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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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two of my bridesmaids are driving me crazy!
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I have five bridesmaids; three friends and FH's two sisters. My brother is my man of honor. Only one of the bridesmaids lives in NYC like me, and she has been great. It has been a little difficult to coodinate things with the other bridesmaids just because they don't live here, but two of them have been especially difficult!

I have really tried hard to be an easy-going bride and make this an enjoyable experience for them and for the most part it's gone well. The only thing I really expect from them is some coordinating on the dresses, and it has turned into a frustrating issue. I decided to go with full-length chiffon dresses from Vera Wang in a cornflower blue, and they can all pick out which style they want to wear. This seemed like a nice thing to do since they all have different body types and concerns.

FH's younger sister lives about an hour away and is always way over-scheduled and has a tendency to freak out easily, so I know none of her reactions are personally directed at me but it's still frustrating. She almost never writes back to any of the e-mails I've sent (and there haven't been a ton of messages from me), and once when she actually did, she said "I didn't read your e-mail but here are some ideas for dresses if you want them." I invited her to come look at dresses in person and she said no at the last minute.

And the other bridesmaid driving me crazy is one of my oldest friends, who kept pushing back and saying why she didn't like any of the dresses ideas I sent out and why and being kind of forceful about it, but then saying it was still my call and she'd wear whatever I wanted. Now that I write that out it doesn't sound so bad, but it's been really annoying. Especially when I remember the hideous dress I wore for her wedding without complaining!

Urgh. I know all weddings have their conflicts and all things considered this is pretty minor. There are some issues in my family -- illness, personal problems with family members I can't go into -- which has also made this a less happy time for me as well, so this has just exacerbated those feelings.

Sorry for going on so long!



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Cortney1982


Chanel

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The one about not reading the e-mail and giving you suggestions bothers me!  It's YOUR wedding.  You could suggest to her she doesn't have to be a bridemaid if she is unwilling to cooperate.

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Elle


Hermes

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Ugh, I feel you.  You try to be an easygoing bride and what happens?  You end up dealing with people being whiny and demanding!

Personally, I'd email the two trouble makers something to the effect of you know that they have busy lives but that they're really important to you and you want them to be happy.  You're trying to be a thoughtful bride by letting them choose the style of their dress, and you hope they understand that you've done your best to make everyone happy, but have many many other details to take care of.  And maybe something about everyone trying to keep the big picture in mind?

Is there any way offender number two could try on the dress options, either in NYC with you or in a town closer to her?  As with any clothing (but especially wedding-wear!) sometimes what looks weird in pics or on the rack really looks nice on, even more so once it's been altered. 

I only had two bridesmaids, and they were really weird about everything too.  I kept asking them to go look at dresses (they lived in the same town, I did not) and they just ... wouldn't.  I told them sort of what I wanted (color, knee length) and told them to find something they liked.  Still wouldn't go!  I ended up having to fly my ass out there and drag them both shopping to get the dresses out of the way.

Also, as IMO the dress issue speaks volumes about their attitudes, I'd avoid giving either trouble maker any wedding-related responsibilities you actually care about.  In my experience it doesn't work out in your favor hmm.gif.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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Thanks, ladies, for your thoughts on this.

There's no way I could ask troublemaker #1 not to be a bridesmaid anymore, or even approach suggesting it, because she is going to be my sister-in-law. Not to say I haven't thought about it in moments of frustration! ;)

Elle, I can totally sympathize with your situation! That blows my mind -- it sounds like you could not have been more understanding or easy going with your dress selection. Your e-mail suggestion is perfect. If the annoyances keep up I will send probably that exact message to them. This morning I sent out a reminder that they need to check out dresses by the end of the month so we can place the order by February 1st. If either of them replies with more aggravations then I will respond with that.

I will also follow your advice about not giving them any other wedding "duties." I hope you didn't have anything bad happen with your bridesmaids during your wedding because of them dropping the ball. hmm.gif

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