STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

shopgirl82 · Chanel

I'm Going to Have a Panic Attack...

Collette · Chanel

Ok first off Breath. Just breath. I know exactly what you are going through. My Dh saves crap from waaayyy too long ago. He has schools papers from grammer school, every card everyone ever sent him. Seriously EVERY card. A ski jacket from 25 years ago which #1 is so out of style it could be a Halloween costume and #2 no longer fits but he refuses to get rid of it. It drives me nuts to see it so we've come to a compromise. He gets one space to clutter up where I don't have to see it. We bought those nice big plastic storage containers from the Contaienr store and he throws stuff in them and stacks it away where I don't have to see it.

Can he do that, maybe just organize it in one or two containers and put away where you don't see it?

Elle · Hermes

Throw it away. I'm serious.

Okay not really important stuff, and you don't even have to actually throw it away - just pack it up and hide it somewhere, even if that means convincing someone you know to let you stash it in their garage for awhile.

When he freaks out, tell him very matter of factly that you asked him repeatedly to clean it up and he refused to do so, so you took responsibility for it. If it wasn't important enough to take care of before, then he clearly doesn't need it! IMO it drives the point home pretty clearly - enough to open up a 'new' conversation. Maybe you try making a deal with him about it? Like everytime he leaves doesn't put something away in a reasonably timely manner, he has to do/give you ... something of your choice. Same for you, if you have a tendency or habit that annoys him.

I'm assuming you've hashed this out before? Did he ever give a reason for why he tends to do this? Does it just not bother him? You'd think he'd see how much it bothered you and that would be enough of a reason, if he doesn't care otherwise ...

shopgirl82 · Chanel

Collette wrote:

Ok first off Breath. Just breath. I know exactly what you are going through. My Dh saves crap from waaayyy too long ago. He has schools papers from grammer school, every card everyone ever sent him. Seriously EVERY card. A ski jacket from 25 years ago which #1 is so out of style it could be a Halloween costume and #2 no longer fits but he refuses to get rid of it. It drives me nuts to see it so we've come to a compromise. He gets one space to clutter up where I don't have to see it. We bought those nice big plastic storage containers from the Contaienr store and he throws stuff in them and stacks it away where I don't have to see it.

Can he do that, maybe just organize it in one or two containers and put away where you don't see it?

yeah, we both have our own closet, a shared closet (mostly big stuff like luggage/golf clubs, etc..) and storage. but honestly there's just not space. it's more of a paper trail that he can't get rid of. i put papers from downstairs in a paper bag and put them in a closet. well, we cleaned out the closet about a year later and he didn't know what was in the bag. so i thought, "yay, that means he will get rid of it" but he didn't. i guess i've watched too many shows that go by the rule if you haven't used it in a year, get rid of it, well, he can't. i like that he keeps sentimental stuff (he still has the piece of paper that i wrote my phone number on), but we were about to throw out a vac, and he wanted to keep the attatchments in case our new vac would require them!!!! hello, that vac was old, second, we can find them on ebay.

it's just soooo frustrating. if we had the space i would be all for it, but we don't so it's spreading to the floors and any surface that will allow it.

i really like the breathe advice.

twinkle · Coach

i agree w/colette- maybe get a nice chest of some sort that he can just dump all his crap into instead of having piles on the floor?

hang in there!!! i totally understand why you are upset, but remember that in the scheme of things, sounds like things are pretty great. i'd take a nice condo w/my bf for a little clutter

shopgirl82 · Chanel

twinkle wrote:

i agree w/colette- maybe get a nice chest of some sort that he can just dump all his crap into instead of having piles on the floor?

hang in there!!! i totally understand why you are upset, but remember that in the scheme of things, sounds like things are pretty great. i'd take a nice condo w/my bf for a little clutter

i know. in the grand scheme of things it's nothing. but it's getting to the point i feel like he's not respecting me because it's the only thing that really bothers me between us and he's not fixing it.

i'll talk to him tonight (again) and update.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

shopgirl82 wrote:

i know. in the grand scheme of things it's nothing. but it's getting to the point i feel like he's not respecting me because it's the only thing that really bothers me between us and he's not fixing it.

I don't know hon, it seems like this is the kind of thing that you either have to find a way around, or find a way to put up with, cause he's not going to change. I think it's just a case of some people throw stuff out and some people are hoarders, and obviously you're stuck with a hoarder--but that's the way he is. I think Collette's idea makes the most sense, and I think it's a good compromise--he gets to keep his stuff, but you don't have to look at it or have it in your way. And nagging him about it is not going to do either of you any good--he may start to resent it, and you will get angry when he doesn't follow through. Since it sounds like he doesn't often go through or organize his old things and there's no real need for him to (that is, he's not misplacing bills or W-2s or whatever), you could probably just institute a policy where, whenever piles start building up, you pick up the stuff and dump it into one of his designated boxes. If you're not trying to organize the stuff or put it away, it won't take you any time just to dump it in a box. And if there get to be too many of his boxes in the condo, he can rent a small storage locker somewhere--and maybe the expense of having to do that would motivate him to actually throw some of it out.

kenzie · Chanel

I can totally empathize with you. My ex was a total clutterbug. And a packrat. He kept envelopes from mail that he had opened. USED ENVELOPES!! We couldn't use our dining room table because it was covered in his junk. The bedroom was covered in mountains of his clothes. One of our TV's broke and was unfixable. He insisted on keeping it. It was a console TV, so when he bought a new TV, he used the old TV as a TV stand. He kept a broken grill and left it sitting on our front porch. OMG! It was awful.

Anyway, I tried to reign in his clutter the best I could. I took one day to go around the house with boxes and gather up his paper clutter. I told him to go through it, trash what he didn't need and that if he wanted to keep that kind of clutter around, it had to go in that box. Once the box was full, it was time to purge. I also cleaned up his closet and showed him how to keep it organized. It lasted until we broke up.

But who the hell knows what his new house looks like. I shudder at the thought.

Oh, and it should be noted that his clutter wasn't the reason that we broke up. He was just a moron on so many levels. Clutter was the least of the problems.