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Post Info TOPIC: Arg! I am so confused right now.
bestwhensimple


Nine West

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Arg! I am so confused right now.
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So, my situation got a little complicated.

The last two times that I hung out with my guy friend who is really nice, things got physical. But, we both agreed that we wouldn't start a relationship or anything because of it. Well, anyway, so I called him on Monday to see if he wanted to hang out on Tuesday, and he said that he did, but that I should call him the next day after I'm done with school because he was going to go to happy hour with his sister. So, I called him on Tuesday when I said I would, and he didn't pick up. I ran some errands and called him a couple hours later to see if he'd answer his phone then. He didn't. I was frustrated because I had kept the afternoon open so that we could hang out and now he wasn't even picking up his phone. So I left a message asking him to call me later. I didn't call him after that. It's Thursday, and he still hasn't called me back. I don't understand what is going on. Was he just lying about wanting to hang out with me? Or is he still interested and trying to play hard to get? Oh, and this is a guy that I've been friends with for over a year.

I've been out of the dating pool for so long, I don't know how to interpret his behavior. Help!


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Life is best when it's simple.
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Hermes

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well, bestwhensimple, it's simple.  if he wanted to hang out with you he would.  people do what they want to do.  what he decided he wanted to do was not hang out with you or call you back.


I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, and I could tell you, "oh he probably needs time to think about things because he probably really likes you and this is all overwhelming" but that would all be BS, and I know better because I've been around the block a few times. so I'm just going to give it to you straight and simple -- people do what they want to do, and he wants to do something other than hang out with you or call you back. I'm just trying to save you time in second guessing and wondering where he's coming from when it's all very clear.  there's no need to be mad at him or sad about the situation - he just doesn't want a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.


you will know when someone wants a serious relationship with you - they will try to spend as much time with you as possible...


hang in there - he will show up one day...



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"Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess." ~ Edna Woolman Chase
blubirde


Chanel

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Posts: 4845
Date:
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Detroit's totally right. Boys are infamous for not calling/showing up/talking/etc. when they want to back out of things and don't know how. It's a pain, especially when it happens to you but it is what it is. Best thing to do, imo, is to write him off. He's not worth pursuing because he'll just confuse you more.


However, if it makes you feel better, he'll most likely come crawling back (usually in the form of drunken late-night telephone calls). Just don't worry about it dwell on it too much and chalk it all up to a learning experience. When relationships end and we get back out there, we need a whole bunch of experiences before we can figure everything out for ourselves.


Here's the thing to remember: most boys = jerks. Keep your eyes open for the ones that aren't. They'll do you the least harm.



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bestwhensimple


Nine West

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Posts: 53
Date:
RE: Arg! I am so confused right now. *update?*
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Well, I finally got a response from him. On myspace. He told me that he hadn't called because he was busy working to cover the rent check he just gave to his landlord, and also because he's scared that I'm already getting attached to him. And that he wants to be my friend still because both of us are not ready for a relationship now.

Honestly, I don't think that I'm attached. I would just call him when I wanted to hang out, which was like once or twice a week. I honestly haven't had to deal with any of the dating etiquette stuff for over five years, when my last relationship started. And so, I've just been doing what I would do with any friend, which is call them when I want to hang out. I also told him that he's really cool. But he reciprocated that sentiment with me too. Is that wrong? Does what I said or did come off as desperate? Should I not have called as often? Or do I have to wait for him to call? Or should I just be nonchalant about the whole thing and not express my feelings as much? Honestly, I don't know how to date anymore. I'm so out of practice! I don't want to make the same mistakes that I made in this last endeavor when I try to date someone else.

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Life is best when it's simple.
D


Hermes

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Posts: 8209
Date:
RE: Arg! I am so confused right now.
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when guys say "I want to be friends" it means "I don't want you to hate me."  he doesn't want to be your friend in the true sense, like hanging out together, he just doesn't want you to hate him. 


no, you shouldn't have called. wait for him to call you, but don't hold your breath. I would write this one off.



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"Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess." ~ Edna Woolman Chase
Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2130
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I'm so sorry sweetie - this one is tough, but you're going to be fine. Don't take them at face value, and don't worry about it too much - I know that's easier said than done. I just got back into dating after being with my ex for six years and I was amazed at how different it is. But in a year you'll be amazed by how much you know about dating.

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