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Post Info TOPIC: Is he really into me or is he full of s**t.**UPDATE**
cat


Marc Jacobs

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Is he really into me or is he full of s**t.**UPDATE**
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As some of you may remember I had a nasty breakup with my boyfriend last month (He dumped me over the phone and wanted back the pearl earrings he gave me.) I am still trying to get over this break up and really don't want to get involved with any one new at this point.


So anyway two weeks ago I was at my friends house for a house warming party and I met this guy (will call him R) who is her husbands friend.He  is  fairly attractive and very easy to talk with. I made it clear that right now and in the immediate future(next few months) I do not want to get romantically involved with any one.


He lives in the U. K so I didn't see any harm in giving him my email and told him to IM me if he sees me online. That I would like to be friends.
So we have talked on line three times now and I think that he really likes me, but there are some things that he says that seem like a bunch of bull s**t.That I feel like he is just using lines on me.
I would like to get your opions on them.
Here are some of the things that he has said to me that strike me as being fake or off.(sorry they are out of context but i didn't want to post the whole long conversation.)


#1"You need some one to hold you and protect you and not let you go."


#2 "ah, only and ocean between us, but the thought is lovely"(when talking about hanging out together.)


#3 "No this is such a lovely start to my day" (after i asked him if he could talk right then.)


#4 "you are a breath of fresh air."


#5 "I could seriously fall for you."


After he said this I freacked out, and said " oh god,please don't say that." (BecauseI am not ready to be involved with some one right now,and the last thing I need Is some one toying with my feelings.)


Anyway he apologized( he also emiled me today and siad he was sorry.)Here is part of his reaction to what I said.


"chatting like this creates a relationship. It's very difficult to define that relationship.".......


....."so, not idle words, but very thoughtless of me knowing your recent experience and for that I apologise"


Okay,Am i just being paranoid becuase of my recent and past relationships?Or should I run as fast as I can?


TIA


*FOR UPDATE SEE POST BELOW*



-- Edited by cat at 19:14, 2006-03-04

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
kittenheels


Coach

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RE: Is he really into me or is he full of s**t.
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It sounds like you've had a very difficult couple of months.  I think you are very smart to be a bit wary of him.  Do you think he might just be one of those very "open" sorts of people?  It sounds to me like he is very open and effusive, so could it all be that he just needed that reminder from you?  When is the next time you see him?  I hope you feel better.



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Maddie


Coach

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To be brutally honest I think this is a huge waste of your time/emotions.

The internet is in no way the same as reality (and this is coming from an AIM addict). While I think it's an easy way to keep in touch with friends it's not a good method of getting to know someone. For example, this site. It's so easy to present the best sides of ourselves and while I feel like I know people on some level I have no doubt that hanging out with them in real life would add a whole other dimension I could never predict. Particularly when we're talking romantically and particularly after THREE conversations! That's nothing. I find it creepy that he would say that he "could seriously fall for you" after THREE online conversations.

So regardless of whether he's into you or not I'd let it go. I understand it's popular now to meet people online, but I'm very skeptical about the idea of building a relationship/falling for someone online (particularly after three conversations!).

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Eurodaisy


Dooney & Bourke

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Listen to your instincts.  If what he's saying makes you feel weird, it's because it is weird. 


Nonetheless, it's not unusual these days for couples to meet, get to know each other, and fall in love all online... my aunt did.  Her husband is an engineer from Sweden and is very cool, loved and accepted by all of my dad's family.  They met on AOL years and years ago, and he moved to the US for her.  So it's not impossible, even with the legitimate dangers that Maddie pointed out (presenting the best sides of onesself, the limitations of the internet as a way to immediately gauge a personal or emotional connection to someone, etc.). 


Still, if a guy that I'd just met started saying those things to my face in person, I'd feel creeped out... and, if I were in your shoes, that kind of talk wouldn't feel any more kosher to me just because it's over AIM.


And I hate to pee on anyone's parade, but it's possible that he's just trying to butter you up for a hookup next time he's in the U.S.



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NCshopper


Hermes

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I'm tempted to think this is a waste of time too.  The chances of this panning out into a real working relationship is extremely slim, not to say that it can't happen, but it's a really slim chance.


Also, in my book, he's already broken your rules.  You said you weren't ready for a relationship.  That should be it.  Period.  And he's already talking about relationships and how he could be so into you blah, blah, blah, that I really think that he doesn't care about your opinion or your wants and needs.  So it doesn't look like it's off to a healthy start to begin with.


I obviously don't know you in real life, but I think you might just be better off with some alone time for a little while until you start figuring out what it is you want and need and then get back into dating at that point. 


I'm also thinking like Eurodaisy, that he might just be saying what he's saying to butter you up and so he's got a guaranteed booty call next time he's in the states. 



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D


Hermes

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I'm with the others... trust your insticts here.  if it doesn't sit right, there's a reason...

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cat


Marc Jacobs

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I am pretty much feeling the way you guys do.If what he is saying seems wierd I should trust my instincts,because chances are it is wierd.It is just good to hear that from other people.


Kittenheels- He will be back in the U.S on business sometime next month and we were going to see each other then,but now I am rethinking that.


NCshooper- I think you are totally  right about taking some time off of dating to start figuring out what it is that I want/need.That was my plan after my I broke up with my last bf :just some time by myself.Now I met this guy and it just kind of nocked me off course.


You gus could be totally right about the whole "booty call" thing.I was kind of wondering about that myself,and if that wasn't why he was trying to be all sweet and cute. Cause some of the things he says just sound like total pick up lines to me.


Anyway I think I will just distance my self from him at this point.



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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
cat


Marc Jacobs

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Okay, So things just keeping getting worse.
So I emailed R, and told him I didn't want to get involved with anyone right now and even though were only taking I felt it conflicted with my need for some time off from dating to clear my head.
He said that was fine and if I ever change my mind I should feel free to contact him.


So I was talking with my friend about R (her husband is R's friend) . I was telling her that I think I did the right thing but that I still felt a little bad about it.
So she says to me" you did the right thing especially with the huge age difference between you." I asked her "he is only in his mid 30 right?"


Turns out he is 45 years old (That is two years younger then my father.)
I mean age doesn't really matter to me, but that is just kind of wierd,and is if that wasn't bad enough. My friend goes on to inform me that he is divorced and has two grown daughters. The one is two years older then me and the other one is exactly my age.


So I am thinking I did the right thing.
But I still find my self strangely attracted to him though. What is wrong with me? Please talk me out of perusing him in the future.
I really shouldn't contact him in a few months right?



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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
NCshopper


Hermes

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RE: Is he really into me or is he full of s**t.**UPDATE**
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Oh.  My.  God. 


Okay, please do not associate with this person any more.  There are some things that sketch me out about this guy now.  1)  He knows your limits (that you don't want a relationship) and he's pretty much ignored them.  2)  He is old enough to be your father.  Not that age in and of itself is a bad thing, but combined with the fact that he's disregarded your feelings about not wanting to be in a relationship makes me think he's got some sort of predator thing going on. 


Generally speaking, guys do not go after girls that are young enough to be their daughters.  If they do (again, in most cases) it's because they're not mature enough to deal with someone their own age or it's because they're attempting a power play and want to exert some control over you because they're older.  NEITHER OF WHICH ARE GOOD!!! 


So I say cut off contact with him.  You don't owe him anything--any excuses, explanations, justifications...nothing.  I don't think you'd be posting about this if there wasn't some reason in the back of your head that was telling you to be cautious.  Please listen to your gut here.


I don't mean to be an alarmist about this and I certainly wouldn't want to scare you, but from what you've said, there are red flags popping up for me.



-- Edited by NCshopper at 21:58, 2006-03-04

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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I totally agree with NCShopper. Listen to your instincts -- they are almost always right.

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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I totally agree with Ncshopper too - good luck sweetie!

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