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e_doli


Dooney & Bourke

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rant -- bridesmaid relations
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i just need to vent about this:i


'm a bridesmaid for one of my best friends (c.).  the other bridesmaid (e.) lives in atlanta and is super busy at work until may, so can't be here to help our friend as much as she wants.  (she wants to be here to dress shop, look at reception sites, etc.) we're all really close so this is sad for us.


so she just found out she'll be able to come up for a weekend in february, so i'm going to have the engagement party that weekend so she can be there.  when she called me today, she said,"i'm coming in feb., so i thought we could go look at reception sites all day saturday, have the party sat. night, and dress shop on sunday.  do you think you'll have enough time to get the party together if we do that?"  ummm, no.  while i understand she wants to be able to be a part of everything when she can (she won't be able to come up again until the summer), this schedule is ridiculous to me.  even if i do most of the party prep friday, i'll need at least from 1 or 2 on sat. to get everthing else ready.  and realistically, how many reception sites can you visit in one day?  (plus they'll all be at least 30 minutes apart driving wise)  then can you enjoy a party knowing you have to get up to go look at dresses the next day?  (that'll be fun -- hungover and looking like crap)


e. tends to overbook herself and is always trying to squeeze one more thing in, while i am more easy going and realistic about time (i hate being stressed and having every second planned out -- like "we can spend 13 minutes here, then we must leave.  and no time to stop for the bathroom.  that would put us 3 minutes behind schedule, unless we could coordinate our bathroom stop with something else" ... argg, this is what she's like)  c. is more like me, but will give into e. when pressed.


if i bring this up to her, even in the nicest, non-confrontational way, she'll have an argument as to why her way is better. 


i will bring it up to c., but i know she won't want to argue with e. about it and also will want to do whatever she can to make e. feel included in the planning.  and i want to avoid arguing with e. through her (you know what i mean, when you have 2 people basically arguing with each other but only talking to you)


i want to be able to spend the time with them while e. is here, but i'm inclined to just tell them to go and stay home doing party stuff.


ahhhh... why do weddings incite such drama? 



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Starstuff


Kenneth Cole

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I understand about over-booking. I usually do it (but will then revise my schedule and elminiate one thing, which seems to alleviate the problem. Anyway...)


Maybe you do want to take separate cars to each of the reception sites, and then you can just go home and prepare for the party when you feel you need to. You'll be able to keep your own schedule, to some extent.


Although it can be exhausting to throw parties, if you don't try to over-extend yourself and leave all the clean-up for the next day, you should be able to get a decent night's sleep. Don't drink too much, and you should be fine.


Part of the reason your out-of-town friend might be scheduling so much to do is b/c she feels bad she is out of town and wants to contribute as much as she can while she is in town. She may not like the hectic schedule either. Can you leave looking for a dress for another time? Maybe just you and the bride?


HTH



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"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." - G. Radner
e_doli


Dooney & Bourke

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she does have the best intentions -- it's just how do you tell someone they are being completely unrealistic?  she actually loves the hectic schedules.  she actually suggested seeing the top choice places early in the day so if i go home i won't miss the best ones, which is okay.


the bride is going to feel pressured to do what e. wants b/c e. made the effort to come up here, but the bride will end up stressing and not enjoying any of it. 


maybe we'll suggest leaving the dress thing open so we can do it sunday if we feel like it.  i



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Andrea Julia


Coach

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Posts: 1811
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I don't understand why you have to look at reception sites anyway.  Isn't that something the bride does with the groom?  I have been in several weddings and have even been the maid of honor in one and NEVER have I looked at reception sites with the bride (nor did I have any interest in it).  Why can't you cut that out of the weekend completely?  Seems like it would make everything more sane and make the weekend more fun. 


If she really, really wants to look at reception sites on Saturday, just let her and the bride go and you can set up the party with another friend.  She may be happy to have some alone time with the bride anyway.



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