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DC Shopper


Dooney & Bourke

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wedding rant (long and whiny, the best kind)
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i am seriously getting frustrated with being a part of other peoples' weddings.  at first i was excited but now i am getting impatient with all the bs.  don't get me wrong, i am still honored to be a part of their big day and am so happy for my friends, but my bitchy side is starting to come out.  immediately after my wedding, 3 of my bms are getting married.  i am in two of their weddings - one is in Hawaii.  i have tried so hard to make things affordable for my girls, choosing a j crew dress with a discount code that doesn't look too bridesmaid-y, keeping the bachelorette in town, hinting that i didn't want huge gifts at my shower, asking the girls what they're willing to spend on shoes and choosing a pair from Newport News for $20.


in return:


1)  i am asked to go on expensive out of town bachelorette parties (one taking place the weekend before my wedding so i didn't really have the option of going anyway).  I'm not going to either because I can't afford it, but really wish I could have been part of the festivities - would have been if they took place in town.


2)  i offered to throw a shower for one friend, looking forward to making decorations and planning a festive but small party at my house.  being nice, I asked bride's younger sister if she wanted to be included in the planning of it.  sister of the bride co-opts shower, decides to have it at a restaurant (and only realizes that we shouldn't expect guests to pay their own way after I pointed it out to her) sends out evites naming only herself as the hostess, and but appears to expect me to still "help out" - i.e., split the bill with her.


3)  one friend asked me to spend more on her bm shoes than she said she was willing to spend on mine ($30, her shoes cost $45), and to top it off she chose rhinestone studded sandals from DSW, justifying it by saying she was sure we could wear them again.  I've seen them, and I doubt I will.  Turns out they were almost sold out and didn't come in my size so she is asking me to wear a half size larger that my shoe size.  The shoes are a good 1/2 inch to an inch longer than my foot.  and btw, can i write a check to her soon so she can pay off her credit card bill.  her bm dress cost close to $200 until we convinced her to order it online.  and it's cute but i'll never wear it again.  sigh.


and 4) not related to other people's weddings, but am already getting response cards back with extra, uninvited guests added in!  hey, 2nd cousin Vlodjo, i don't recall inviting your adult daughter, who I've never met in my life.


my saving grace: bride #3 is my MOH and totally chill about her wedding - her mom is planning the entire thing and there will only be like 60 people invited.  she doesn't want a shower or bachelorette.  cool.


i know i'm coming off like a total bitch and probably making my friends sound like they are evil - which they're not, but it's like everyone is so pumped about their own day that they figure everyone else can make sacrifices here and there to accomodate them - but it all adds up and i shouldn't get this worked up about it but i feel like people are being inconsiderate!  if the weddings were more spaced out i would probably not even notice but i am feeling the crunch now.  also i guess i notice little things more since i'm planning my own wedding and trying to be considerate of other people.


phew.  thanks for letting me vent.  feel free to add to my vent with your own stories.  i'll feel better.


 



-- Edited by DC Shopper at 00:26, 2005-04-07

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Elle


Hermes

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Oy!  The sheer volume of brides in your near vicinity is bad news bears.  I'm sure all of you have wedding tunnel vision, which makes even the people who are sane normally forget that anyone else in the world actually exists and that they (gasp!) might have a wedding of their own. 


"What do you mean you can't afford this $895 bridesmaid dress?!?  If you can't wear it it'll ruin my special daaaaaaaaaaaay!!!"


Some hyper-controlling bride craziness is expected - kinda comes with the territory.  But that doesn't mean that all common sense should fly right out the window.  I'm really suprised that these girls have continued to act this way - you'd think they would have seen one of the others in the group do it and realized how tasteless and unreasonable they were being.


Do you think your friendships can survive Bridezilla?



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valenciana


Dooney & Bourke

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Hey...I am completely there with you.  My MOH and very best friend got married about 3 weeks ago, and while I love her and was very happy for her and thrilled to be part of her wedding, I could not wait for it to be over.  She lives in DC.  I live in Nashville.  I had already flown up there three times because she asked me to (to help her shop for dresses, etc.) since she got engaged last February.  I had previously talked to her mom about sort of co-hosting a shower, since I had nowhere to have it in DC and my friend's apartment was definitely not big enough, etc.  So her mom was completely agreeable about me throwing a shower and having it at her house.  So the time rolls around to plan it...turns out, my friend's aunt is already planning a shower, to be held at her mom's house, and inviting all kinds of people.  It couldn't be cancelled or changed, because it was a Pampered Chef shower, and therefore already set up with the PC people, or something, I really have no idea what was going on.  Meanwhile, my friend calls me and is like, "so when is my shower?"  I was totally offended.  You don't ASK for a shower, right?  I try to be honest with her, about the difficulty of planning it from afar, having nowhere to have it except at a restaurant, which as you said, is mucho expensivo, and my own financial situation right now, since I am getting married too, and moving, and being unemployed, etc., that I want to have it, but I need help.  Then she tells me that I can cohost the shower that her aunt is giving her.  Well that's nice of her, except as I said, it was already planned, couldn't be changed, and I had to work that Saturday.  Anyway, long story short, I called like 500 restaurants in DC, finally found one that I could afford and could accommodate us, etc.  Sent out invitations (and oh yeah, she couldn't get me the addresses until like 2 weeks, TWO WEEKS) before the shower because they were on her FI's computer, and he was "sick" or something.  ???  I don't even know.  Anyway, like 5 days before the shower, this friend of hers up there emails me and asks if I NEED ANY HELP WITH THE SHOWER.  WTF?  Yeah, great, thanks for offering your apartment, your local help, etc. 5 days before.  In the end, only like four people came, and the restaurant wasn't that great.  So it was kind of a flop, and I felt bad, but then the really horrible part of me actually didn't feel that bad, because I had done my duty.  Not to mention, this was her *third* shower.  And I can't help but feel a little annoyed about it too, since I won't be having a shower at all, because none of my friends or family live anywhere near each other and I already know they wouldn't come if I had one.  So it would be like me, my mom, and my friend (MOH), if she could even come down to give it.  Yeah, I traveled up there for her two engagement parties, to help her dress shop, to give her a shower, and then of course for the wedding, and she has never come to visit me, before or since I got engaged.  I know, I didn't have to do all that, but at the time I was happy to do it, because she is my friend.  But most of January and February (her wedding was in March), I was feeling pretty bitter.  Not very nice, but true.  Also spending so much time planning this stuff and doing bride-damage-control in the weeks leading up to her wedding pushed my own planning back, and I didn't get my bm dresses ordered when I should have, which is really my own fault, but the time just slipped away, and I really tried to put my own stuff on hold to help her.  Anyway, yeah, I've found my heart of darkness, and it is being my best bridezill-I mean friend's MOH. 


Another of my bms is getting married the Saturday before me, but she is totally laid back.  She just came to visit me and brought me my bm dress, off the rack from Hecht's, on clearance for $20, and her grandma decided to pay for the dresses anyway.  She is super relaxed.  (Her dress is off the rack too, and she is walking down the aisle to her brother playing Guns n Roses on the guitar, if that gives you an idea of the relaxation here.)  I can't attend her shower because once again, I'm forced to work that Saturday, but she is completely understanding.  It is a good feeling.  But still, just knowing that I have someone else's wedding to deal with makes everything stressful.


Okay, I think my post was even longer than yours...sorry.  Just trying to share in the misery.  Heh.  Feel free to vent anytime.



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DC Shopper


Dooney & Bourke

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i'm glad i'm not the only one, or i'd feel like a big meanie.  i thouroughly enjoyed reading your post, valenciana, and i feel your pain.


LMonet, i think my friendships will last; no one is being mean or demanding, just thoughtless.  i think the one bride felt pretty bad about the shoe debacle, but obviously not bad enough to offer to pay for the shoes or let me wear a different style!  sigh.  oh well, i guess there aren't too many weddings i'll get to be a part of after these two so i should just grin and bear it for the time being.



-- Edited by DC Shopper at 13:45, 2005-04-07

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valenciana


Dooney & Bourke

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quote:
Originally posted by: DC Shopper
"i'm glad i'm not the only one, or i'd feel like a big meanie. 

well me too.  but i know we are really nice and giving people inside, this is just temporary insanity.


it's good to vent though, my fi just cannot understand why i'm so stressed.  to him it should just be as simple as saying, "i shouldn't be stressed about this" and viola, you're stress-free.  silly boys.



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Sunshinegirl


Kate Spade

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Yipe!


I wanted to cry when i read these post. Sorry about your bad experiences. It is really sad how women lose site of what the wedding is for. It becomes a circus instead of a ceremony celebrating a joining.


 



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valenciana


Dooney & Bourke

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quote:
Originally posted by: Sunshinegirl
"Yipe! I wanted to cry when i read these post. Sorry about your bad experiences. It is really sad how women lose site of what the wedding is for. It becomes a circus instead of a ceremony celebrating a joining.  "
It's true...and some days I really envy the type of wedding you're having...low key, intimate...but i've just pored over royal wedding pictures and dreamed of my own formal churchy wedding so long, i just know that in the end, i'd be sad i missed out on the pomp and circumstance (though probably not sad for missing the hoopla!)

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Chic


Marc Jacobs

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Something happens during this time...all of my friends have gone crazy...and then they are the first ones to bitch about whoever is getting married next... It worries me about when I get married one day...I hope that I can not fall into it all too.

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