STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

doodles · BCBG

nevemind

killa · Dooney & Bourke

RE: boy trouble

Mandy · Kate Spade

doodles wrote:

my live in boyfriend has made it very clear to me that he doesn't want me talking to any ex's or guy friends, this is understandable to me.

this concerns me. i know, for me, this would not work. i have too many guy friends and im not willing to give them up. if you have cheated on him or something and he has a reason to not trust you, thats one thing. but if he says this for no reason, i take issue with that.

with that said, every relationship is different. if you are ok with this, thats all that matters.

as far as him talking to an ex, i would not tolerate a double standard like that. confronting him depends how you found out. if its by normal means, i could ask him about it outright and voice your concern. if you checked his email or his phone or something like that (unless he knows you do this), i might not show my cards on that. i wouldn't be so concerned that he talks to the ex but that he kept it from you and prohibited you from doing the same thing.

Hermes

those who cannot trust others, often cannot be trusted themselves.

in other words, he is projecting upon you what he is capable of. JMO

doodles · BCBG

-- Edited by doodles at 19:24, 2006-05-25

Elle · Hermes

detroit wrote:

those who cannot trust others, often cannot be trusted themselves. in other words, he is projecting upon you what he is capable of. JMO

I could not agree more.

doodles · BCBG

thanks guys, i think i know what i have to do.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I agree with Detroit - this sounds very shady. Why does he get to pick who you talk to? Does he decide other things for you, or is this something really specific that has to do with a past experience or something like that? Because that's the only justification I can think of for it, and even then, it seems like he would be able to keep the rule for himself. Something just doesnt' feel right. But I'm not there so I could be wrong. What do you think, what does your gut say?

doodles · BCBG

nm

Hermes

RE: boy trouble

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I don't know. He only tries to control the boys in your life? That's half the population. And I guess I would worry that once someone starts feeling entitled to control you, they will gradually extend it. Especially if their justification is something about you that they have decided you need to make up for. So you've made mistakes, who hasn't? You don't have to pay for them forever. You just have to be a trustworthy person today.

The way he has it set up, you have to do something to "make up" for your past mistakes, but he apparently doesn't? Maybe he didnt' think it through, but he seems really insecure. And insecure people can be really hurtful. (I know because date them over and over and over, for some reason I feel like I have to take care fo them....) Is it possible this is something that you're doing, trying to be really nice to him, when he doesn't feel like he has to be as nice to you? Because allowing him to be in charge of all your encounters with men is giving up a huge amount of control. And the thing is, what if a guy decides he has a crush on you even if you havent' encouraged it. Would this guy get mad at you? Or what if you do develop a friendship with a guy, do you really want to give up that possibility because you made a bad judgment call but didn't cheat?

It's up to you, but I think it would be really understandable if you decided this guy is asking too much of you and renegotiated the deal or even, if you want, rethought the relationship. Could you ask him what he thinks about allowing you to pick your own friends? Could he handle it?

-- Edited by Dizzy at 19:10, 2006-05-25

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

RE: nevemind