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Post Info TOPIC: How to tell the parents
nicoley


Coach

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How to tell the parents
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Ok this might sound weird but.. I still haven't told my parents I have a boyfriend.  Ive now been with him since july.  Its not that I dont want to tell them, but it just never really came up.   I dont really have conversations with my parents about my personal life, i live at school most of the year.  Its also not like i haven't brought up his name, I talk about him here and there and I even told my parents i was planning on going to vegas with him this past july (which we never ended up going) and ive also told my parents i was going to see him in europe for xmas (which i also ended up not going). And when they came to visit me at school, I even took them all to see him play at his game.   I dont know if they just think im friends with him or what. 


He hasn't had a chance to come back to my home town yet to stay at my house or anything, but eventually he will.  And id like him to meet my family as my boyfriend not as my parents thinking he is a friend.  I also want him to be a big part of my family like my last boyfriend was.  And I keep thinking if this goes on... what if in the not so near future i have to tell my parents we are engaged, and i haven't even told them he has been my boyfriend.


Maybe too im worried my parents wont like him as much as my ex...Actually im not worried about my dad, because he couldn't not like anyone. My ex was my first boyfriend and my parents, especially my mom LOVED him, she still talks about him and we've been broken up for years, she even has our picture in her office still.  I admit, my ex was hot and he was english and had that charm around my family, but in all honesty this guy im with now is so much more genuine and the most altruistic person ive ever met.  He treats me like a princess and cares so much about me.  Also i think my mom sort of pre-judges african americans (which i think is so wrong and am constantly trying to work on this with her!), and my boyfriend being so, id hate for her to pre-judge him.


Anyways, i feel really blessed to have this guy in my life as he really is one of the most amazing people ive ever met and i just want my family to know this too.  Lastly i must add that due to his profession right now theres no way for him to come meet the parents anytime soon.


Any way to bring this up or should i continue to wait for a natural progession for it to come up?



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"Deep down you may still be that same great guy I used to know. But it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you" Rachel Dawes, Batman Begins
Kelly


Hermes

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Posts: 5919
Date:
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Do you and your parents talk on the phone a lot or write letters? I also live at school most of the year, so my parents can't see me going out with a guy all the time. But if I have a new boyfriend and we're together all the time, when my mom and I talk and she asks what I've been doing lately usually I say "I saw Movie X with Bob last night," and after enough things like that she just kind of gets that I have a new boyfriend. We actually don't talk about guys much anymore... my mom and brothers used to always ask about my boyfriends, but I think I've dated enough people now that they don't even care any more because they figure it'll be someone new in a few months Still, if I talk about someone all the time they usually at least ask what's up with him, and if he's my boyfriend. You could take that opportunity to talk about your relationship more.

So... I mean I guess just start mentioning him more?

If they get to know him, maybe the ex will slowly fade. I mean, if they like him they'll keep liking him. But that doesn't mean that they can't like the new one, too! You mentioned a problem with him being black... how to they react to him when they think he's just a friend?

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Fashion is art you live your life in. - Devil Wears Prada | formerly ttara123
scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2117
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Would it be totally out of character for you to just say to your mom or dad, "I have a date tonight with X"? Or, mention you did something that is more typically a couple thing to do, like "X and I went to dinner at this really nice restaurant last night and then went ice skating." Do you think they would pick up on that? Also, how did you end up telling them about it when you and your ex first started going out?

I guess I am at the total other end of the spectrum -- I would almost always mention to my mom when I met someone or had a first date, and my dad enjoys giving advice on boys. They just love that stuff.

I can also see that this is weirder because you were with your ex for so long and also that your mom still has a picture of the two of you together in her office. Like ttara asked, do your parents have a problem with him being black as it is, thinking he is just a friend?

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Farrah


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2353
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nicoley wrote:


 Also i think my mom sort of pre-judges african americans (which i think is so wrong and am constantly trying to work on this with her!), and my boyfriend being so, id hate for her to pre-judge him.





Wait, I think that I am confused.  I was under the impression that your BF is from Africa.  That would make him an African, not an African-American.


Whatever the case may be though you need to step up to the plate and tell your parents.  You are an adult and by keeping things from them it shows that you are scared of how they will react much like a child would do.  This is a big step in proving not only to your parents, but to yourself that you are capable of making your own decisions and that they should trust you.


Hopefully, your BF's great nature and his actions toward you will also disspell your mother's preconceived notions as well.  Whether they like him or not though, it is your life and you have to what makes you happy.



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