STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

e_doli · Dooney & Bourke

girlfriend, wife, partner? what do i call myself?

Hermes

well, getting married would be the easiest... it would also take care of beneficiary and next of kin issues if need be... you don't even have to change your name and you can do it for $50 at the courthouse - if you're going to be together anyway, why not make it legal? it is a little more than just a piece of paper when it comes to assets and death. yeah - I know - real romantic, aren't I?

my mother has been in a relationship for 20 years - and I never know how to refer to her SO - and "significant other" is so long winded... I've referred to him as her "partner" but I always get that confused reaction because most people translate that as a homosexual partner - so I always have to clarify that it's her boyfriend but it seems odd to call him her boyfriend because they have been together 20 years...

I was at a luncheon on Sunday and a woman sitting next to me told me about a guy she used to date in college having my same undergrad degree, and then later, when discussing how my husband is cranky after he returns from Asia (jet lag) she empathized that her "partner" is that way too... during the rest of the event I was wondering if she was a lesbian, even though she said she dated a guy in college - not that it mattered either way, it was just that it made me question her sexual preference...

personally, I would say boyfriend, even though it's not fitting for the circumstances. how about boyband? or husfriend? you could be his "gife"

when you figure it out, let me know and I'll start using the same reference for my Mom... sorry I couldn't be of more help.

-- Edited by detroit at 09:28, 2006-02-03

-- Edited by detroit at 09:32, 2006-02-03

NCshopper · Hermes

I agree that just getting married would be the easiest. I mean, since you're committed to each other and all, it just seems like it would make the most sense. But, that's your own decision. If I were in your boat, I'd just call him a fiance. Fiance signifies a higher level of commitment than boyfriend, and people won't wonder if your "partner" is a man or a woman. However, you'll probably be plagued with pesky wedding questions, but you could just stop all that conversation by just saying something along the lines of "we don't have a date set yet" or something.

small fry · Chanel

I agree with NCShopper fiance is a good one. I have a friend who is in the same situation and they refer to each other as fiance, although they have told others they are husband and wife

Elle · Hermes

FH and I actually are getting married rather shortly, but we've lived together for almost 4 years. I've had to call places on his behalf coutless times, and when I do that I always say he's my husband. Otherwise, they truly do not take you seriously.

We use Spouse if we're filling out forms and stuff, but that word sounds a little heavy in common conversation .

Hermes

Elle wrote:

We use Spouse if we're filling out forms and stuff, but that word sounds a little heavy in common conversation .

Spouse still means "married person"

spouse

2 entries found for spouse.
To select an entry, click on it. spouse[1,noun]spouse[2,transitive verb] Main Entry: 1spouse
Pronunciation: 'spaus also 'spauz
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old French espous (masculine) & espouse (feminine), from Latin sponsus betrothed man, groom & sponsa betrothed woman, bride, both from sponsus, past participle of spondEre to promise, betroth; akin to Greek spendein to pour a libation, Hittite sipant-
: married person : HUSBAND, WIFE
- spou·sal /'spau-z&l, -s&l/ adjective

let's look at the thesaurus...

One entry found for boyfriend.

Entry Word: boyfriend
Function: noun
Text: a male romantic companion <her boyfriend always brings her flowers for Valentine's Day>
Synonyms beau, fellow, man, swain
Related Words admirer, crush, steady; gallant, suitor, wooer; beloved, darling, dear, favorite, flame, honey, love, lover, sweet, sweetheart, valentine; date, escort; groom, husband; fiancé, intended

One entry found for girlfriend.

Entry Word: girlfriend
Function: noun
Text: a woman with whom one is in love <he proposed to his girlfriend of seven years>
Synonyms gal, girl, ladylove
Related Words mistress; beloved, darling, dear, favorite, flame, honey, love, lover, sweet, sweetheart, valentine

-- Edited by detroit at 10:58, 2006-02-03

bex · Chanel

i use fiance when calling for paperwork/bills. it gives me more clout. BF doesn't understand why... idiot

maybe thats cause he doesn't do any of the calling!!!!

Elle · Hermes

Main Entry:
spouse

Part of Speech:
noun

Definition:
helpmate

Synonyms:
apron, better half, breadwinner, bride, companion, consort, front office, groom, headache, headquarters, helpmate, husband, little woman, main man, man, mat, mate, old lady, old man, old saw, partner, roommate, slave driver, squaw, wife

Bwahahahaha! Consort? Headache? Slave driver? Squaw? Bwahahahaha !

Hermes

Elle wrote:

Main Entry: spouse Part of Speech: noun Definition: helpmate Synonyms: apron, better half, breadwinner, bride, companion, consort, front office, groom, headache, headquarters, helpmate, husband, little woman, main man, man, mat, mate, old lady, old man, old saw, partner, roommate, slave driver, squaw, wife Bwahahahaha! Consort? Headache? Slave driver? Squaw? Bwahahahaha !

so here it says that spouse means "helpmate" not husband or wife - so that may be a good alternative...

I like "old lady" and "old man" --- it's just so... sofistercated...

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

how about "manpanion"? a man who's your companion. but no one will know what that means.

Hermione · Kate Spade

detroit wrote:

I like "old lady" and "old man" --- it's just so... sofistercated...

bwahahaha. yes, i can't wait till the day when i tell people about "my old man!"

blink · Coach

girlfriend! there's nothing high school about it. add live-in if you want people to realize you aren't new to this. or girlfriend of X years if you are feeling long winded. But you can't have partner, unless you don't mind a puzzled look, it looks like the gay community scooped up that one and they deserve it since there really isn't a lot of options for definition.

sorry I don't know of any better terms, there really should be a better label for the place in between girlfriend and wife though!

bumblebee · Coach

i have a friend in the same situation as detroit's mom (they have been together for like 20 years) and she uses "boyfriend," unless it is some salesperson or someone she doesn't know and doesn't want to explain to, and then she just says "husband" because it's easier.

gruiz · Kenneth Cole

How about beauhunk?

Elle · Hermes

gruiz wrote:

How about beauhunk?

I vote for Manslave .

Liz · Kenneth Cole

The term "lover" always makes me giggle in a silly schoolgirl kinda way. Can you imagine introducing someone in polite company," Oh, and have you met my lover, Jim?"

I have been in a relationship with my live-in bf for four and half years, plus we have a child together. We have no plans on getting married anytime soon. When people ask me what my status is, I say I have a boyfriend. The only thing is people automatically assume that he is not my daughter's father. When I correct them, they kind of look uncomfortable.

I know being an unwed mom is still a little taboo, even though there are millions of us out there. My lifestyle doesn't bother me and I'm in no rush to get married just to make people feel more comfortable around me.

I suppose you just have to do what ultimately feels right for you and be prepared for the extra questions if you decide marriage isn't it.

Metric · Gucci

e doli -we are in the exact same situation. I also think people do not take boyfriend seriously. And partner is a little awkward also. I've discovered sometimes saying husband women (its always women) start asking about your wedding and dress and flowers and blah blah blah. So that gets weird also.

Getting married so that you can say "husband"? That is mildy offensive to me.

Sorry I don't have an answer for you, sugar, but maybe take comfort in the fact that you aren't alone in this situation?

Elle · Hermes

I totally dare someone to introduce their SO as their lover. I wonder what people would do?

bumblebee · Coach

and you have to pronounce it lo-vaaahhh.

shopgirl82 · Chanel

bumblebee wrote:

and you have to pronounce it lo-vaaahhh.

totally, like the SNL skit with will ferrell as that professor.

i agree with the other girls, when you figure out, let me know too. i've been with my bf for 4 + years, we live together (we do plan on getting married, but no talk of it yet), and i still feel juvenile when i say my boyfriend. i even say it booooooooyfriend around him.

anyone know when it becomes common law marriage. my parents best friends are married by common law (they never had a ceremony) but they've been together probably 20 + years.