STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

laken1 · Hermes

IM etiquette (long vent, sorry)

Hermione · Kate Spade

i'm getting annoyed just reading this post. i would start weaning her off of you (aka blowing her off)

you aren't good enough friends to tell her "look, this is really annoying, stop it!," so i would say just let it go.

otherwise, if you still want to maintain the friendship, you will have to try to tell her somehow, but probably (since you're not that close) she'll get offended and it will be awkward ...

hrm, good luck.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I changed my mind, I like what Ncshopper said...

I don't know. I guess I would tell her. Just because you obviously are ready to give up the friendship anyway, and this is something she should probably know about herself. Because it's really weird. Really. Weird. She might get upset with you, but it's not like you want her to stay around or you're close enough that it matters (I guess that sounds cold, sorry). And she might remember it later if someone else says something. But she can't change if you just start ignoring her.

Or maybe, you could start blowing her off, and if she asks why, then you could tell her...

-- Edited by Dizzy at 19:36, 2006-03-08

shopgirl82 · Chanel

i would say to her half-jokingly next time you SPEAK to her, "wow, my mom doesn't even check on me as much as you do" or something like that with STRONG sarcasm, hoping she gets it. or "hey, i just wanted to let you know i'm going to the bathroom, so you don't worry". if it doesn't work, tell her that one of your biggest pet peeves is when windows constantly pop up when you're typing. just SOMETHING to get her off your back.

it sounds like she's nice and means well, but is just annoying. if you want to stay friends i would bring it up, if not, i would just keep on blowing her off.

i'm sorry about that, that sounds like a really frustrating situation.

NCshopper · Hermes

shopgirl82 wrote:

it sounds like she's nice and means well, but is just annoying.

I agree. I wonder if she's really insecure too--like she's not really checking up on you to make sure you're okay, but more checking up to make sure that the state of your friendship is still good. Does that make sense? Like I'll bet she's the type of person that ALWAYS needs someone to do something with and wouldn't imagine going somewhere, anywhere, by herself. (Granted, this is a fairly sweeping conclusion to come to after the bit you posted about her, but I'm just thinking she might just be a clingy person.)

Anyway, there are two things you can do: 1) Just ignore it. Ignore her emails, IMs, etc when she checks in on you. Email/IM her only when its on your terms and when it has nothing to do with her checking in on you. 2) Just be blunt. Tell her you're fine, you generally are fine, and that if anything's wrong, someone will let her know. Or, I just thought of another: Every time she asks if you're alright, you can respond saying, "Yes, thanks. Why do you ask?" And respond this way EVERY TIME. She might not understand how often she's asking you, and when faced with having to explain it, she might realize how often she's doing it.

All in all though, I don't necessarily think it's something to break a friendship off over. But if she's clingy in other ways too, then it might be time to give it a break.

blink · Coach

shopgirl82 wrote:

i would say to her half-jokingly next time you SPEAK to her, "wow, my mom doesn't even check on me as much as you do" or something like that with STRONG sarcasm, hoping she gets it. or "hey, i just wanted to let you know i'm going to the bathroom, so you don't worry". if it doesn't work, tell her that one of your biggest pet peeves is when windows constantly pop up when you're typing. just SOMETHING to get her off your back. it sounds like she's nice and means well, but is just annoying. if you want to stay friends i would bring it up, if not, i would just keep on blowing her off. i'm sorry about that, that sounds like a really frustrating situation.

I agree with this. She sounds like she might be a sensitive type and you guys aren't especially close so no need to be confrontational with her, just joke it off and she'll get it. Or if not, just kindly tell her that she should email your personal email account rather than IM you to contact you because you aren't able to get work done and cannot keep being "on" all the time for personal correspondence.

-- Edited by lorelei at 22:43, 2006-03-08

honey · Gucci

i agree with ncshopper. i think she's just that type of person. in general i'm not the biggest fan of im b/c people always im me at the worst times.

laken1 · Hermes

Thanks for those of you who weighed in on this. I was going along with it but today I didn't get on yahoo #1, it's my day off & my boss is on there & I don't want to deal with him. #2, i have crap to do! So she sent me this:

Just saying hello…haven’t seen you online so I wanted to check in and see what was going on.

UGH!!!!!!!! I'm not logging on Monday (my other day off) either & when she says something about it I'm going to tell her that I don't spend my life on IM & I have things to do on my day off. To drop it & I don't check in with my mom that often. If it hurts her feelings, so be it!