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Post Info TOPIC: how would you feel?


Chanel

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how would you feel?
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my bf is visiting fri-mon- haven't seen him in 3 months. He has a lot of friends in the city, including a group of people he went to Spain with for a semester (i'm friends w/a couple of them- thats how i met him).  He told me they wanted to meet up Sat. night for drinks and sunday for brunch.  I'm fine with this- I want him to have fun and see his friends. I'd be going along and i know he'd make every effort to make sure i'm included.


Well, he just told me that they also want to meet up for dinner tomorrow.  This upset me- he wants to come in, drop off bags, and then we both go to this dinner (he comes in late, so we'd have to go straight there.)  I know i'm kinda being a brat since they are working around 10 schedules and this time works best- but I had been counting on a nice evening in on Friday!  I had dinner prepared and just wanted to hang out w/him alone.  I just want to see if I'm out of line in feeling this way- he kept saying not to worry, we'll have a lot of alone time, which we will-but its not about that. i wanted those first few hours alone.  I feel like such a girl- I don't think he sees it from my perspective.  He is extremely excited to see me and said he will be by my side the whole dinner.  I'm not even asking for that- i'm a big girl- but i kinda don't want to go to three Spain reunions- i didn't even go on the trip!  He doesn't want to go w/o me.  I know he's being really accommodating and great, but i'm still annoyed.  Vent over!



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Hermes

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It does suck when plans like those are ruined. And I think 3 reunions in one weekend is a little excessive, especially when he's coming to see you!

Maybe you guys could go home right after the dinner instead of following the group to whatever they do afterwards? Then you'd still have the rest of the night to yourselves.

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Kenneth Cole

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I'd be upset.  Does he REALLY need to see them 3x in the same weekend?? 

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Marc Jacobs

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I'd be upset too. Actually I have had this same kind of problem with my bf. I'll drive three hours to see him and he always wants to go out to dinner and hang out with his friends.


I finally sat him down and explained to him why I wanted to spend more of our time together alone. In my case I used that fact that he acts diffrent around his friends and drinks to much with their encouragement and he isn't his normal self. And it's the normal self I want to spend time with.


I don't know if that helps you any,but you are not alone in getting annoyed by stuff like that.



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Marc Jacobs

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It is disheartening to have this happen when you are so excited to have alone time with him after such an extreme amount of time away.  You have to see it from his POV though.  I am sure he wants to make the most of his trip to the Big Apple and seeing his friends are a priority as well.  The great thing about this is that he wants YOU there.  He could just say, "hey babe, I want to hang with my pals tonight so we'll hang out later".  Instead, he wants you to be a part of his visits with long-time friends.  That is a big deal for guys when they include a lady in plans. 


The BF and I did this when I would visit Chicago before I moved.  I would be him and my friends all weekend, together.  It was the best of both worlds for me.  I had my man and my friends with me.  Who could ask for anything more ?



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Hermes

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Yeah, I'd be mad too.


Maybe he needs to be expressly told that it would be very worth his while (hint, hint) if you guys stayed in on Friday night. 



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Chanel

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i would be disappointed too, who wouldn't?, but i understand his point of view.  he's trying to see as many people and spend as much time with as many people as he can this weekend.  i think you have a right to be upset, but i think you also have to tread very carefully because if you could potentially make him or his friends resentful of you if you try to "hole him up all weekend".  i know you're asking for one night, when he first gets there, and i don't blame you, but i think you have to be careful.  if you feel really strongly about it, i would speak up though. 


as a past long distance relationshiper i TOTALLY understand your frustration. 



-- Edited by shopgirl82 at 19:42, 2007-01-11

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Chanel

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haha, shopgirl82- i already told him i was upset.  its no biggie- i just told him how i felt.  I don't think his friends are resentful of me, i'm in no way of tying him up all weekend.  it just annoyed me since it sprung up last minute, while the other two things were planned. 


ncshopper- oh he KNOWS it would be worth his while, but to him, its just more anticipation! haha.  it might be funny actually- to be at dinner and have him wanting it.  His fault!


farrah- i know what you mean about best of both worlds- if it was MY friends- i'd be ecstatic.  So yea, i know how he feels.  Its just strange for me because its a bunch of friends he had this intense experience with, and I am the odd one out since i didn't go.  We hung out w/his friends last time he came out a bunch- but it was different- wasn't three (!!!) different spain reunions.  just friends having fun.


so yea, i'm not too worried or anything- but i was slightly annoyed.  it's ok now though and i'm sooo excited!!



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Coach

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I'm glad it all worked out.  I hope you have a great time this weekend! 

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