STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Hard to explain problem...

Elle · Hermes

Dizzy wrote:

Has anyone else ever lived someplace where the people just seem DIFFERENT from you?

YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! It's not just you, trust me! I like it here, but I find myself looking at people and thinking "Are you f**!ing serious?" all. the. damn. time. Before we moved and I hated the city we lived in, it was much much much worse. We lived in Spokane, aka the Armpit of the Northwest, and the people there are friggin' aliens I swear. Like, they get excited to wear their fancy flip flops to the one 'nice' restaurant in town .

Dizzy, maybe you're living the real life version of Invasion ... anyway, are you stuck in the city you're in for any certain length of time? I know I'd want to get the hell out of dodge if I were you!

nicoley · Coach

Dizzy this is such a great post, and I totally understand what your feeling like. I feel completely the same way since ive moved to my new university. The only people Im around really are my pharmacy class and I thought well maybe because its new and I have to give it time, and then maybe they wont seem so weird and different. But Now as im ending my first year at my new school, they are still way way different than me. I volunteer and keep busy, even joined the intermural soccer team (soccer is where I always click with people) but no, there was no click when I talked to them or hung out with them. And I mean I have friends at school, but i really just consider them aquaintences because we have really not much in common and they are no fun to hang out with, we could seriously go all day sometimes without them trying to make conversation.... so boring! So i too feel isolated, its no fun going out on the weekends with people who arent fun to be around and you have no connection with. I think I can relate to what you going through, and for the sake of me and you, I hope this is just a phase that will pass and we will really connect with some fab people! At any rate, its nice to know that Im not going crazy or the only one that feels like this!

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

ok the solution i have can't work for another year and that solution is simply to MOVE!! preferably to LA so we can hang out

meanwhile, just act however the f*ck you feel like, and don't be shy about it either. like if someone thinks some gross restaurant is so wonderful just be like--really, i thought their food sucked. they obviously can't appreciate sarcasm and i remember you said self-depracating comments just made them judge you so at this point be up-front and blunt about who you are and what you think and if they disagree well at least you were yourself and gave them something to think about. don't worry about fitting in because the fact of the matter is you don't really want to be like them anyway.

Maddie · Coach

This is my life at college and it totally sucks and I have no advice. I'm kind of the opposite though. I have like five really good friends and then no aquaintances. It bad because as much as I love my friends, I hate feeling uncomfortable at parties or not going to them at all because I don't know anyone. But then whenever I meet someone I think I'm going to be friends with it's fine at first and then I realize that they're exactly like the people you described - don't get my jokes, have no idea about anything happening outside of their sheltered lives, listen to bad music, only like talking about drinking and boys, etc, and it's just not worth my time. But then it's so depressing because I feel like I'm missing out on the quintessential college experience and all the fun they're having even though I don't like them and wouldn't have fun with them.

Anyway, I spent a while hating college, realized that was incredibly spoiled because I'm really having a great academic experience now that many people would kill for and I'm lucky to have this opportunity. So I've just started thinking about it as only one more year where I'll be writing thesis anyway. It suck, but it's not permanent. You only have one year left, right? And then you can go wherever you want.

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

Elle wrote:

Dizzy wrote:
Has anyone else ever lived someplace where the people just seem DIFFERENT from you?

Um, yeah, I'll 2nd this. I don't feel like ANYONE here "gets" me, and I often get comments directed at me about the fashion I like (everyone is stuck on past trends), my music, and other things that are basically my interests. It totally sucks when people just don't understand; People wonder why I hate living here so much.....

-- Edited by CarrieS at 00:53, 2006-06-02

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Yes, I absolutely have lived somewhere where everyone else felt different! It was my hometown. I felt like I just did not belong for years and years -- few people got my sense of humor, or were interested in stuff I was interested in, and that can get pretty lonely. I had a hard time thinking of what to talk to people about. When can you move away to someplace new? That's what I ended up doing. I feel like there *have* to be some other like-minded people around for you to hang out with -- or at least I really hope so. Are there any kinds of organizations you can join, like a film society or something that interests you? Just trying to come up with ideas...!

boobaby · Kate Spade

After college, I spent two years in a city and had such a miserable time. I could not relate to the people, the way of life, the lack of humor. I wanted to love it there, because it was beautiful, clean and liberal. I grew up in a very conservative town, and consider myself to be very liberal, but most people I met in my new city were oppressively liberal, if that makes sense. No sense of humor, everything so serious and dire all the time. I actually developed a slight addiction to NyQuil, just because sleeping passed time. It is so embarrassing to admit (I mean, how sad is it to abuse over the counter cold medicine), but I was miserable. Every time I called home, I would tell myself "Don't cry this time", and within 2 minutes of talking to my parents or siblings, I would be bawling my eyes out.

So one day my dad asked me how much my happiness is worth and do I realize how short life is, and it struck a nerve. 2 weeks later I moved to where I am now, and even though it was rough (unemployed for 4 months, etc.), I wouldn't change a thing if I could.

poptart · Coach

esquiress wrote:

ok the solution i have can't work for another year and that solution is simply to MOVE!! preferably to LA so we can hang out meanwhile, just act however the f*ck you feel like, and don't be shy about it either. like if someone thinks some gross restaurant is so wonderful just be like--really, i thought their food sucked. they obviously can't appreciate sarcasm and i remember you said self-depracating comments just made them judge you so at this point be up-front and blunt about who you are and what you think and if they disagree well at least you were yourself and gave them something to think about. don't worry about fitting in because the fact of the matter is you don't really want to be like them anyway.

I completely agree. Except I think you should move to San Fran instead of LA.

It sounds like people in your city completely lack sophistication and an appreciation for anything different. Are you in the south, by chance? (I don't know why, but your post just gave me an image of a bunch of people who only say things that are "polite" and who only enjoy things that are socially acceptable, which I associate with the south, and I really don't mean to be offensive to anyone - it's just a different mindset.) I agree that the best you can do is stick it out, continue to be yourself, and then move. And know that you're definitely not alone; I think most people have experienced this at some point.

blubirde · Chanel

I'm out the door but I'm going to come back and respond later. In the meantime I just have to say: Bwahahahaha!!! You can't compare yourself to POWs, girl! Compared to prisoners, every life rocks, right? Okay, that cracked me up. I'll be back in a few to respond properly because I completely get where you're coming from.

bestwhensimple · Nine West

Dude! I totally understand what you're feeling, dizzy. That's basically how I felt my first year at college. It was a completely different atmosphere that depressed me. Most everyone I lived with was either totally into partying and drinking, or studying and sleeping, and honestly, I just wanted to have fun without being completely incoherent. It was like there was no middle ground. So, I just listened to music in my room or went to concerts by myself (because no one I knew listened to the same type of music as I did). At the end of my first year, I magically met a wonderful person (in my hall!) who was also frustrated with the way things were in college. And, so, we made college fun by ourselves by going to coffee shops, art exhibits, concerts, or shopping. But, honestly, there has to be one other person in your town that feels the same way you do. I find that I judge people too quickly, without giving them a chance. When I do give them a chance, though, I'm surprised. Maybe the person or people you're looking for are also just being polite to fit in with the atmosphere. They're out there, you just have to find them.

Oh, yeah, and another solution would be moving. Because going to a new place is always an adventure.

blubirde · Chanel

poptart wrote:

esquiress wrote: ok the solution i have can't work for another year and that solution is simply to MOVE!! preferably to LA so we can hang out

I completely agree. Except I think you should move to San Fran instead of LA.

No! Move to Austin. We like sarcasm here. And we have a few decent restaurants. Move here!

I know exactly where you're coming from. That's the way I felt all through law school. I had friends but I always felt like I had to try sooo hard with them. And I could never truly say what I wanted to say or act without thinking. It can be very lonely. Luckily law school ended and I got to choose my surroundings more.

I still feel that way sometimes. Like you, I believe sarcasm is an artform , and I talk too much and probably sound a lot more like a Gilmore girl than should really be allowed in real life. But I finally just decided to f*ck it. I say what I want, when I want, and in whatever quantity I want. If someone doesn't like it there are two options available to them: a) get in a verbal sparring match, which works for me because I'm excellent at such things and I find them terribly entertaining or b) they can leave me alone and not hang out with me and hey, good for me, too.

Of course sometimes you get tired of being misunderstood or underappreciated or working to have fun so I have a few core friends I fall back on when I need to. My BFF is great and she completely gets me. If I start feeling misunderstand and tired of morons, I hang out with her a bit more until my mental armor is up and functioning again. I definitely need recoup times with people who get it.

The good part about being around such idiots all the time is that you learn to really value people who you click with. I might have overlooked some people a few years ago for stupid reasons that I can now overlook easily because I know I don't have to pretend around them and they appreciate me for me.

I hope you feel better soon and if you don't - move to Austin! Screw Cali - it's too earthquakey there. It's only hot here.

-- Edited by blubirde at 15:06, 2006-06-02

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Aw, y'all, thank you so much! I honestly thought I was the only one this had ever happened to, but if so many cool people have felt the same way, then it's just normal. And you know what, really this is an opportunity for me to stand up for myself and say what I really think instead of being polite, no matter what anyone else thinks. I've never really tried to do that before. So really, this last year here is a good thing. Thank you so much for confirming that I'm not crazy, though! All the puzzled looks had me worried...

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

I'm putting in a bid for Dizzy on behalf of NYC... LOTS of good restaurants!

I'm very fortunate to be able to say that I haven't been in that position for most of my life, but I remember the feeling from when I was a kid. Up until sixth grade everyone treated me like I had two heads because I was smart. It was really unpleasant and really alienating. It is 100% THEM and not you, and as someone said, you wouldn't want to be like them anyway. You've got, what, one more year of school and then you're done? Hang in there, you'll be out of there soon!