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Metric


Gucci

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a rant about my brother
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I am so horrified by my brother right now. He has really upset me. This weekend we found out that our Grandfather passed away. He has in his late 80's and had been in the very late stages of dementia for the past 6-8 months so we had been expecting him to pass away for some time. My grandparents live in South Africa and are not close to us- they had little involvement with us growing up (by their choice, not my parents) and have chosen not to be involved with our adult lives at all, really. For example, they moved and didn't send us a new address or phone number. So we don't know them well but I took it as very sad news, nonetheless.


When my mother called my brother on Saturday to tell him, here's how he responded...First he asked if we'd be getting any more money (my grandparents sent us some $$$ about 6 or 7 years ago when they moved into a seniors facility and liquidated some of their assets, my grandparents are fairly well-off). My mom told him she didn't know, so then he tells her that if my Grandmother sends two plane tickets, they will be for him and his girlfriend, not he and I. He never expressed any sort of sadness or sympathy. Infact he seemed completely disinterested- like hearing that a small-time celebrity has died. All he was interesting in was money.


I am so annoyed by that, I don't even want to talk to him right now. What a cold reaction to some one's passing. Not only that, I'm hurt by that fact that he "decided" that his girlfriend will be taking my (nonexsistant, I highly doubt my grandmother will send for us) ticket to South Africa without considering me at all.


Am I over-reacting, do you think? Is that seem like a "normal" response to the news of a family member's passing? I don't know how to deal with my brother right now or what to say to him. Its just seems so strange to me.



-- Edited by Metric at 22:14, 2006-07-16

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laken1


Hermes

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I don't think you are over-reacting. I know for myself my grandmother that I wasn't at all close to passed about 7 months ago. I wasn't really sad but I never would have asked about money or told my dad what I expected from her death! I think it's really insensitive & immature toward you & your parents. Even if he doesn't care, he could express his sympathies & let it go. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this - I know you've had several issues with him & it just sounds like he's pretty selfish....

Don't have any suggestions, just wanted to let you know I don't think you are wrong to feel the way you do.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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I don't think you're over-reacting either. Even if you didn't know him well, he's still your grandfather, and that's a pretty cold reaction from your brother. I find it particularly galling that he would say his girlfriend would be going and not you, if these phantom tickets materialized. I'm sorry for your loss and sorry that your brother is causing these kinds of bad feelings. Do you have to see him anytime soon?

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blubirde


Chanel

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I think the money question is kind of understandable. Given the situation and receiving money in the past, I can see how that might come up. Of course I wouldn't ask that and you definitely didn't ask that but if that was the whole of the offense, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. We don't all react to death in an appropriate manner.


What really sucks is that he said his girlfriend would be going instead of you. What? And who says he gets to make that decision anyway? Seriously - so selfish. I would have lost it if my brother said that. I would have told him where he could shove his insensitive opinions and requests.


It sucks when people that are supposed to be nice aren't. I definitely think he needs to reevaluate his priorities and do a bit of growing up. I hope you don't have to be the subject of his insensitivies and selfishness in the future.



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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Um, I've sort of thought your brother needs a personality transplant since he crashed your car. Hope that's not too harsh. But yeah, it sounds like you're having a normal reaction and he is on the planet-of-self-absorption. Again. Sigh. It must be really frusttrating to deal with.

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joy0302


Kate Spade

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I don't think you are being too harsh. I can see if maybe he wouldn't take it extremely hard considering that they were not close, but a caring I am sorry that he is gone would have been nice. He should have sadness for him instead of asking for money. That is very selfish. If your grandmother were to send two tickets, you and your mother should take them and leave your brother and his girlfriend out. If your he and his girlfriend were to go they probably would not even go to the funeral, but instead for a vacation!


Don't feel bad! You are justified in your anger towards him. I would try not to talk to him if possible until in all blows over. The bad thing is that no matter how mad you get at someone you can not really change their personality. He seems to have no compassion and unfortunately you can't make someone have that if they don't already possess it.  If I were you I would just avoid him to keep yourself from having to get upset.



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luckylily


Gucci

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I don't even get why he would think it would be okay for his gf to use the other ticket (assuming your grandmother sent them).  I mean, your grandmother would probably send one of them specifically for you.  You are totally justified in being annoyed w/ him.


I am sorry for your loss. 



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