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Post Info TOPIC: Betraying Trust or not?
laken1


Hermes

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Betraying Trust or not?
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My little sister (half sister, same dad) turned 18 March 5th. On the 6th she went & got her belly button pierced without telling my dad & her mom. Her mom told me about it & is upset, but realizes she can't really do anything about it - I don't know if my dad knows or not. She emailed me to let me know she got my present & thank me & told me about the whole belly button ring thing. Then she tells me that she got the top of her ear pierced & they don't know yet (surely just a matter of time) but she knows they will be mad & that she wonders what they'll say after she gets her nose pierced after she graduates.

Part of me feels like I need to say something to her mom, but I'm the "cool" sister & have always done exactly whatever I wanted no matter what anyone said. And my older sister "tattled" on me on some things I confided in her & it has really changed our relationship through out the years - she wants to be best friends & I won't tell her some things because I don't want her to tell my mom.

But now I feel like if they find out I knew I'll be the bad sister - that it's partly my fault - if that makes sense. I feel like this is pretty minor albeit I think it's kinda dumb (different generation & all - no offense to anyone that has a nose ring) but I want her to feel like she can come to me. And if I say something now she will have no where to turn if it is a more serious situation / event.

So I'm not supposed to tell, right?


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Christine


Coach

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Right, you shouldn't tell. IMO, remaining her confidante is more important than letting her mom know about this. If it were a very serious situation, I might have different thoughts.

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Elle


Hermes

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Well, since she's 18 and it's not illegal and she's only doing something that affects her physical body alone, I don't think there's any reason to tell.  She may well regret the nose ring at some point, and she may not, but the bottom line is that it's her choice now.  She's just testing the waters of her newfound freedom - as long as what she does continues to be legal and doesn't put her or anyone else at risk, I really don't think there's anything to tell.

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Ritz


Dooney & Bourke

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eh.. she's not hurting herself or doing anything permanent.. i wouldn't tell her mom. you could just give her your own opinion: that you don't think she should do it, a lot of people have had bad experiences with nose rings, she'll always have a small hole, etc. but tell her you support what she wants to do.. so that way you are the good sister in every way.


seems like she's just feeling rebellious "i pierced this and this and they got mad, wait till i pierce this too..." and maybe just wanting to see what everyone thinks.. i know i do that to my older sister when im feeling rebellious but not sure i want to go ahead with whatever i'm doing..


 



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Metric


Gucci

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I agree, she isn't really hurting herself (if it was drugs or cutting herself or something- different story!) so go on being the cool sister and don't tell. I never told my parents when I did things to my body (peircings, stupid hair colors) and eventually they got used to it. I think its a natural part of growing up and pulling away from your parents.

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member


Hermes

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I wouldn't tell her mom.  You're not going to gain anything by it, other than possibly losing the closeness you have w/her.  And look at it like this - even if you tell her mom, your sister is 18 now and nothing her mom can do will stop her if she really wants to do it.  So why bother risking your relationship w/her?

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Shello


Kenneth Cole

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I would suggest to tell her maybe to think about it more, because if you think it might just be rebellious thing she may regret it later, but I wouldn't tell her mom. I think by now she knows she's going to have to live with the consequences of her actions.

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nunzi182


Kate Spade

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I wouldn't say anything to her mother. You want to make her feel like she can come to you with problems, no matter how severe. And, like all the others, it's not as if she's hurting herself by what she's doing...she's just experimenting

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laken1


Hermes

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I figured this was the answer but it's always better to hear it! I'll see her in a few weeks & will probably tell her how I feel about it - if I don't email her first. But really it's her decision. I just think about how terrible I was at 18 - I can't believe the terrible decisions I was making at her age!

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blubirde


Chanel

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It's just body piercings. No biggie. Lots of people get them. It doesn't hurt anyone. It may shock her parents a bit but if that's the worst shock they get from her, good for them. I agree with all the other girls. If it was something more important, that'd be a different situation. But since it's really fairly minor, I'd just keep her confidence and let her know your feelings on your own.


Here's to hoping she listens to you! (I don't say that with full enthusiam though, because I think nose piercings are cool. Hee!)



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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Hey - I didn't see this earlier, but I agree with everyone else - there's no need to tell... And you sound like a very cool big sister

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RyanJ


Coach

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ditto- don't be a tattle .

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