know, I shouldn't say that, but anyway..." and then eventually they stopped.

Boots · Gucci

Wow. That's inappropriate even at a bar, let alone your office in front of somebody else.

I'm not the type to get overly offended by what people say. Being called a girl or kiddo doesn't bother me. Let's put it this way, my boss referred to me as a "junk yard dog" yesterday when reassuring an IRS agent that I would retrieve needed info from a client. I called him on it once we were alone, but I wasn't particularly offended. It was more of a way to let him know I heard the conversation and give him a bit of trouble for it. I know that he meant that I was relentless and would get the job done. And when you work in an office of all men (2 brothers, one of their cousins and my own brother) you get used to a level of family familiarity.

But referring to a woman as a slut or skank or bitch or that c word (which I hate with all my soul above all words) is out of line no matter the situation. I have 2 brothers and I made extremely sure that they learned that it is NEVER Ok to call any woman any of these words in jest or misplaced affectionate teasing.

I think some of the problem stems from other women. We've all heard women refer to another friend as "bitch" or "slut." And when we do it to ourselves, it makes it all that much harder to call it on the guys when they do it.

For the record, I think that you handled it extremely well. And I think that if this guy is any sort of decent friend, his half hearted apology was probably out of embarrassment. The only way to know is to see if he does it again. One time is a learn-able mistake on his part. A second time shows a real lack of respect for you as a co-worker and as a friend.

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

Suasoria wrote:
I'm so sorry you have to put up with that. It's really tacky and offensive and ugh...I wish it was atypical.

It's comparatively minor, but it took me a few years to finally train the men at work who are my equals not to use the word "girl" when referring to women, particularly employees of our clients, not really people they actually knew well. It would come up as things like, "Raj at Techco hired a new girl to handle marketing and I have a con-call with her later today..." or "I got an email from Josh's girl that he can't do the meeting at Investorco." There was a "transition period" when they'd catch themselves saying it and go "I know, I know, I shouldn't say that, but anyway..." and then eventually they stopped.

This. My female boss had a real habit of referring to her department as 'kids' and while making her and her boss seem like the mom and dad. I complained to her boss about it (along with a list of other things) and she has since stopped. She took a lot of offense, claiming that the whole kids/parents thing was endearing, as if we were family but she didn't realize how it projects an image of the "kids" being immature, untrustworthy, rowdy, silly, while the "parents" ruled the house, made decisions, made the money etc. Innappropriate for work. I have parents and they don't work with me.