STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Emergency assistance needed! Update to the update....

zeitgeist4 · Gucci

RE: Emergency assistance needed!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

No, he was already here when he wanted to spoon - he wanted to stay and I wouldn't let him. The call tonight, he said he was about an hour away having a dinner with his frat chapter - it sounded like a big deal, and he said he would be going out when he got hom and asked if I would do something. From a friend, this would be fine, given the school's culture. From a guy who's interested, I'm suspiscious...

nicoley · Coach

So.. Im probably not the person to give advice on this situation, since I've sort of already gone through this exact same thing. Although, from my perspective, it seems like he's into you more than the guy I was getting played by. And I can totally relate of how you feel and wanting to see him etc.

I think so far you are playing your cards right and just sort of feeling him out... which is a good thing. And the only way you are going to know if he is playing you or not, is just to wait and see if he gives you a call tomorrow, at a normal time. If he is continually just calling you late at night, then from my experience, hes not really interested in anything else but hooking up.

Although, after just reading your second reply to this post, I personally probably would meet up with him tonight, if i liked him as much as you say you do, but again, like i said before im probably the worst person to be giving advice. The only reason i say id meet him is because he already had a commitment earlier in the night, and i think its cute that he wants to do something with you afterwards. My stupid player guy wouldn't ever call me until after he got home from the bars at 2 or 3, so the fact he wants you to go with him, i think its cool.

To me it seems like he's making an effort, but again... you probably dont want to take my advice since it hasn't gotten me very far, lol.

Liz · Kenneth Cole

Hmm . . . I think you did the right thing by a) Not letting him stay over and "spoon" all night, and b) Not letting him come over at 1am. I don't know if his intentions are good or not, but one thing I do know is that boys are kind of like puppies. You teach them how to behave. I think that if you're too lax with them in the beginning of a relationship, they begin to take you for granted. If you had let him call you late for a 1am rendevous, he might think that this is acceptable on a regular basis, and then you might get stuck in that "booty call" category, and no girl wants to be in that territory.

I think you should have fun, take it slow, and make him chase you for a while. Let him know you're interested, but that your world doesn't revolve around him. Hope it works out!

atlgirl · Gucci

I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it. He sounds like a player to me. Dizzy, you are smart and you have your head on straight, and I don't want to see you get hurt. I think that if you give him some leeway, you might regret it. The "let's just spoon" is crap. ANY guy wants more than that, and if you're in bed together already, they'll always assume they can get more.

And the 1 a.m. thing is bogus too, IMO. He can wait to see you during "normal" hours if he is really interested. Good for you for saying no to both of these suggestions.

And the texting "you're adorable" sounds like player behavior to me too...I'm sorry - I'm sure you *are* adorable, and very cute. Your posts here indicate a lot of intelligence, a quick wit and a compassionate heart. And I'm sure that the right guy will appreciate that. But the behavior you posted about this guy so far just sounds like he's working you. Let him DATE you - you know, dinner, movies, etc. - and court you if he really wants you. Don't cave too easily to his offering suggestions that are easy for him - let him spend some time showing you that he wants to be with you for more than sex.

I realize I could be totally wrong on this, but the behavior raises flags for me. I'll say what I said to nicoley - if you want (and can handle) just a sexual relationship, then go for it. But if you want more, let him chase you and dont' be readily available for everything. Then you can gauge how he really feels - if he's going to put in some effort to respect you and have a real relationship. So far he just seems like he's working all the angles.

Maat · Kenneth Cole

Dizzy, you definitely did the right thing by not spooning with him and not meeting up at 1 am. It sounds like he is into you and will call you to go out at a more reasonable time. I've learned (by experience, unfortunately) that once you meet up late night with a guy early in the relationship, you set the precedent for it happening all the time. His behavior does seem kind of playerish, but most players eventually change and devote themselves to one woman. You just need to make sure he treats you the way you want or else you don't talk to him anymore.

NCshopper · Hermes

nicoley013 wrote:

I think so far you are playing your cards right and just sort of feeling him out... which is a good thing. And the only way you are going to know if he is playing you or not, is just to wait and see if he gives you a call tomorrow, at a normal time. If he is continually just calling you late at night, then from my experience, hes not really interested in anything else but hooking up.

ITA. I think you're doing the right thing here so far. If he calls you today during daytime hours, then cool. If he doesn't, or if he calls you later in the evening, then he's a player. It sounds pretty simplistic, but I think it really is that simplistic.

Atlgirl has some good points too--his behavior up until now has been player-ish, so it's good that you see that possibility and you're not letting your crush on him get in the way of your usual good judgement.

I say just wait and see what happens today. If he calls, he calls. If he doesn't, he doesn't and you can move on to talking about apples and dental hygeine with someone else.

Kel · Coach

I agree with the rest of the girls. I agree with the statements that you have to teach the boy how to behave. You have to set the tone for the relationship. Make him respect you and make him treat you like a real relationship. I think you are playing your cards right. Like the others said make him take you out during the day. Don't fall into the trap.

Keep us posted!

kenzie · Chanel

"Can we spoon?" Holy hell? What a line! I'm not buying it. But I think that you are doing the right thing but not letting him stay and, ahem, 'spoon,' as well as not letting him come over at 1am. If he wants to see you, it doesn't need to be in the middle of the night for yet another 'spooning' session.

The only thing you can do at this point is wait and see if Spooner calls you during normal hours and also requests a date during normal hours (read, NOT 1am). That's not a date, that's a booty call.

Hang in there, girl. Heaven knows that this world is full of assholes. You're bound to find a good one sooner or later.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

RE: Emergency assistance needed! Update....

atlgirl · Gucci

Dizzy wrote:

I am doing SOOOO much better on the conversational topics. Really better... no apples, no dentists, not Oprah, but much better....

Yay! I'm glad he called at a normal time. And it sounds like you are doing *better* all the way around. Good for you...bide your time, don't change your schedule for him too much (good for you for still going to the gym when he called) and see if he's truly worth investing in. Stand strong, girl! Make us proud!

Eurodaisy · Dooney & Bourke

atlgirl wrote:

Yay! I'm glad he called at a normal time. And it sounds like you are doing *better* all the way around. Good for you...bide your time, don't change your schedule for him too much (good for you for still going to the gym when he called) and see if he's truly worth investing in. Stand strong, girl! Make us proud!

Me too! I think this is a good sign... let's see if you can make him act right for a little while.

NCshopper · Hermes

I definitely take it as a good sign that he called you today! Wooohooo!

poptart · Coach

Dizzy wrote:

He called as soon as he woke up, and he didn't end up going out last night. I was leaving for the gym when he called (because I didn't think he'd call) and so we ended up going out later - I called him when I got back. And y'all, I went downstairs to wait for him right on time, and he was in a store next door, killing time because he was early. So cute! We talked for a long time at lunch, he dropped me off at school because I need to study... and I guess we'll see if he can keep this up. I'm doing good, right? It's actually a good thing I have this crazy busy clinic thing goign right now (although you'd never know it from the way I keep posting at all hours) because I can't just hang out with him. Eeeekkk! Also, I am doing SOOOO much better on the conversational topics. Really better... no apples, no dentists, not Oprah, but much better....-- Edited by Dizzy at 17:26, 2006-02-19

You crack me up, girl.

Good for you, though - very proud of how you handled this. AND, sounds like it worked!

blubirde · Chanel

Hee! Dizzy, you're great.

I realize it's late to chime in but when has that ever stopped me?

I think you did the right thing by telling him to leave and all that jazz. I think you can't go wrong if you don't accept less than him WORKING to get you. (And I don't mean buying you flowers or stuff like that.) I mean getting him out of his comfort zone (bars, late nights, etc.). If he can do that, then go for it. Why not? Of course if he's not willing to make the effort, you'll know soon enough and I'm sure your feelings will be diminished by knowing he's just another ass.

I don't know if I'm rambling or if I made sense but I'm glad y'all went to lunch. Sounds promising.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

RE: Emergency assistance needed! Update to the update....

Hermes

Dizzy wrote:

Should I text and ask him to dinner tomorrow night?

no.

indifference when he's not right in front of you, and friendly interest and compliments when he is in front of you.

does that make sense?

I think you need to play the indifference card right now. you need to gage how much he wants to be with you. live your life - if he wants to be a part of it, he'll let you know.

blubirde · Chanel

detroit wrote:

Dizzy wrote: Should I text and ask him to dinner tomorrow night? no. indifference when he's not right in front of you, and friendly interest and compliments when he is in front of you. does that make sense? I think you need to play the indifference card right now. you need to gage how much he wants to be with you. live your life - if he wants to be a part of it, he'll let you know.

I have to agree, although, and this is important, I probably wouldn't follow my own good advice. But detroit's right. If you're unsure about his level of interest, let him do the asking out. If you're sure he's interested and it's progressing then I think you can definitely suggest something for y'all to do. Make sense?

rocky · Coach

Sounds like things are going well. I agree with the others, No, you are not playing too hard to get. And no, you should not ask him out to dinner, or let him stay over anytime soon. I think the only way to find out what he's looking for is to be patient and look for opportunities. Meanwhile, try not to think about him too much or invest to much of your feelings just in case. Good luck though and keep updating us.