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Post Info TOPIC: ok, I am gonna spill everything out *update*
ico


Dooney & Bourke

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ok, I am gonna spill everything out *update*
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also because I need help/advice/suggestions/anything!


I have been kinda unhappy lately at work. Lately meaning for the last 9 months. Probably due to communication problems, but there have been pretty awful moments.


I started to look for jobs when I came back from my visit to Italy, in July. Looks like the prof I did my master's with (in Rome) needs someone for a 3 years project. The project is starting in october, but he is willing to wait for me, until I finish my current project here in the US. It's nice b/c I am not gonna do the same things I did as a student, it is a collaboration with several european groups, including one in Germany, and it would give me some time to look for opportunities in EU once the project is done. The paycheck would be lower, but life is less expensive there and I wouldn't have to pay rent.


So, my plan was to leave the job here in March, since my visa expires march 31st and this way I wouldn't have to renew it.


Before leaving, I need to finish a project that I want to see published, and train another person on some of the stuff I am doing in nanofabrication. That would require about 6 months.


So, tomorrow is the day. I am gonna tell my boss I am leaving, so that we can decide on the priorities and he can tell me whom would be the person I will have to train. Just sent him an e-mail telling I need some time to talk to him tomorrow.


I am very excited and scared at the same time. I feel like I am going to jump into a black hole. I really can't think straight.


So if you girls have suggestions on how to talk to him tomorrow, that would be extremely helpful. I want to leave in good terms with him, b/c I have liked all I have learned while working for him, and I want him to feel like I have given some contribution to his lab. And, I might need him as a reference some day


Well, that's it more or less. 


tia!


 



-- Edited by ico at 17:52, 2006-08-23

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Aurora


Marc Jacobs

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RE: ok, I am gonna spill everything out - longish
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ico wrote:


So if you girls have suggestions on how to talk to him tomorrow, that would be extremely helpful. I want to leave in good terms with him, b/c I have liked all I have learned while working for him, and I want him to feel like I have given some contribution to his lab.  



I think honesty is the best and flattery helps too.  I would just tell him your plans of going back once your visa expires in March and you want to give him enough time to figure out a replacement for you and that you are committed to finishing your duties and fully training your replacement and I think that is all you really need to say.

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Elle


Hermes

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I agree w/what Aurora said .  Also, emphasizing that you're leaving to pursue this great opportunity as opposed to leaving because you don't like it there anymore would probably make him much more inclined to be of help to you in the future.


Good luck!  It sounds like a very exciting opportunity!



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NCshopper


Hermes

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Oh, hon, I feel your pain! 


I just gave my boss notice about 3 weeks ago.  The worst part was going into it and not knowing how he was going to react.  I couldn't eat anything all day until I talked to him because I felt like I was going to throw up.  So, I'd recommend before going to talk to him, calm yourself and take a few deep breaths.


Tonight, why don't you outline your reasons for leaving?  Keep it short and sweet and keep it from being personal.  Even if you don't have the best relationship with your boss, it's far better to leave on good terms than to get even.  When I gave my notice, I simply told my boss that I'd thought about it a lot and that it was time for me to start looking for other opportunities.  It wasn't personal, but I just felt like things were no longer a good fit.  Showing your commitment to both him and the job by staying until March and offering to train your replacement is a really good idea.  And if you approach it by telling him that you have no interest in leaving him in the lurch and that you want to fulfill your prior commitments, then really I think he'll respond well.


You'll feel a million times better tomorrow after it's over with.  I can guarantee it.  You'll sleep better and you'll feel like a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders.


Good luck!  I'll be thinking of you.  Let us know how it goes.



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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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i say ditto to everything the girls already said.  keep it short, sweet, and simple.  and remember, you are doing him a huge favor by giving him more than 6 months notice and he is seriously lucky to have/have had such a considerate employee.

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luckylily


Gucci

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Wow!  What a great opportunity.  Congratulations!


Is it common in your field to give such long notices? 



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kittenheels


Coach

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Congratulations on your exciting new opportunity!  Best luck tomorrow, I am sure you will be great!

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Um, good luck with all this, and everyone else's advice sounds great. I just wanted to say that the last time I gave six month's notice, it turned into six months of hell... since all my allies knew I was leaving andteh bossees had no reason to listen to me anymore and the people who always gave me trouble seemed to feel it was their last chance to get a few licks in... it was like being a lame duck in office or something. And seriously, at least three people took me aside and said that even though my heart was in the right place (my job was really unusual and I told them extra early so they could both find a replacement and factor it into their annual budget) that I should NEVER give notice more than two months in advance. So, anyway, just wanted to pass it along...

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ico


Dooney & Bourke

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Hi girls


thanks for all the advice. I told my boss first thing in the morning,and he was surprised but not upset. I decided to give him 6 months notice because that is the time it will take me to train another person in a way that will allow them to be able to run the process smoothly by themselves. And he seemed please by that. The reasons I was unhappy at this job don't have anything to do with him, I still like him as a boss!


We established which priorities I should have, which project should be taken to the end, and so on. I am really glad, at least for now, that I did it.


Then, I was talking to my sister over the phone, and my mom came on the phone. SHe started to tell me that I shouldn't have done that, that I cannot accept a job that pays less, and so on. Basically, I hung up. SHe didn't want to listen to my reasons, and the salary is relative, since it depends ont he cost of life how much it really is. I wrote to her to explain my choice and tried to call her to apologize for being rude, and she didn't want to talk to me. I was so upset I had to leave work b/c I couldn't do anything, and I knew I was gonna cry soon. I feel so crappy. The new job was also to be closer to her, who is getting older, and now I am almost regretting my decisions. I was really happy about my job switch, now all I can think about is that I don't want to be so close to her anymore. I'll love the projects I'll be working on my new job, but I feel really bad at the same time b/c of her



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Luv2Shop


Kate Spade

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RE: ok, I am gonna spill everything out *update*
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Oh sweetie! I am excited and sad for you at the same time! I know how parents can be, especially moms!! Sometimes they just get under your skin and have no idea they are hurting your feelings because they think they are "telling you what you need to hear". She just needs to understand that it's not ALL about money!! She'll come around eventually. But YAY for how it went with your boss and your new job!! How great for you that you have the courage to not be afraid of change, to do something you want and not let the fear of quitting and all that other BS scare you out of doing this! I am proud of you, stay strong!

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Alegria


Kate Spade

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Luv2Shop wrote:

Oh sweetie! I am excited and sad for you at the same time! I know how parents can be, especially moms!! Sometimes they just get under your skin and have no idea they are hurting your feelings because they think they are "telling you what you need to hear". She just needs to understand that it's not ALL about money!! She'll come around eventually. But YAY for how it went with your boss and your new job!! How great for you that you have the courage to not be afraid of change, to do something you want and not let the fear of quitting and all that other BS scare you out of doing this! I am proud of you, stay strong!

ITA.  Hang in there hon You made the right decision and things will work out just fine.

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