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Post Info TOPIC: I need major support right now.
Karina


Chanel

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I need major support right now.
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He called off the wedding.

2 fucking weeks before.

he has been acting very distant for weeks.. i kept asking him what was wrong.. he said "oh i'm just nervous about the wedding"... i was too, so i let it go. yesterday, we were having a conversation, and i kept pressing him about this. finally, he told me that his gut is telling him not to do this.

he says that i focused too much on the wedding and other things, and not on things that we needed to change within the relationship and he's fed up and doesn't want to get into a marriage like that. he doesn't want to work on the relationship. he thinks we're never going to change and always fight.

he said he never wanted to get married this way, he said from the beginning this wedding was going to put us in the hole, and there would be no wedding because we'd probably hate each other in the end. he was right. we went from a 15k wedding to almost double that. he told me 6 months ago that we should go to counseling to fix things that were still haunting us from our past, and i dismissed him. he told me several months ago that he wanted me to stop smoking, it really bothered him and he didn't want to marry someone who went behind his back like that... i dismissed it also.

he has a point that i wasn't really focusing on the relationship. all i thought about was this fucking wedding. it consumed me. i just wanted everything to be perfect and the shit blew up in my fucking face.

he says he still loves me, but is scared to keep getting hurt and going over the same arguments over and over again. he said i never put 100% into the relationship and he is sick of him putting his part in.

he has a lot of emotional problems stemming from his childhood. he always needs attention and positive reinforcement. its hard for me to give it to him, because honestly, i am very wrapped up in my own life.. i have a demanding career, two kids to take care of, and i also still have my own social life. i am extremely independent.

it's not even the wedding he's saying took up all my time.. he says my job and my friends do. i think more than anything we need counseling... he needs to independisize (sp?) himself and i need to be more into HIM. i love the guy to death, but i know he is not #1 in my life. not because i dont love him, not because i dont want to marry him.. just because that's how i am, and ill be like that with ANY man... and that stems from MY childhood, kwim?

i don't know what else to say. i am so hurt and devastated right now.

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travelgirl


Kate Spade

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OH HON!  Everything will be okay.  We are here for you! 



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NCshopper


Hermes

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Posts: 6065
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Oh, Karina, I am so sorry to hear that.  I'm at a loss for words.


I'll keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers. 



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calichic


Dooney & Bourke

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Oh my gosh! I am flabergasted. I am so sorry to hear this. I hope that he isn't too serious and will change his mind in a short while. In the meantime, do your best to cope and vent when you need to. Sending good thoughts your way.

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FashionPrincess


Hermes

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Posts: 5381
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*Big hugs*  I really don't know what to say, you know in the big picture it will all work out, but I know that isn't really that comforting right now.  I have some book recommendations if you are interested.  His Needs, Her Needs and also the Five Love Languages I think are some great foundational reading, they changed my relationship for the better and helped me to see the guy's point of view.  Just remember that we are here for you any time you need to vent.  Hang in there!

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Renee


Kenneth Cole

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Posts: 451
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Karina, I am so sorry!!! I hope everything will work out for you guys. I think you should definitely try counseling, it does help and there is nothing shameful about it.

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Metric


Gucci

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Posts: 2747
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Babe I'm so sorry.

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shopgirl82


Chanel

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Posts: 3197
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i hope things work out for you two.  in the meantime, you'll be in my thoughts.  just try not to beat yourself up too much.  this is as much about him as it is about you. 


take care of you.



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"i tell you one lesson I learned If you want to be something in life, You ain't gonna get it unless, You give a little bit of sacrifice, Oohh, sometimes before you smile you got to cry.." -The Roots
AllieGurl


Marc Jacobs

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that totally sucks. I dont even know what else to say ....

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xoxo gossip girl!
HeatherLynn


Gucci

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Posts: 2915
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I'm so sorry!!  I really hope that you two can work this out (for both you and children's sake).  Take it one day at a time and feel free to vent anytime.  I really am sorry hon!

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Aurora


Marc Jacobs

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I don't even know what to say Karina except don't you dare allow him to place the blame on you!



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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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I am so sorry!

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Kelly


Hermes

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Posts: 5919
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oh my gosh, I don't even know what to say.

Is it too nosy to ask if the relationship is continuing without the wedding? Can you guys work on this and try again, or are you both moving on?

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halleybird


Hermes

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Posts: 6400
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I am so sorry, Karina. But please don't blame yourself; you aren't the only person to get wrapped up in wedding planning, and it shouldn't mean the end of the relationship. I hope you can go to couples counseling. XOXO

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Lilykind


Hermes

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Posts: 6191
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*hugs*


I am so sorry! Please feel free to vent on here!



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small fry


Chanel

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Posts: 4689
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  I'm so sorry and I hope you two can work this out. ((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) We are here for you

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2130
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It'll be okay sweetie {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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kittenheels


Coach

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Posts: 1520
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I am so sorry.  I am sending you positive thoughts!

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ILoveChoo


Hermes

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Posts: 5131
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I dont have time to read thougth this now, but i read the first two lines and ((((((huge hugs)))))) I am so so so sorry.

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blink


Coach

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Posts: 1652
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Oh I am so sorry Karina!  Hang in there, from what you have posted before, I think you guys will be okay.  I hope you can both communicate with extra respect and kindness in the next few weeks.

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