STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

kenzie · Chanel

Kids at a reception

Tati · Chanel

I agree with you. Don't give up! You deserve your party! Would it be too much money for you and SO to get the nearest room and pay for it so that way all the kids can be there? And hopefully you or a family member can find a sitter for that special night? That way when the party is over, the parents can just pick them up real close, or they may even decide to get a room themselves....
Some people just don't get the kid issue. Seems like your SO is one of those....

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

I think it is completely fine to not invite the children to the reception, especially if your SO sees them regularly. It would be different if family was flying in and he rarely saw them. But, since that doesn't seem to be the case, it seems best that they don't come.

But, to offer a suggestion, a friend of mine had her wedding and reception at a very post hotel. After the ceremony the kids went to a suite where there was a baby-sitter, kid friendly food, movies adn I think they even got some sort of entertainment (clown or something). And, that way parents could check on them, and pick them up from the suite before returning to their room for the night. Perhaps you can spin this idea off into something workable.

But, if not, I still think it is more than okay to have an adult party just for adults. They would be bored at the reception you are planning and would only act out for attention.

Good luck!

FWIW, DH and I got married destination style with just family, then had a cocktail reception once we got back. Kids were allowed but mostly because family was coming in from out of state, and there weren't that many of them. These families were the first to leave since the kids were bored and tired. So, if you invite them, it could solve its self...

kenzie · Chanel

Tati, I had thought about the hiring a sitter thing. I might look into it a little further. The restaurant itself is tiny and the terrace only fits about 60 people. I'd rather not waste space with a bunch of kids and have to cut out some of my friends because of that (I know that sounds terrible, but who brings a kid to a cocktail party? For real.) There's no other room in the restaurant to rent. It would have to be someplace else nearby (like the Y???). Does the Y do stuff like that????

It's not about not be able to afford it (unless it's insanely expensive); it's that I don't want to spend money on it. That's one reason we're not having a big wedding. We'd rather spend our money on other things. If we start adding this here and that there, we might as well just say, "oh heck with it. let's just have a big wedding to appease the masses." KWIM?

kenzie · Chanel

greendiamond wrote:

But, to offer a suggestion, a friend of mine had her wedding and reception at a very post hotel. After the ceremony the kids went to a suite where there was a baby-sitter, kid friendly food, movies adn I think they even got some sort of entertainment (clown or something). And, that way parents could check on them, and pick them up from the suite before returning to their room for the night. Perhaps you can spin this idea off into something workable.

That could work. There is a really nice hotel attached to this restaurant.

PS- We're not even having a ceremony where people will be invited. It will be at the courthouse with just our parents.

PPS- He sees his family, including the kids, at least once a month, usually more.

-- Edited by kenzie on Tuesday 20th of April 2010 09:07:33 AM

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

Then maybe you can rent a room, hire a sitter and order pizza and kids movies and get them their own little wedding cake to eat. They are included without being included. And, parents who over cocktail themsevles can stay in the hotel and just pick up their kids. Seems perfect! You could even stop by the room with hubby to greet them before going to your cocktail party.

kenzie · Chanel

^I will run that idea by him and see what he thinks. I personally love it!

Elle · Hermes

I think it's a great idea, too. I hope SO agrees to it because it's really your best bet!

Boots · Gucci

Another suggestion is to have a "special day" with the kids after the wedding. Maybe take them all out for pizza or mini golf. Somewhere where your guy could connect and celebrate with his nieces and nephews. From what I understand from your posts, this connection seems to be very important to him. Giving him an event to celebrate with the younger members of his family will probably do a lot towards making them, and him, feel special. And if his side of the family already know about the "kids only" wedding event, they will be much less likely to create drama over not having kids at the reception.

kenzie · Chanel

This is a good idea as well, Boots. I'll run that by him, too.

Thanks for all the suggestions, everyone!

HeatherLynn · Gucci

I think you have great suggestions already. I don't think there is anything wrong with not inviting children (address the invitations to the adults only, follow all rules of etiquette, etc) and it is extremely common anymore. Since it doesn't seem like there will be a lot of out of town guests and small cocktail party I think it makes it even more acceptable. I like the idea of providing a babysitter. This is because there will be some people who either make a big deal about it to other family members, who then mention it to you and creating an on-going headache and drama. Also, you have to expect (and not be offended) that some people may choose not to attend. Ultimately, they are able to make that decision and be okay with it, just like you should be okay with not inviting them. Good luck. For what it's worth, if I was in your situation, I would absolutely not invite children. I would either provide a babysitter (depending on cost) or just say (in my head, not to my SO because that will create additional drama) that I'm okay with them not attending if they can't leave their children at home for one night.

Suasoria · Chanel

kenzie wrote:

who brings a kid to a cocktail party? For real.

Right?? Arggh.

All the options are really good but I definitely advise paying for the babysitter yourselves so there's really NO excuse for any whining from the parents about being put out on your behalf.

Kel · Coach

greendiamond wrote:

Then maybe you can rent a room, hire a sitter and order pizza and kids movies and get them their own little wedding cake to eat. They are included without being included. And, parents who over cocktail themsevles can stay in the hotel and just pick up their kids. Seems perfect! You could even stop by the room with hubby to greet them before going to your cocktail party.

I have seen this done before at weddings that I been too and everyone is happy! I think it is a good compromise. It is your day and you should have everything the way you want it!

Hermes

I opted to scrap the reception when I got married. It so quickly becomes all about the attendees, and not you. It boils down to being thousands of dollars for a few hours of a party. I opted for new windows in our house instead. Perhaps you will opt to spend the thousands of dollars for moving to California instead... Just a thought.

However, I like the idea of a separate picnic or pizza thing that includes kids - on another day. If his siblings dont want to come to a cocktail party because they can't bring their kids, then I guess they won't be a part of the party (personally, I find the notion of bringing kids to a cocktail party ridiculous.)

Perhaps you have a cocktail party with friends and family that wish to attend without kids, then an additional big picnic or rent a barn or tent with kid-friendly activities for all friends and family...

kenzie · Chanel

The more I'm trying to deal with this stupid reception, the less I want it. But, we're not even having a wedding, so I thought we should at least do something fun. But it's just getting to be way too big of a PITA for me to even want to deal with it. And having two parties and paying twice? Just no. I don't want to spend all that crazy money. Like you said D, there are so many better things for us to spend money on.

Hermes

kenzie wrote:

The more I'm trying to deal with this stupid reception, the less I want it. But, we're not even having a wedding, so I thought we should at least do something fun. But it's just getting to be way too big of a PITA for me to even want to deal with it. And having two parties and paying twice? Just no. I don't want to spend all that crazy money. Like you said D, there are so many better things for us to spend money on.

For whatever it's worth, I have no regrets.

kenzie · Chanel

D wrote:

kenzie wrote:

The more I'm trying to deal with this stupid reception, the less I want it. But, we're not even having a wedding, so I thought we should at least do something fun. But it's just getting to be way too big of a PITA for me to even want to deal with it. And having two parties and paying twice? Just no. I don't want to spend all that crazy money. Like you said D, there are so many better things for us to spend money on.

For whatever it's worth, I have no regrets.

I just sent SO a text and told him to forget the reception. We've barely started planning and there are already headaches. I'm not down with that. He was like, "Cool. Let's just go do whatever we want to do that day." Issue closed.

The amusing part is that most people will find out we got married via a Facebook relationship status update since whenever the rings come in is when we'll go to the JP. No wedding invites or announcements. Just a quiet update. Much better than spending tons of money on a day I don't want.

-- Edited by kenzie on Wednesday 21st of April 2010 10:07:15 AM

Kelly · Hermes

Perfect! Now you can have a little day to yourselves to celebrate your new marriage - and no kids!

Suasoria · Chanel

kenzie wrote:

Much better than spending tons of money on a day I don't want.

I hear ya. A few weeks after our wedding one of my cousins threw us a party in her big backyard, and invited the whole extended family, about 100 people. It was very casual and we didn't have to do anything. So perhaps someone else will step up to the plate. While we had a somewhat typical ceremony and reception, it was relatively small - immediate families and friends only - so the family party was more for their benefit than ours.

kenzie · Chanel

Suasoria wrote:

kenzie wrote:

Much better than spending tons of money on a day I don't want.

I hear ya. A few weeks after our wedding one of my cousins threw us a party in her big backyard, and invited the whole extended family, about 100 people. It was very casual and we didn't have to do anything. So perhaps someone else will step up to the plate. While we had a somewhat typical ceremony and reception, it was relatively small - immediate families and friends only - so the family party was more for their benefit than ours.

That sounds like a nice, small ceremony. Unfortunately, it would be impossible for us to keep it small with SO's family- his immediate family alone has 25 people. And the extended family would probably not be very pleased if they weren't invited, so we're already looking at 100+ guests and that's before any of my friends or family or any of his friends. Just impossible. I'd rather not deal with it at all.

Perhaps someone will throw us a party (they probably will), which is just fine as long as I don't have to plan it.

-- Edited by kenzie on Wednesday 21st of April 2010 02:36:31 PM