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sfclinevandy


Coach

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Ughhh... what would you do?
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I am really stuck and would love some insight... I'm can't make up my mind between 2 wedding dresses. The problem is dress #1 is perfect, I love it, but it's pricey. Dress #2 I randomly stumbled upon. It's lovely but not as perfect but the price is almost comical so it would be a bargain. My parents are being super generous and my mom said she would buy me dress #1 but I feel guilty because really, I'll only wear it once and it's kinda disguisting to pay that much for just one dress. And let's face it... wedding gowns aren't exactly investments and I'm not going to fool myself into thinking that if I have daughters they would wear it too.

Here are some more details...

Dress #1: It's a couture gown so the details are beautiful, construction is perfect and the materials are immaculate and the best of the best. Seriously, perfect and I wouldn't change a thing. And the bridal salon has the most perfect mantilla veil ever and together they are super gorgeous. And of course, the cost of the veil and the dress is around $7000 which is really ridiculous for something I will wear only once. My parents are spending a lot on this wedding and this is just one more big expense and I can't stop feeling guilty.


Dress #2: I really have looked all over at dresses and I don't want to down play this too much because it's lovely. I don't have a picture of it because it really is a no name brand... it's supposedly designed specifically for this bridal salon and they wouldn't let me take a picture. The dress I tried really was lovely and I could do A LOT of customization. Like the dress I tried on was strapless and allover lace, and I would add the lace cap sleeves, change the corset back to a zipper covered by covered buttons that would go down the length of the dress, and change the neckline from straight to sweetheart. So basically I would be more or less trying to replicate the look of the above dress. AND it seriously costs $990 (all of my required extras would cost more, but it would still be very reasonable). I liked this dress a lot, but it's not couture and I could tell the lace was not quite the exquisite Alcenon that the first dress had and there are other little things that bother me that can't be changed... like there's basque line around the waist that isn't too noticeable with the sash, but I still know it's there and it bothers me but the salesgirl said it wouldn't be so noticeable on a new dress because the samples are always being pulled on. My mom is also worried because I want so many changes done and I haven't seen what it would look like, so there's a chance I might not be happy with the end result. But the price is SO right and I really do like it a lot... just not in love with it like I am the first one... but that's not saying I couldn't be after I make all my changes. And I even thought about getting this dress and the veil that matched the above dress, but spending more on the veil than the dress seems a little silly.

I feel so indecisive right now. I know your wedding is a big deal and you should feel happy and beautiful and all that crap, but I'm a realist and know it's really just one day. I wish I could compare them side to side but of course I can't.

So any thoughts? What would you do?

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relrel


Marc Jacobs

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I'm really surprised at myself for this but....I actually think you should go with the first. It's what your heart is telling you, right? Logically, I completely understand the whole one day only/$7000 thing but are you going to be happy up there on the altar or walking down the aisle with the other dress? I just wouldn't want your day to be marred at all by second thoughts about the dress. If you think you can be happy and completely happy with the second dress, then fine- but otherwise...the first is gorgeous and stunning.

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brazilian


Dooney & Bourke

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I think you should go with the first dress. Like Relrel said, although its one day, you want to feel your most beautiful, and its seems like the first dress would do it. Its stunning, and Im sure you look amazing in it.

I think it depends on what the dress means to you. Is it just a dress? Or does it mean more to you. Some people save it as a family heirloom. If you would do that, I think its worth the extra money.

Since your parents are helping you out so much with the wedding already, if your mom gets the dress for you, maybe you could do something really nice for her. Take her shopping, have a mother/daughter spa day, or something she would really enjoy doing with you.

Try not to beat yourself up about your dress. Your mom wouldnt have offered to help if she thought it was unreasonable. Good luck!



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jj


Kate Spade

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I was once in your shoes, and if it helps, I chose the super-expensive Vera Wang over the cheaper knock-off. Like you, my parents wanted to pay for it and were so happy to do it. I knew it wouldn't be a financial hardship for them in any way, though.

Could you get dress #1 and pair it with a less expensive veil? Does the designer make a non-couture version that could be less?

If I were you, I would think of creative ways to use all that gorgeous fabric after the wedding. Have it remade into a short dress or jacket. Sell it on eBay.

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squishy


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granted, i have NO experience with weddings, but i'd go with #2. it would be a lot easier to tailor/customize #2 to my liking (dare i say loving?) than try to assuage my guilt for choosing #1.

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sfclinevandy


Coach

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Even though I just wrote my original post a few minutes ago... the veil with the first dress really isn't a dealbreaker. While it's beautiful, I could probably find something cheaper and then the cost would go down to a little under $5000k... still not as reasonable but cheaper just the same.

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XtinaStyles


Marc Jacobs

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I would go with neither. I would keep looking for something else that gave me the thrills of #1 or at least similar. I am not a bride but I don't think $990 is so rediculously cheap. Yes its a bargain compared to $7000 but I do think there are more gorgeous gowns that you won't have to pick and prod at.. 

I just read your second post.. I say go for #1.  Even though it is still up there.. if you love it that much, I think getting a cheaper veil is a good compromise.  Good luck with your decision!

-- Edited by XtinaStyles at 16:34, 2007-05-18

-- Edited by XtinaStyles at 16:36, 2007-05-18

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brazilian


Dooney & Bourke

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sfclinevandy wrote:

Even though I just wrote my original post a few minutes ago... the veil with the first dress really isn't a dealbreaker. While it's beautiful, I could probably find something cheaper and then the cost would go down to a little under $5000k... still not as reasonable but cheaper just the same.


Wow, the veil is $2k? I would look look for another veil that would go with the first dress.



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alagirl


Kenneth Cole

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XtinaStyles wrote:

I would go with neither. I would keep looking for something else that gave me the thrills of #1 or at least similar.


I would either do as Xtina suggested or go with #2.  I have been married over 3 years and I still feel guilty for the amount of money I spent on my dress.  I still look at it sitting in the box and think about what it cost and realize what else I could have used the money for.   I know it's your special day and you want to feel gorgeous, but in all honesty, how long will you really be wearing it?  7 or 8 hours at the most? 
I think #1 is super beautiful, but if you were feeling guilty the whole time, what is the point? 
I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer or anything, I guess I'm just trying to say what I would do. 



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sfclinevandy


Coach

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alagirl wrote:

I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer or anything, I guess I'm just trying to say what I would do. 



NO... I really appreciate your input. The fact that you've been through this helps a lot smile

As for finding another dress... I don't think it will happen. I've already looked at 8 stores and these are my top 2. I will have to order it in early August for it to arrive in time for my March wedding... that also allows time for alterations. And I won't be able to go wedding dress shopping (except for maybe online) at all this summer because I start studying for the Bar exam on Monday. And I'm VERY particular on what I want... lace, cap sleeves (or something simlar, NO strapless), absolutely NO pearls, crystals, or other bling, an A-line skirt (nothing too poufy or mermaidy), preferably a sash or something to define the waist. I've tried on every style imaginable and this is the one that's most me.



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rosie_the_riveter


Gucci

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brazilian wrote:

sfclinevandy wrote:

Even though I just wrote my original post a few minutes ago... the veil with the first dress really isn't a dealbreaker. While it's beautiful, I could probably find something cheaper and then the cost would go down to a little under $5000k... still not as reasonable but cheaper just the same.


Wow, the veil is $2k? I would look look for another veil that would go with the first dress.


I agree with this. Go for the dress you truly love and just get a less expensive veil.



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Lilykind


Hermes

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get dress #1 but with a cheaper veil. yes, you'll only wear it once, but you're going to look at the pictures for YEARS.

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carmenb513


Coach

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Lilykind wrote:

get dress #1 but with a cheaper veil. yes, you'll only wear it once, but you're going to look at the pictures for YEARS.


ITA!



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littlebean


Kate Spade

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squishy wrote:

granted, i have NO experience with weddings, but i'd go with #2. it would be a lot easier to tailor/customize #2 to my liking (dare i say loving?) than try to assuage my guilt for choosing #1.


I think that I agree with this...  But no matter what you're going to look beautiful!  I love the style dress that you're going for.

 



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lynnie


Chanel

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Dress 2!!!  I"m a debbie downer too i guess.  I think you'll look great in anything and i'd personally have a lot of guilt about spending that much money for something i can wear once.  even if you don't have to make any sacrifices to have the dress, i still think the money is better spent elsewear.  A birkin/kelly bag costs less, and that IS something your daughters could use.
it would just make me sad every time i looked at my $7000 dress just hanging there, even if it had one amazing day.
 

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Kelly


Hermes

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Is there any way to have a local seamstress make a #1 knockoff for much less?

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lovelygirl


Kenneth Cole

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Get dress #1 with a cheaper veil, as some of the other girls have suggested. But then again, I'm completely self-indulgent :)

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AllieGurl


Marc Jacobs

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Can you get the dress you love, but cut back on other parts of the wedding to make up the cost difference? really all things relative, give yourself a budget for the entire wedding, then figure out if you can fit the dress into that budget by cutting back on other areas. A wedding is all about give and take and budget. If the dress is that important to you, then I would find a way to give up something else in order to afford it.

2k veil ... thats insanity. Def find a way to skip that and replace it.

IMO you are going to look wonderful no matter what you wear.

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FashionPrincess


Hermes

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I agree with Alliegurl, I'd try to find some place else to cut back and definitely try to find another veil. I have the same concerns about the second one that your mom does, who knows if it would really turn out as you have it envisioned with all those alterations and changes. Besides, that first dress is so totally you, I bet you look so pretty in it!

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Elle


Hermes

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Dress #1, cheaper veil.  As someone who did the opposite for money/practicality purposes and still regrets it, do it.  I still think about the dress I didn't get, even though the one I did was pretty and I liked it and the price was right.  IMO settling on the dress decision took away that 'ooooooh my dress!' feeling, and after the fact I have no sentimentality for it whatsoever.  It was fine, but it wasn't The Dress.  It's great to be practical, especially about a wedding, but don't be practical to a fault!  You gotta know when to let it go!

I was really happy with my veil from Veil Shop - they make most things to order, and you can customize.  Their mantilla collection is here.

If anyone is allowed one impractical, ridiculously outrageous purchase, it really really should be your wedding dress!  If there is any way it can be done (and I'm assuming there is if you're still seriously considering it), do it.

-- Edited by Elle at 11:58, 2007-05-24

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