STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

lilyann · Dooney & Bourke

Do you ever hide purchases from your s.o?

atlgirl · Gucci

I don't hide anything from DH. He knows I love apparel and accessories, and while he's not happy about *all* of my purchases, he doesn't read me the riot act, either. Of course, I think I have a smaller shopping budget than most, so that might have something to do with it...

And I grew up with a mother who also "sort of" kept purchases from Dad. She never outright told me not to tell my father, but she'd occasionally keep things in the trunk of the car and then stash them in the closet when Dad had gone to work. And then if he asked (which he rarely did), Mom would say "Oh, this? I've had this for some time (three months, a year, etc)" and that would be the end of it.

But we don't have any secrets in our marriage. IMO keeping secrets - even something as typically non-deal-breaking as clothing purchases. I say "typically" because even that could be a deal-breaker for some, if the spending is out of control, since money is the #1 thing people fight about.

ecause I am feeling guilty for something I shouldnt be, because I dont buy anything thats out of my price range, and I dont feel that I should be punished for wanting to look goo

ITA. You've mentioned before about your husband's less-than-kind comments, and IMO as long as you truly feel you don't overspend, then stop feeling guilty. Enjoy what you're wearing and how it makes you feel. I'd just ignore those "don't you have enough shoes" comments completely and have some fun with your purchases, instead of hiding them and feeling bad about them. Life's too short to go around feeling guilty all the time. :(

TheLovelyLady71 · Hermes

Well, I use to do that w/Joe, but he KNOWS I have a shopping habit, so.... He's pretty use to me coming home w/about 3 or 4 bags of new clothes/shoes.

If he's nice, I may even have a thing or two for him, since he rarely buys himself anything. And don't worry about what your hubby said, Joe says that to me all that time (don't I have enough shoes), and it doesn't get to me. I do spend w/in my budget.

erin · Chanel

yes, but my husband does too, so i don't feel bad! he usually hides his book purchases at his office for about a month and then will bring them home. i comment "is that a new book?" and he will say "no, i've had it awhile." (and by that point, it's true!)

i guess i don't really "hide" them, but i put them away as soon as i get home and get rid of evidence of new items. he doesn't care either way, but i always feel guilty.

i also "round down" sometimes, too.

Bastet · Kate Spade

OMG lilyann, our husbands must be related! His mom always looks very put together, but he didn't inherit her love for shopping or clothes. He likes clothes, and would buy nice clothes, but he doesn't think he "needs" them, and so he doesn't buy them. I think he defines "need" in the strictest sense of the word.

My husband used to have conniption fits about my shopping. So I found that if I didn't tell him I bought something and put it away ASAP, I didn't have to deal with his snide comments until he checked the credit card bill on line. His comments made me feel guilty and irresponsible for wanting to shop.

Then the great shoe meltdown happened. Back in April, I told him that I needed to buy a pair of sneakers in September for our vacation, since my sneakers were almost 7 years old and literally falling apart. He reacted very inappropriately. Actually, he lost it, which is odd for him. He loudl demanded to know why I needed another pair of shoes and then proceeded to stomp into our bedroom and count all my pairs of shoes! He wanted to know why in 75 pairs of shoes (I rarely throw shoes out, so they tend to accumulate), I didn't already have a decent pair of sneakers for our vacation. Then he ranted for a while. We had a very long talk about this because it really upset me. Chances are, he doesn't even remember this incident, but it really effected me because his reaction, while it made perfect sense to him, seemed ridiculous and insulting to me.

Thankfully, after our talk, he got much, much better about the shopping. He realized that he was hurting my feelings and stopped being mean about it. The downside is, I doubt that shopping/fashion will ever be an interest I can share with him. He's not interested in getting clothes for himself and even when I go shopping with my mom and she pays, he's not in the least bit interested in seeing what I brought home.

-- Edited by Bastet at 10:59, 2006-08-08

Kitty · Hermes

Too funny.

It's not like my boyfriend (btw, we live together) is really keeping track of what I buy and we dont share money, so it's not totally his place to say anything, but I start to feel bad when I'm CONSTANTLY getting packages in the mail or coming home with like 10 shopping bags in my arms. He'll make little comments like here and there and I'll get paranoid and feel bad and so then I'll try to hide packages.

Another thing, is sometimes at night we're both on our laptops on the ktichen table and I'll see something I want to buy online, but I don't want him to see me grab for my wallet/credit card.

thrillme · BCBG

My fiancee and I share finances and since we are strained in that area right now I would not feel right hiding any purchases from him. We even discuss the grocery bill though. I am super paranoid about money and I wouldn't want him hiding purchases from me so I don't hide purchases from him.

I do have to say that I am very lucky in this respect because when we do have a little extra money his comment is always "Baby needs a new pair of shoes" and then we go shopping for shoes together.

luckylily · Gucci

In our house I'm the budget keeper and my DH is the one who has a harder time controlling spending. I'm usually pretty excited about my purchases, so I'll show them off as soon as I get them.

That said, I have been known to round down from time to time. Usually if I'm rounding down it is because I know I paid too much for something.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

My Hubby KNOWS I am addicted to shopping. Heck , that what I do for a living! So he has gotten used to it. However he occasionaly has a meltdown ( a famous nordies story for us : I was buying underwear. My fav brand is $18 a pair. He went crazy at the register. "you are spending $200 on thongs! are you crazy? You have like 1,000 pair of thongs, why do you need more. Your underwear could buy us a new car....." it wasnt pretty). Most of the time he takes it in stride and deals with it. I am never hidden this side of me, so there are no surprises.

I do however "round down" and he always "rounds up" lol!
me- It was only $150! (actually $200)
Him- (checks price tag) you mean $250!
me - no! ok $200.

calichic · Dooney & Bourke

My bf and I go shopping together; he loves shopping and in this city, it is a hassle for me to go out and shop, so we usually make a day of it. I also usually get too excited about online purchases to not tell him about them. I guess I am not that great at keeping secrets.

joy0302 · Kate Spade

When we are out shopping he is usually the one who encourages me to buy things. However, when I order items online, I tend to round down, ok honestly sometimes half priced down

Tashina · Kate Spade

i do about half the time. it just depends on what i am buying. shoes, i will definately stash, because my hubby hates it when i get a new pair because i have so many. and if i get something i don't think he will like, i will stash it and tell him it was a gift. i don't feel badly at all not telling him about this stuff. i rarely spend very much on my clothes anyway. i try to spend as little as possible on my items. but i do round down a lot. only when i buy something that is a little more pricey.

Sibeski · Dooney & Bourke

Hmmm...I don't think I hide them, but maybe that is my twisted reasoning. I take care of all the finances, seriously, all. My husband rarely knows how much $$ we have. Most of the time I sign his check and put it in the bank!He only cares that we have the money when he wants to buy som'n, which is rare. I buy his clothes as he is not a fan of shopping, unless it grocery shopping!

So, when I go shopping I either come home and put the clothes away or I drop the bags on the floor in the entryway. He never says anything either way, but he may not know the extent of my shopping - see the twisted reasoning!

However, we are moving to our new home (if it's finished) at the end of the year. He has stated - many times lately- that I need to clean out my closet!

Elle · Hermes

Sibeski wrote:

Hmmm...I don't think I hide them, but maybe that is my twisted reasoning. I take care of all the finances, seriously, all. My husband rarely knows how much $$ we have. Most of the time I sign his check and put it in the bank!He only cares that we have the money when he wants to buy som'n, which is rare. I buy his clothes as he is not a fan of shopping, unless it grocery shopping!

This is us, too.

I am a serious, serious bargain shopper, as in the items I buy are almost always less than $10 each. I never buy anything that's not on sale. He knows this, so when he balks at 'Another pair of shoes?!' I remind him that he knows how I shop. He does react better when I have a specific purpose for something, for whatever reason (recently bought a pair of shoes for $5.75 to go with a dress I already own for a wedding this month). Sometimes if I got a really screaming deal on something, I'll make him guess how much I paid for it !

He about had a heart attack when I bought my Handmaid bag last year for $220 . I really want a $212 Jocasi bag this year. I usually use 'found' money for purchases like these, which makes him feel better because it's not like I'm using rent money to buy a bag. But it's usually these bigger purchases that I don't say anything about until he asks or notices ...

He's also getting more comfortable with me shopping now because he's gotten into looking nice a bit more, too, trying to break out of the 'teenager in old navy tees, jeans, sneakers' thing. So he 'gets it' a little more now .

-- Edited by Elle at 13:56, 2006-08-10

jacL · Coach

I don't hide, but I never come right out and tell him. He is so unobservant about clothing that it usually takes him a few weeks of noticing. It is not really a surprise though since we share a checking account and he can see when money is spent.

kahluamilk · Dooney & Bourke

How funny- this topic was on the radio station a couple of days ago. A lady called in to offer her suggestion.. instead of trying to hide the bags or feel guilty walking in the house w/ lotsa bags.. drop off the new items at the drycleaners!! Then make him go pick up the drycleaning LOL!!

My bf and I spend our own money so I don't need to hide anything from him.

halleybird · Hermes

Nope, never. And I would be mad if he hid it from me. But we share finances and he does 100% of the bills, so he would find out anyway. Usually he lets me know if we have $ for me to shop with.

hotcocoa · Kate Spade

guilty. i have a few things "hiding out" right now. it's a pretty ridiculous thing to do but sometimes i like to control the moment that i say to my husband, "oh, i bought a new _________ the other day, can i try it on/show you later and get your opinion".

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

I don't need to, because we don't share our money, but I've had the urge to, simply because his comments would simply be in line with the financially responsible voice inside my head that I am currently ignoring. He's never snotty about it though, and if he does ever say anything (he almost never does), I have the perfect response ready: "how much did you spend on alcohol last year? And how much was that giant hulking monster of a plasma sitting in our living room?" That would shut him up right quick. I could also ask him how much he's lost gambling over the years. So obviously he's no angel, either.

Cricket · Gucci

I don't hide most purchases because my husband is so anal-retentive about the bank account/credit cards. He knows every purchase I ever make that's not cash. So I always mention that I went "shopping", but he doesn't care to see everything I bought. I usually tell him, though, because he hates hearing about my shopping expeditions!