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Post Info TOPIC: "our" time vs "his" time, how to teach a man the difference?
greendiamond


Marc Jacobs

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"our" time vs "his" time, how to teach a man the difference?
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So, my husband just walks in the door from work, 30 minutes late. I knew he would be home 30 minutes late becuase of an errand he had to run.

However, he forgot to do the errand. He instead cleaned out his car.

Now, his car needed to be cleaned out, but now that he didn't do this errand on his way home from work, it will take him an hour and must be done today. So, I lose out on an hour of "us" time.

That wouldn't be the biggest deal, except we get very little time together. I mean, VERY little! So, I am miffed that he decided to clean out his car instead of do the errand because now we get less time together. He has open mornings 2 days a week when the car cleaning could have been done.

So, how does a girl teach a man about "us" time and "his" time? His lack of planning is cutting into our time and I find myself mad at him, and for what? For cleaning out a messy car that I have been griping about.

As much as I feel bad for him (the poor guy can't win with me, huh?) I can't help but wonder how he can be so blind to this stuff. I do as much of "my" stuff during "my" time as possible. I just wish he could do the same?

Insights? Suggestions? That's my vent.
-gd

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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RE: "our" time vs "his" time, how to teach a man the difference?
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Can you go on the errand with him? That way you're together.

I totally see why you're hesitating here -- you want to say something, but not be a nag about it. If it were me, I'd try to put it in terms that are positive instead of complaints. For example, something like "I love our time together so much, and was sad that your car cleaning and then errand took us away from each other today. In the future, let's try to take care of these things at the times when we couldn't be together, since the time we do have is rare and special." And then let it drop for the time being, and see how it happens in the future. It sounds like he was trying to please you by cleaning out the car, which is sweet, but I understand why you're bummed out about the errand needing to be done on the same day.

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shopgirl82


Chanel

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here's the thing...


he could have been saying for weeks, "i really should clean out my car" but never felt like actually doing it.  that night he may have been in the mood to do it, so he did it.  i know that today, during "our time" i was in the mood to clean.  i did four loads of laundry, cleaned (and scrubbed) bathroom floors that i have been staring at for weeks.  unfortunately i happened to be inspired to clean during "our time".  but i went with it.  i know that for the rest of the week i will be totally relaxed when i'm at work and with my SO because i won't be thinking about the four loads of laundry that needs to be done and the bathroom floors that i have left for three weeks.  incidently, he went through a box of his stuff while i was scrubbing the floors so we both got individual stuff done during "our time" but i know that we'll both be relaxed for the rest of week. 


since it seems like you have minimal together time i would make him realize how important your together time is to you, and hopefully you can come up with a plan to maximize the time you two can spend together.  that being said, there's no point in spending time together if his mind (or yours) is elsewhere, like thinking about your dirty car....




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kittenheels


Coach

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I'm not sure this is the answer you want, but I decided to learn to like football.  Now, we spend most of sundays curled up on the couch watching it.  It's a great way to bond, and a perfect excuse to sit around in your pjs and read the paper all day :)  And, we try to do errands together.  It's great.  You get some boring stuff done...and by walking around and shopping, you get to catch up.

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Elle


Hermes

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RE: "our" time vs "his" time, how to teach a man the difference?
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I think most guys just don't think and plan ahead like we tend to. 


They think, 'I have 30 minutes open right now, so I'm going to finally clean my car out!  Yay for me!'
and it ends there.  Until the next day of course when they set out to do the abandoned errand and go 'Crap!  Now I have to waste an hour on this?!'


We'd think "I have 30 minutes open right now.  I need to clean my car out, but if I do that the errand that could conveniently be done instead will take twice as long tomorrow.  It's obviously more time efficient to spend 30 minutes now running the errand and 30 minutes tomorrow cleaning the car, instead of 30 minues cleaning the car today and 60 minutes running the errand tomorrow."


It feels like they go 50% through the thought process, and then stop before they get to the part where their decision effects other things (and people!) ....


I'd bring it up again and maybe ask him if he could try to take care of certain things when they don't cut into your time together, but it will probably still happen again at some point.



-- Edited by Elle at 11:48, 2006-09-19

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