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Marc Jacobs

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So annoyed at work
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There's a guy at work who I'm friendly with.  We live half a mile from eachother and sometimes take the train home or split a cab.  We have other friends in common as well.  He used to work on a different floor in my building but recently, I've been relocated to the same floor.  Since then, he often comes into my office (sometimes several times a day), with questions that are barely relevant.  He often stops me as I'm leaving or yells my name as I enter the floor to ask other irrelevant questions.  

Today, he saw that a work friend endered my office.  He trapsed in, with no particular purpose it seemed, and made a joke about being a gentleman.  I sarcastically responded something like "Well, I'm not sure about that.." to which he responded, "Okay... SKANKS!" 

I basically told him that was not okay, it was offensive and inappropriate; that while we are friendly, this is my office, we are at work and not at the bar.  He rolled his eyes, acted like I was being sensitive, and gave a fake apology.  He then wanted to ask me a work-related question.  I told him to come back later because I was too heated for a proper work conversation.

Also, I should mention that this same guy got written up by our HR dept because he allegedly called another female on his team a c*nt.  

Tere's so much latent sexism and mysogny at work that people don't even realize it.  While my sarcasm may have not been the most professional thing I've ever said at work, I am flabberghasted at the fact that his rebuttle was so derogatory and also sexual.  Why is it that the first insult people jump to for women is slut/whore??



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Marc Jacobs

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What a ninny. 

I am sorry, but I don't have any advice. Please know that I feel for you, and this guy sounds like a real dipshit. At the very least, he might be so socially inept that he blurts out inappropriate stuff out of nervousness.

How is he outside of work?



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Chanel

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I'm so sorry you have to put up with that. It's really tacky and offensive and ugh...I wish it was atypical.

It's comparatively minor, but it took me a few years to finally train the men at work who are my equals not to use the word "girl" when referring to women, particularly employees of our clients, not really people they actually knew well. It would come up as things like, "Raj at Techco hired a new girl to handle marketing and I have a con-call with her later today..." or "I got an email from Josh's girl that he can't do the meeting at Investorco." There was a "transition period" when they'd catch themselves saying it and go "I know, I know, I shouldn't say that, but anyway..." and then eventually they stopped.



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Gucci

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Wow. That's inappropriate even at a bar, let alone your office in front of somebody else.

I'm not the type to get overly offended by what people say. Being called a girl or kiddo doesn't bother me. Let's put it this way, my boss referred to me as a "junk yard dog" yesterday when reassuring an IRS agent that I would retrieve needed info from a client. I called him on it once we were alone, but I wasn't particularly offended. It was more of a way to let him know I heard the conversation and give him a bit of trouble for it. I know that he meant that I was relentless and would get the job done. And when you work in an office of all men (2 brothers, one of their cousins and my own brother) you get used to a level of family familiarity.

But referring to a woman as a slut or skank or bitch or that c word (which I hate with all my soul above all words) is out of line no matter the situation. I have 2 brothers and I made extremely sure that they learned that it is NEVER Ok to call any woman any of these words in jest or misplaced affectionate teasing.


I think some of the problem stems from other women. We've all heard women refer to another friend as "bitch" or "slut." And when we do it to ourselves, it makes it all that much harder to call it on the guys when they do it.

For the record, I think that you handled it extremely well. And I think that if this guy is any sort of decent friend, his half hearted apology was probably out of embarrassment. The only way to know is to see if he does it again. One time is a learn-able mistake on his part. A second time shows a real lack of respect for you as a co-worker and as a friend.

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Marc Jacobs

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Suasoria wrote:

I'm so sorry you have to put up with that. It's really tacky and offensive and ugh...I wish it was atypical.

It's comparatively minor, but it took me a few years to finally train the men at work who are my equals not to use the word "girl" when referring to women, particularly employees of our clients, not really people they actually knew well. It would come up as things like, "Raj at Techco hired a new girl to handle marketing and I have a con-call with her later today..." or "I got an email from Josh's girl that he can't do the meeting at Investorco." There was a "transition period" when they'd catch themselves saying it and go "I know, I know, I shouldn't say that, but anyway..." and then eventually they stopped.


 This.  My female boss had a real habit of referring to her department as 'kids' and while making her and her boss seem like the mom and dad.  I complained to her boss about it (along with a list of other things) and she has since stopped.  She took a lot of offense, claiming that the whole kids/parents thing was endearing, as if we were family but she didn't realize how it projects an image of the "kids" being immature, untrustworthy, rowdy, silly, while the "parents" ruled the house, made decisions, made the money etc.  Innappropriate for work.  I have parents and they don't work with me.



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