STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

nicoley · Coach

The ex leaving messages... ** YUCKY UPDATE**

luckylily · Gucci

RE: The ex leaving messages...

NCshopper · Hermes

Don't respond to it.

The best way to say "I'm over you, I've moved on, and you missed your chance" is to say nothing at all.

FashionPrincess · Hermes

luckylily wrote:

I don't know, I think it might be best to just let this one be. You risk sounding bitter if you say anything too specific.

I'd go with something simple and general like "Thanks for the well wishes, I'm exited about what the future holds" which would convey that you are looking forward and not dwelling on the past, which he was clearly a big part of.

I totally agree!

Hermes

NCshopper wrote:

Don't respond to it.

The best way to say "I'm over you, I've moved on, and you missed your chance" is to say nothing at all.

I agree with this 100%

shopaholic · Dooney & Bourke

D wrote:

NCshopper wrote:

Don't respond to it.

The best way to say "I'm over you, I've moved on, and you missed your chance" is to say nothing at all.

I agree with this 100%

ditto

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I agree, ignore it. He's probably feeling jealous, or if he's a real jerk, trying to mess with your head because you've moved on and it bothers him. The easiest way to send him a message is to ignore him -- also, this will frustrate him even more than anything you could say to him, which is a nice side benefit. This saves you from entering into any kind of conversation that could be emotionally upsetting -- focus on the here and now and your great new boyfriend.

tri_sarah_tops · Marc Jacobs

I agree, don't say anything. But if you start to really feel the need to reply just say something like, "Got your message. Everything is great, thanks!"

Bastet · Kate Spade

I agree with everyone who said not to respond. Enjoy your current relationship.

member · Hermes

NCshopper wrote:

Don't respond to it.

The best way to say "I'm over you, I've moved on, and you missed your chance" is to say nothing at all.

I totally agree - ignore him!

calichic · Dooney & Bourke

I agree with all the other ladies not to respond. Even if you respond with something like "Thanks" it will just open that door for him to keep trying to get in touch with you. Consequently I think that you may feel that you are obligated then to continue the correspondence. All in all, it would be best not to do anything.

lynnie · Chanel

agree agree agree and agree. dont say anything, if so, just "hi, thanks for your message, hope all is well." short, sweet, and NOTHING about him or the past.

nicoley · Coach

******************************************

UPDATE

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So I totally was planning on taking the advice and ignoring him. Everything was fine. And then I got an IM from him on the computer, which i totally wasn't expecting because i thought i had him blocked. So i thought ill say hi, be nice and that will be that. I also thought id like to just tell him who im with and that way he knows and its over with.

Of course the question came up and he asked if im with someone. I said yes. And he said im very happy for you, you have been a big part of my life and ill always lve you and want the best for you. Then he asks the bigger question... Do I know this person? And im like yes, and then he says his name. And im like yep its him. He totally freaks out and gets really angry at me. I remain calm and explain that I dont see the big deal... Its 1) been three years since weve been together 2) you haven't gave a crap about me in those 3 years since we broke up 3) you weren't best friends with the kid, you just played soccer with him for a few years.

He made me feel like such crap. He said that he would never do something like this to me and that this was his friend and there are just some things you dont do, and this is one of them. He also said that i have really hurt him and that his family talks about me every other day and that maybe one day ill realize what i did wrong.

Ok I know i shouldnt' have continued this conversation with him. But after 3 years its sort of hard not to feel bad when you have hurt someone you have been with for that long. Even though i shouldnt care because he didn't care about me when i was trying to get over him for the last three years. And the fact that he didnt visit me when he came to the US. And the fact that he dated a girl on my soccer team only a month or two after we broke up.

Can I just ask.. Did I really do something wrong by starting a relationship with a guy that my ex played soccer with? I think in some situations its wrong, but because of the aforementioned reasons, I really dont think i did anything wrong. But I need some unbiased opinions.

Im freaking out right now because i feel like ive done something wrong. I also explained to him that if i thought it would have hurt him i would have talked to him about it beforehand, but the fact that we dont keep in touch and have been apart for 3 years, i didnt think it mattered to him. Can I also throw in that i bought him the largest gb nano for his birthday with cds and mailed it to england for his birthday last year, along with gifts for his family. And i didnt even get a card or a phone call on my birthday :(

KE · Kenneth Cole

RE: The ex leaving messages... ** YUCKY UPDATE**

Hermes

nicoley013 wrote:

the fact that he didnt visit me when he came to the US. And the fact that he dated a girl on my soccer team only a month or two after we broke up.

what an ASS! who the hell does he think he is? no - you did absolutely nothing wrong. WHAT AN ASS! please promise me that you will IGNORE him from here on out? please?

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

tri_sarah_tops wrote:

I agree, don't say anything. But if you start to really feel the need to reply just say something like, "Got your message. Everything is great, thanks!"

Yep. Perfect.

calichic · Dooney & Bourke

I am sorry that he made you feel so awful. It sucks that he can get under your skin like that, but I am sure that is because he now KNOWS that you are over him. I think that he always kind of had you as back-up and now feels a bit lost without that kind of net. Just try your best to get over the whole thing and seriously NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN. No one should have the right to make you feel so bad about something like dating a guy that he USED TO play soccer with. They weren't best friends and probably don't even talk now, what kind of right does he think he has to get mad at you, especially since he did the same/worse to you 2 months after you broke up. He has not respected you or done anything good for you in the past 3 years and probably won't do anything beneficial for you in the future. ARGH! It just makes me mad cuz I feel like guys have done the same kind of crap to me.

Take away point: Try to forget it and let it serve as a reminder if he ever tries to talk to you again. Don't talk to him, not worth your time.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Nicoley sweetie - I didn't see the update.

1) He's lying. You did NOT hurt him. He is saying that you did in order to hurt you. You owed him nothing. And you have done NOTHING wrong.

2) Do not ever talk to him again. Unless you get a hell of an apology. Sticking up for yourself will feel really good here. If you don't want to stick to this, ok. But be cold. Be distant. And let him know that he has to earn his way back into your graces. He DOES NOT get to talk to you anyway he wants and whenever he wants. There are boundaries that YOU decide. And he has NO SAY when you've made your decision.

3) Stay away from all this drama. None of it matters. Really. You do not have to talk to him just because he wants to. You do not have to do ANYTHING you don't want to.

4) It sounds like you sort of wanted to show him that you moved on and don't need him, and at the same time, you feel bad for that feeling. It's a normal feeling, anyone would want to rub it in a bit. And he's playing into that guilt to make you feel bad for things that are not your fault.

Take care of yourself sweetie. You're doing really well. You have a new relationship. You are building a life with people who care about you and treat you well. That's really, really, really hard to do. And many people never even bother. So you are brave, you are strong, and you are doing great. He. Does. Not. Matter.

NCshopper · Hermes

Dizzy wrote:

1) He's lying. You did NOT hurt him. He is saying that you did in order to hurt you. You owed him nothing. And you have done NOTHING wrong.

I completely agree. He's not hurt about the fact that his old friend is dating you now. I think he just expected you to be waiting around and pining for him, which you're not doing, and the fact that you're dating now is proof that he messed up and that you've moved on. Like calichic said, I think he thought of you as a "back-up."

Please know that this guy is just manipulating you. He's treated you like crap in the past so you're entitled to not respond to his texts or his IMs. I know you might feel like it's rude to ignore someone that's IMing you, but really, it'd be for the best. He's done nothing to earn any time occupying your thoughts and emotions.

Kelly · Hermes

I'm so sorry. I'm in the boat with everyone else - why does he suddenly care so much after 3 years?

I have an ex that sounds just like him - manipulative, out of his mind, and jealous. I know that it can sound harsh, especially about someone you care about, but at least in this situation this is exactly what he's being. It took me forever to realize the best thing to do was just to ignore him - and I don't want it to take that long for you! He doesn't seriously subscribe to the things he think friends should do, otherwise why would he date someone on *your* sports team a month or two after, but you're not allowed to date someone who *was* on his sports team three years later? Why would he not even call you on your birthday?

When you first posted this, I thought that maybe seeing you were in a relationship got him all nostalgic. In a good way. When I see an ex with a new girlfriend, I can't help but think about the two of us, and then think about them and hope they work out better than he and I did. But I get nostalgic in a good way, in a hopeful and happy way. So when he just left that message, I thought maybe that's what it was like. But after your conversation with him, I think we know that's *not* the case.

I'm sorry he's doing this to you. But you can't take this from him, and he certainly can't make you feel bad. It's been THREE YEARS. The second the he broke up with you, he lost all claim to you and all power to influence what you can and cannot do.