STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

friend who needs lots of attention

killa · Dooney & Bourke

If you don't want to be bothered, then don't respond. Some people are just e-mail freaks, too, and check their e-mail all the time. Unless she is calling you at all hours, I don't think it's a big deal.

If you don't respond, she'll stop, or at least cut back.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Yeah, I need to respond less. I try not to, or at least do as little as I can without being rude; my boyfriend gave the same advice.

eat: I should also add that she's called me twice today, and I haven't called her back yet.

-- Edited by scarlett at 19:35, 2006-09-27

squishy · Coach

does she only cling to you? or to a few other friends as well?

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

We don't really have any friends in common so it's hard for me to tell, but I think she does this with other people too. We're in the same graduate program and when we met I think maybe she was lonely and had too much free time on her hands, but she also seems like she doesn't like spending any time by herself. She needs to be busy all the time. I'm definitely a person who needs time by herself so maybe that's just a difference between us.

blink · Coach

Yes I have been friends a girl like this before. I finally just had to get honest with her, not in a confrontational way though, just told her I didn't feel like doing this and that, shopping, going out to dinner, to a bar, etc. No reason to provide explanations.

About catching you on IM, you can ignore her IM's and then later tell her you were too busy at the time. By answering all the time, you train her to think that you are always available. So turn that around by not responding next time. It's not rude. You are not "on call" or obligated to answer your IM's any more than you are obligated to answer your door or your telephone. Unplug from her and I am sure she will back off the constant contact.

squishy · Coach

if you tune her out a bit and if she doesn't get the hint, then i agree with lorelei.. just be honest (and acting a smidge apologetic would also help) about needing privacy and some solitude. or introduce her to another clingy friend of yours or a time-consuming hobby :)

on a side note, it sounds like you use gmail.. you can block her and/or set your default so that you're not signed in to chat. i had to turn it off because it got super annoying

-- Edited by squishy at 22:45, 2006-09-28

carmenb513 · Coach

I had a neighbor who was like this.

As far as the e-mail thing +IM I use go to privacy settings and click the thing that lets you "hide online".

As of right now 99% of the time when I'm on myspace the "online now" thing is turned off.

It's get annoying sometimes, especially late nite on myspace you start getting notes from all these wierdos....I know that was off the sub though........

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

you're right, squishy, i do have gmail. i thought i had disabled the chat feature but apparently not! i just checked their help section and learned at the bottom of each gmail page, you can select "view without chat." so i'll just be sure it's set to that from now on. yesterday, i literally signed on to email and she was IMing me within a minute!

anyway, i really appreciate all the advice, everyone -- thank you. i will definitely be making myself less available, and if need be say something to her like "i'm sorry, but i'm not available to do all these things." something along those lines.