STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

The age question *Long, sorry!*

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I don't want to be a wet blanket, but I'm going to be honest: I don't think anyone should put too much stock in a connection that has only been for one week.

You met someone new and you hit it off -- that's great! But you need to give it time to grow before you do something like go to Hawaii, not to mention Africa 7 months from now. The fact is you don't really know this person, as much as you might like him and feel infatuated right now. Why rush into all this -- why the need to make all these big plans so quickly? You may very well discover he's not all that great when you get to know him better. Let it build naturally.

I also think there is some truth to the stereotype of older men liking younger women because they can more easily be the dominant one in the relationship, as the one who's older and more experienced. That's not to say it's always the case -- obviously it hasn't been with your mom, for instance -- but again, a reason to let things build naturally.

If he really does like you and is a genuinely great guy, then he will show that to you as the relationship progresses and the age won't be an issue. To me, the bigger issue here is taking time to get to know him.

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

Don't worry, I'm not thinking this is my soul mate or anything, but I'm never one to pass up a free trip. I do realize the relationship needs time (lots more time) to grow, but I wanted to get some perspective on the age thing before deciding whether it's worth putting time into this relationship. It wouldn't be fair to him for me to get involved and decide down the road that the age issue is insurmountable for me.

I welcome any and all input~

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I'm relieved!

OK, my answer is pretty much the same -- personally I think it's about the individuals involved and not strictly the age. You may be an old soul, he may be young at heart, there are a lot of intricacies about the two people involved -- what I mean is, if two people are right for each other then they just *are.* So, get to know him and see if you like the person he is.

I have only a little experience with dating someone that much older than me and the reason it didn't work out had nothing to do with his age, so I don't have much to offer in that regard!

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

I don't know about this guy. 3 trips within the next 7 months and all to distant places than where you are living now?? It just throws up a really big flag to me. I don't care how nice he is I wouldn't go on a trip with a guy I just met- maybe in 6 months or a year but I'd never leave the country with a guy I barely knew.

blubirde · Chanel

Here's my caviat (given before my answer): assuming all is safe....

Go for it! A whirlwind romance sounds exciting! I'd love someone to sweep me off my feet and take me around the globe. It would make my year.

As for the age thing, I think it's all up to you and the guy. If it's not a problem for you and him, then I don't think it matters.

All that said, I go back to my original caviat. Don't get in a situation you can't get out of and make sure you have all your bases covered.

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

I am skeptical of this guy too. After knowing him one week, he asks you to go to Africa?

I don't care what kind of connection you felt.. That is strange.

Where during this week did you talk about meeting each others' families and friends and the plans to hang out at home and dinner plans etc etc??

I dont care about his age.. I care that:

1. You don't know him.

2. He is trying to take you out of your comfort zone too early.

This could be very dangerous/hairy situation for you. Afterall, you met in Vegas. He could very well have a wife and 3 kids at home. YOU JUST DONT KNOW!

Please be careful. We will always be here for you.

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

Thank you all so much for your concern! It really means a lot.

Meeting families, etc..: He wants to meet my family, and already told his parents about me, and he met my sister when I was in Vegas. True, there's no way to know if he has a wife and 3 kids, especially considering he travels non-stop for business, but the Africa trip wouldn't be for 7 months, plenty of time to find out if he's a giant liar. We were also supposed to spend time with his friends this weekend, but I had to skip out for father's day. And the travel thing isn't a big deal for me because I am comfortable with traveling alone in foreign countries and wouldn't have a problem ditching him if it came to that.

The input is great...you're all making me look at the situation from other viewpoints, which is what I need.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

To be honest, this post raised some questions for me...

1. He's making long-term plans after one week?

2. He's dangling big, hard-to-turn-down opportunities in front of you? Hawaii, Africa -definitelygives a girl a reason to call back. That's trying pretty hard...

3. He's told his parents about you? That gives most girls a reason to think things are serious. I don't know anyone who's ever done that - especially at 42. It could be he's just excited, but it also kind of sounds like he says things girls want to hear. Or has a monster for a mom and calls her all the time (My ex just told me he needs to get his haircut approved by mama. I was like, "Oh, haha, you're kidding, right..." There's a pause... and then he goes, "Well, sort of..." Don't let this happen to you!)

4. He travels "non-stop"? That sort of lifestyle can foster players. Or guys who are so desperately lonely they glom on. Or, in one memorable encounter, a rare hybrid of both.

5. You met in Vegas? On vacation, right? And he asked you over for the weekend right away? I don't know, vacations tend to sort of force things to move quickly - you feel like you know the person better than you do...

And in general: Why does he have to come on so strong? Why does he want you to think so highly of him? Why isn't he already with someone? Does he usually date women his own age?

I don't know, he sounds like one of my exes - he fell hard, told me I was perfect and then in about two months, I was NOTHING but flaws... He also reminds me a little bit of a friend of mine, who's a master at getting girls to lower their defenses, but um, he's kind of an ass - usually unintentionally, he just over-promises because he's insecure. (We're not close friends).

You know what you're doing, and life is fun and flings are GREAT, so hope it works out for you! Just adding my two cents...

Kitty · Hermes

Dizzy wrote:

To be honest, this post raised some questions for me...

1. He's making long-term plans after one week?

2. He's dangling big, hard-to-turn-down opportunities in front of you? Hawaii, Africa -definitelygives a girl a reason to call back. That's trying pretty hard...

3. He's told his parents about you? That gives most girls a reason to think things are serious. I don't know anyone who's ever done that - especially at 42. It could be he's just excited, but it also kind of sounds like he says things girls want to hear. Or has a monster for a mom and calls her all the time (My ex just told me he needs to get his haircut approved by mama. I was like, "Oh, haha, you're kidding, right..." There's a pause... and then he goes, "Well, sort of..." Don't let this happen to you!)

4. He travels "non-stop"? That sort of lifestyle can foster players. Or guys who are so desperately lonely they glom on. Or, in one memorable encounter, a rare hybrid of both.

5. You met in Vegas? On vacation, right? And he asked you over for the weekend right away? I don't know, vacations tend to sort of force things to move quickly - you feel like you know the person better than you do...

And in general: Why does he have to come on so strong? Why does he want you to think so highly of him? Why isn't he already with someone? Does he usually date women his own age?

I don't know, he sounds like one of my exes - he fell hard, told me I was perfect and then in about two months, I was NOTHING but flaws... He also reminds me a little bit of a friend of mine, who's a master at getting girls to lower their defenses, but um, he's kind of an ass - usually unintentionally, he just over-promises because he's insecure. (We're not close friends).

You know what you're doing, and life is fun and flings are GREAT, so hope it works out for you! Just adding my two cents...

I agree with Dizzy, there are some major red flags with this guy - and age isn't one of them.

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

Dizzy wrote:

To be honest, this post raised some questions for me... 1. He's making long-term plans after one week? 2. He's dangling big, hard-to-turn-down opportunities in front of you? Hawaii, Africa -definitelygives a girl a reason to call back. That's trying pretty hard... 3. He's told his parents about you? That gives most girls a reason to think things are serious. I don't know anyone who's ever done that - especially at 42. It could be he's just excited, but it also kind of sounds like he says things girls want to hear. Or has a monster for a mom and calls her all the time (My ex just told me he needs to get his haircut approved by mama. I was like, "Oh, haha, you're kidding, right..." There's a pause... and then he goes, "Well, sort of..." Don't let this happen to you!) 4. He travels "non-stop"? That sort of lifestyle can foster players. Or guys who are so desperately lonely they glom on. Or, in one memorable encounter, a rare hybrid of both. 5. You met in Vegas? On vacation, right? And he asked you over for the weekend right away? I don't know, vacations tend to sort of force things to move quickly - you feel like you know the person better than you do... And in general: Why does he have to come on so strong? Why does he want you to think so highly of him? Why isn't he already with someone? Does he usually date women his own age? I don't know, he sounds like one of my exes - he fell hard, told me I was perfect and then in about two months, I was NOTHING but flaws... He also reminds me a little bit of a friend of mine, who's a master at getting girls to lower their defenses, but um, he's kind of an ass - usually unintentionally, he just over-promises because he's insecure. (We're not close friends). You know what you're doing, and life is fun and flings are GREAT, so hope it works out for you! Just adding my two cents...

Thank you Dizzy! I'll definitely keep all of this in mind...Like you said, there are a number of red flags... The biggest being if he's so great, why isn't he snatched up yet... But also the constant traveling, saying all the right things... I've met guys like this before. For now I'll just enjoy the fling, and the traveling that goes with it!

Maat · Kenneth Cole

The age thing is fine. I would have no problem dating someone 13 years older than me. I have done it before.

Like the others, the red flag for me is that he wants to take you all these places right away. However, maybe travel is such a way of life for him that asking someone to accompany him on these trips isn't as big of a deal as it might be for Joe Office Worker who makes one trip a year and plans it 6 months in advance. Maybe the only way a SO can fit into his life is if they come along on these trips. Also, it isn't THAT big of an emotional investment to ask you to go on these trips. If you are not together anymore, it will be obvious that the invitation is off.

Many times, a guy and I have talked about the "future" in the first week of dating. I just look at it with the expectation of "Okay. Cool. If we are together in 5 months and things are going really well, I will move to CA with him for his upcoming transfer at work (or whatever the "thing in the future" is). Some people are just like that: saying things they would want to do with a SO in the future even though they don't know you. And then others will only talk about the future when they are absolutely sure you will be in it.

I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing. I would just be aware that all of this IS happening kind of fast. Enjoy hanging out with him, enjoy the trips, but constantly remind yourself that you just met him and don't really know him. Let your emotions develop at the same speed you would with some other guy who isn't sweeping you off your feet with expensive trips. Just accept what he has to offer and spend time getting to know him. Maybe even request a separate room when you go on the first trip for safety's sake.

I would see if there's anything you can do to find out if he is married or has girls all over the world though.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Maat wrote:

Maybe even request a separate room when you go on the first trip for safety's sake.

I agree, that's a great idea. How many times have we all met someone who seemed nice at first and turned out to be a big ol freak? Protect yourself and don't share a room right away!

Mandy · Kate Spade

honestly, i would go for it, but proceed with caution. i love to travel and i have traveled out of the country with people i just met (we went to school together so sort of different). if you are ok being on your own and wiling to leave him if things get weird no matter where you are, then i think you will be ok. like maat said, for people who travel a lot, this isn't a big deal to invite someone along.

i don't like the reasoning of if he is so great why is he single. a lot of us on here that are single are fabulous and we don't need to justify why we are single.

my only concern is when things start out so serious and passionate in the beginning, it usually fizzles quickly.

NCshopper · Hermes

I'm kinda with the other girls that there are some red flags here for me. This guy sounds like Mr. Too Good To Be True and we all know that there's no such person, so something strange is going on here.

But aside from that, here's my opinion on the age issue: I don't think that an age difference is an issue unless there are inherent problems with the person/relationship to begin with. If the person is controlling and wants to be the dominant one in the relationship, that's a problem that's already there and really has nothing to do with age. And if the person is really immature and seeking younger girls because of it, then that's a problem with the person and not necessarily a symptom of a large age difference.

So I guess what I'm saying is that age isn't really an issue if the two people are right for each other. As far as this guy goes, enjoy yourself, but just be careful.

Drew · Gucci

I agree so much with what the other ladies warned you about and just want to add one thing because you mentioned it, "I'm never one to pass up a free trip." Nothing in life is free and believe me when I tell you he will expect something in return.