STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Maat · Kenneth Cole

n/m

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

RE: It's official...I have cabin fever

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

Maat wrote:

Um...if I had a Valentine, why would I be hanging out with you?

lol! seriously, maat this cracked me UP! but anyway, don't worry about the cabin fever, it's not necessarily fatal and way common. and i don't necessarily think he's playing you but we just don't know what's up at this early stage you know?

oh and btw, i don't like text messages or emails either, i feel like the best way to get to know someone when dating them is plain old face to face hanging out, a default is the phone. imo, the reason people insist on communicating through an even more indirect medium is because they're being guarded and are probably insecure and want you to put in the effort of calling, setting up time to hang out, etc. so anyway, i'm glad you stopped texting. it's annoying and just slows down the entire process.

Maat · Kenneth Cole

esquiress wrote:

imo, the reason people insist on communicating through an even more indirect medium is because they're being guarded and are probably insecure and want you to put in the effort of calling, setting up time to hang out, etc. so anyway, i'm glad you stopped texting. it's annoying and just slows down the entire process.

It's just freakin' weird. Yesterday he told me to call him and I'm like, "fine, I'll call him. Maybe that will jumpstart us talking on the phone." Then, I call him at like 5pm and he is busy working on his car and says he will call me in an hour. And then he texted me in an hour instead of calling. I just didn't reply. I think I'll tell him I don't have text messaging anymore and didn't get the message. Then that will be the catalyst to either end this forever or for him to start calling. You know, lately, this has happened to me a lot with guys (never to this extreme extent though). I always think about cancelling that feature from my phone, but it is really so convenient if you need to quickly tell a friend something when you are at work or out or someplace where it might not always be appropriate to pick up the phone.

And if I didn't tell you yet, I loved your article. It was both entertaining and led to an epiphany for me.

-- Edited by Maat at 19:16, 2006-02-12

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

Maat wrote:

Yesterday he told me to call him and I'm like, "fine, I'll call him. Maybe that will jumpstart us talking on the phone."

ok, a very red flag just went up. maybe it's my experience back in college that's literally haunted me forever but don't EVER let a guy tell you to call him.  i'm sure he has a phone and knows how to use it.  anyway, this guy i "dated" (i use the term loosely) in college did this and while he was smoking hot (think abercrombie model), i still can't get over that whole "call me in an hour, babe" business. this kind of guy is literally putting no effort in and has no problem telling you to do all the work, which imo is a very player move.

Then, I call him at like 5pm and he is busy working on his car and says he will call me in an hour. And then he texted me in an hour instead of calling. I just didn't reply.

Good girl. seriously don't ever reply to another text from him and if he ever asks you to call him, say "that's ok, just call me when you get a chance." end of story.

I think I'll tell him I don't have text messaging anymore and didn't get the message. Then that will be the catalyst to either end this forever or for him to start calling.

Don't worry about explaining anything to him, if he asks, say "yeah, if you want to get a hold of me, it's really better to call. thanks."

You know, lately, this has happened to me a lot with guys (never to this extreme extent though).

I know, it's like they all took the same seminar or something. the guy i'm talking to now tried texting me but i just never responded so he finally took the hint and calls now.  but don't get excited, he didn't pass my dealbreaker test so i probably won't call him back.

And if I didn't tell you yet, I loved your article. It was both entertaining and led to an epiphany for me.

thank you so so much.  you seriously just made my day. i hope you like the next one, i'm pondering it as we speak, i think i'm going to call it "disclosing dealbreakers". so stay tuned!

Maat · Kenneth Cole

esquiress wrote:

Maat wrote: Yesterday he told me to call him and I'm like, "fine, I'll call him. Maybe that will jumpstart us talking on the phone." ok, a very red flag just went up. maybe it's my experience back in college that's literally haunted me forever but don't EVER let a guy tell you to call him. i'm sure he has a phone and knows how to use it. anyway, this guy i "dated" (i use the term loosely) in college did this and while he was smoking hot (think abercrombie model), i still can't get over that whole "call me in an hour, babe" business. this kind of guy is literally putting no effort in and has no problem telling you to do all the work, which imo is a very player move.

Sometimes I feel that's what dating has come to. Everyone wants to be the person that puts in the least effort. I see it in myself, too. Nobody ever just wants to call the person, say I like you and want to see you, and just show any kind of interest or feelings. Everyone has to pretend they don't care. It's like whoever cares the least (or acts like they care the least) wins. Text messaging just feeds into this whole situation. It's so easy to just text someone and be like, "what's up?" There's no fear of saying something stupid or acting too interested. The perfect tool for someone who is a player or someone that is insecure.

I'm looking forward to your next column. I have lots of dealbreakers if you want to interview me about them.

Ritz · Dooney & Bourke

Maat wrote:

Everyone wants to be the person that puts in the least effort. I see it in myself, too. Nobody ever just wants to call the person, say I like you and want to see you, and just show any kind of interest or feelings. Everyone has to pretend they don't care. It's like whoever cares the least (or acts like they care the least) wins.

I totally agree. i hate it- b/c really, when you do care, how do you hide it? i for sure don't know how to.

Mandy · Kate Spade

Maat wrote:

Sometimes I feel that's what dating has come to. Everyone wants to be the person that puts in the least effort. I see it in myself, too. Nobody ever just wants to call the person, say I like you and want to see you, and just show any kind of interest or feelings. Everyone has to pretend they don't care. It's like whoever cares the least (or acts like they care the least) wins. Text messaging just feeds into this whole situation. It's so easy to just text someone and be like, "what's up?" There's no fear of saying something stupid or acting too interested. The perfect tool for someone who is a player or someone that is insecure.

I totally agree and I hate this "trend". It takes the fun and excitement of liking someone new away if you can't act like you do.

On the texting thing, I have a guy friend that sends mass text messages to lots of people with messages like "what are you up to tonight" then he will see who responds and pick the best answer to follow up with. Its like a nice way to find out what everyone is doing without commiting to anything. I think its complete crap. My girlfriend and I only recently figured out he does this because we would both get the same text from him at the same time. Most people understandably think he is specifically talking to them.

Maat · Kenneth Cole

RE: n/m

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

esquiress wrote:

i hope you like the next one, i'm pondering it as we speak, i think i'm going to call it "disclosing dealbreakers". so stay tuned!

Ok, I am ANXIOUSLY awaiting this one... I'm so sick of the "Babe don't get too into me..." routine from guys who I WAS NOT INTO that I can barely stand it anymore. You have to help me id this type faster...

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

oh i'm glad you are kicking him to the curb girl especially after that pm. maybe you should move down here and I'll find you a cute texan