STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

I am changing my name solely because it sounds better than mine.  But in this day in age, you can choose to change or not to change as you are a grown woman and should not be expected to give up your identity because that's what you're 'supposed' to do. 

Next time she asks, I would just say "Why?" to everything excuse she comes up with.

Mom: “That's just what’s done” You:  Why?

Mom: “It's the least you can do” You: Why?

Mom: "Well then you must not really love him!"  You:  Why?

etc.

Or you could come back with something like this:

"No, that's the one thing I'm allowing him to keep!"

Remind her that changing your name would not mean that you are married, so not changing it will not have the opposite effect, guaranteed !

Indiebride has a thread going right now about this dedicated to comebacks for this very situation, maybe that would help as well. Here's the link:

http://kvetch.indiebride.com/index.php?t=msg&th=9443&start=0&rid=3360&S=73ef6a2be3cc086b37c0162713a0d014

Good luck!

-- Edited by LMonet at 16:56, 2005-02-25

I will change my name when I get married, but I think that's a personal decision that you have to make.  And if your FH is fine with it, then, I don't see the big deal at all.  I would just try to diffuse her anger by responding with..Okay...that doesn't mean you agree, just that you hear what she's saying.

I find it really stumps people when I just say okay, because that's not what they're expecting, and they don't know how to respond next!

Also, a lot of times, if people's feelings are just acknowledged, then they're happy.

The only reason I am considering not keeping my name is because my last name is ridiculously long (16 letters) and I can just imagine trying to get ahead in an industry based on relationships when people can't even pronounce my name right. I love my last name and all its ridiculous length and I would not part with it otherwise. I consider it intergral to my own identity. I wouldn't take BF's last name "just because"...

My BF's last name is short and sweet, except that I would essentially have the name of a cartoon character. We've discussed it and he understands and is cool with everything. 

-- Edited by Lilykind at 19:09, 2005-02-25

I was just passing through the wedding forum...

I kept my own last name largely because I've developed a life and career with this name, and I don't really see a point to changing it now.  In our case, we had a lot of paperwork filed w/ the INS when we got married and we didn't want to create any confusion by changing names either. 

Also, my own name just sounds better with my first name.  My husband doesn't like his last name, it is one that can result in a lot of dumb jokes, so he often uses mine even though he isn't legally changing his.

I did take my husbands last name as one of my middle names, so that is an option too.

My parent's just accepted my decision without too much fuss.  In fact, I think my Dad was pleased that I was going to continue to use his family's name.  If you feel that you've made up your mind, just tell your Mom that...you could say something like, "Mom, this topic isn't up for discussion.  Fiance and I have discussed this and we've decided we would each like to keep our own names.  That doesn't mean we are any less committed to one another.  I'm not willing to argue this point with you any longer." 

 

What about joining the 2 names together to make a new name? Like father of the bride...

I kept my last name.  We initially threw around the hyphenation thing and him taking my last name as part of his middle name too.  He actually was on board with that.  But then his mother went ballistic and said that she didn't want his "historical" name to be sullied by my dirty commie last name (yup, her words).

We just decided to keep our respective last names and toss MIL to the curb.

 

I'm married and I kept my last name. I'm the only daughter, I was daddy's little girl, and I just feel it has too much family background for me to just vanish it from my life. I LOVE my last name and dont really care for my husbands. I gave my boys his last name so that should be good enough. I know some women that give their kids their last name too! Rarely heard of but its true.
At first my husband was really upset but with time he got over it!
And noone in my family has said anything bad (at least to my face) and actually some women think its cool that I kept it.
As long as its okay with your husband (and even if he wasn't) then who cares what anyone else says or thinks. Take pride in it!

I strongly considered keeping my maiden name...it has personality, and my husband's is just WASPy-boring. Plus, my dad is the only man in his family & I have no brothers. But it was very, very important to my husband that I take his name. Also, when I sat down to consider it, it just made a lot more sense logistically.

I decided to make my maiden name my legal middle name, so I go by both (But I don't hyphenate it).

I am undecided, but leaning towards using both but not hyphenating it.  His last name starts with the same two letters as my first name so it's sort of cutesy and a tongue twister.  also it gets mispronounced a lot but i like the symbolism of sharing a last name and joining two families.  I was really annoyed recently when a friend "M" i hadn't seen in years came to visit and said something really rude.  We were at dinner with my friend "R" who is also getting married and the topic of changing names came up.  M  was like, "well dc shopper we knew YOU would change your name, i mean, come on, but i knew "R" would never change her name, she's so independent and has such a strong personality".  I was furious and seriously wanted to slap her - I consider myself a much less traditional person than both of them and was totally surpised and insulted that her perception of me was otherwise, as if I didn't have enough personality to keep my original name or something.  I think the tide is really changing, most women i know are keeping their maiden names and the ones who change their names are now perceived by a lot of women as "traditional" "dependent" "unliberated" or "weak".  i think there is a lot to a name but at the same time, your name does not define who you are.  whatever you choose, you should not have to be put down by anyone for it.  there's nothing wrong with wanting to share your husband's last name OR keeping your own.

*steps off soapbox*