STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

so, are all grooms clueless? semi-rant

kittenheels · Coach

Well, on the bright side, he's certainly trying to be "helpful." :) Your post made me laugh. When we were engaged and I was planning, one of DH's best friends told him "just say yes to everything."

It sounds like maybe he doesn't realize how far in advance things book up - especially if you have a certain vendor in mind. I got married in the middle of July - and while our church was old and unairconditioned - the reception was airconditioned. If the service isn't too long, I think you'll be fine. Also, June is generally the best weather in most places - who can blame you for wanting nice pictures. As for the band - that's really funny! Could you work something out where he is in charge of selecting the band with a few ground rules from you? That way, he can feel as though he is participating, but you'll be assured that they will be the right sort of feel for your wedding?

As for the jeans at the reception - is there a middle ground? I agree that you wouldn't want all the party shots to show beautiful you and your glamorous guests with a man in jeans running around, but maybe he could find a suit or tuxedo that's a little more comfortable than the standard one?

Don't worry - it will all turn out fine! It always does and your day will be beautiful!

If it makes you feel any better, the minister doing our ceremony got my husband's grandparents mixed up. His mother's father passed away several years ago, but both of his father's parents are living. So, the minister made a reference to Larry and Rita and how they were happily married for many years - but they were sitting right in front of her. Fortunately, Larry's hearing aid didn't work too well in the church, so Rita told him to ignore it! ashamed I was upset at the time, but I must admit it's sort of funny now :)

sfclinevandy · Coach

Awww, I'm sorry you're having different visions. Guys just don't get wedding stuff so I know it can be frustrating.

Honestly, my fiance has been easy, for the most part. He totally trusts me and my mom so he hasn't had any wacky suggestions. My future inlaws are in another state and aren't overly involved but they are giving us a nice budget for the rehersal dinner and are letting us pick out everything. We haven't booked it yet, but ideally we'd like to have it at an aquarium which is super cool but there's limited parking, not super close by, and could be a pain to get to during Friday rush hour traffic. We're also doing a big rehersal dinner and inviting all of the out of town guests. We're having a ton of out of town guests so I think we should be provide a chartered bus or something to take all of the out of town guests from the hotels, just so it's more convienient for everyone. My fiance HATES this idea, not because of the costs but because HE hates being 'hostage' and not being able to leave right when he wants to. We would be coming straight from the church in our own cars so we wouldn't be on the bus with the guests but just because he would be annoyed, he thinks the guests wouldn't like it either. I think it's a nice thing... guests can drink and have fun without having to worry about driving or finding their way in a new city. We haven't booked the place yet so we'll just have to see how this plays out.

Another issue is he played college football and wants to invite SO many of his old teammates. That's fine but a lot of them he hasn't kept in touch with. So my rule is that if he wants to invite them he must 1. have their # in his cell phone and 2. talk to them on a semi-regular basis.

Kelly · Hermes

Maybe he's become more interested in the whole thing because he's seen you doing it for so long and has thought about it and started caring about it even though he didn't think he would. Even so, after you've done all this work it's hard to feel bad for him when he's jumping in after you've done so much work already!

Is your wedding going to be outside? If not, I don't think the date or weather will matter much at all. That is, unless you have a church that's not airconditioned, but if you have a short service that should be bearable too. And with the dance....can't you guys do some kind of sway side-to-side thing? Okay, that's not the most elegant dance ever but it erases all manner of dancing sins. There isn't a whole lot you can mess up about that! You could take dancing classes if it's important to you. My aunt and her husband did that for their wedding a few years ago, and I think they both loved it. They look lessons for a month or two beforehand and basically just learned one chroeographed dance. Of course, that hinges on you and your fiance both actually wanting to do that.

I guess I don't have any advice or stories, I'm just trying to help a little! I'm sorry he's being like this. As if you needed more to worry about!

sfclinevandy - maybe you guys could charter a bus but still give directions for people who want to drive themselves? Then the people who want to drink or just not worry about it could have a ride, but anyone afraid of being "trapped" could drive if they want?

halleybird · Hermes

My husband was like, "You make all the decisions, I don't care." And then I would make a decision. And he'd say, "Oh, I don't like THAT!"

Also, a couple of his friends were mad because they didn't get invitations. This was because a) he never called to get their addresses, and b) he didn't know some of their real names. (He wanted me to send one to "Chainsaw." Yeah, that will work for my place settings. "Chainsaw and Guest.")

Sorry you're dealing with this!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

thanks for the stories and opinions, everyone.

i felt really frustrated when i wrote that but am in a better state of mind now. it was definitely exacerbated by our attending a wedding this weekend where, admittedly, it was largely a style we didn't like and it put him in somewhat of a bad mood. but the important thing, like kittenheels said, is that he is trying! i explained to him what i had done as far as planning is concerned and how it really was a lot of work and he appreciates now that a lot has been accomplished already and can't be so easily undone. and in all fairness to his opinions, we will explore some fall dates and more unique bands. i told him the key thing is for us to decide together and be happy together on what our day will be like and he agreed. so, wedding frustrations are averted for now! *phew* it's nice to know other people go through similar headaches.