STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

ViViDogWear · Kate Spade

Back to Dating after 6 yrs

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Oh sweetie - I was in this exact same situation last year! You'll be fine, you'll be surprised how much fun it can be! And if you're ever unsure of something, you can always run it past the stylethread babes!

good luck getting the boy off your couch!

deadlyjane · BCBG

I am pretty sure that the primary person that pays the rent can kick the other person off the lease you just have to get him to sign the papre work. he seems like he is dragging you down. It's awsome that you signed up for maathc.com though, i've always wanted to try it. Sorry i'm not very helpfull but good luck! you'll find the one!

laken1 · Hermes

I think go, have fun, don't feel guilty. Do you know exactly WHEN he gets his check? Is it possible he'll get it & not tell you? I had a guy that I dated & broke up with & he was dragging his feet, he kept a lot of stuff at my apartment - eventually it came to me telling him that I was having the locks changed & 3 days & if his stuff wasn't out of my apt, he'd never see it again. I don't mean to be ugly, but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do for you. Maybe it hasn't come to that yet, but just giving you a heads up.

I think it's great that you joined match.com & it's admirable that you are being up front with anyone you go out with. Really, what more can you do.

You are going to have a ball - I can't wait to hear the dating stories!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I think Laken makes a good point -- I wouldn't be surprised if your ex was dragging things out and staying longer even if he does get the student loan check. I've been in the same situation, including the suicide watch part, and I know my ex took advantage of my worrying about him to make me stay with him longer. Can your ex go stay with friends? I think you'd be completely within your rights to tell him "you have this many days to get out" and then stick with it. It's not good for either of you to be sharing the apartment, and the sooner he moves out, the sooner both of you can move on.

As for the dating -- good for you! If you do get the urge for some "alone time," can you go to the date's place instead?

ViViDogWear · Kate Spade

laken1 wrote:

I think go, have fun, don't feel guilty. Do you know exactly WHEN he gets his check? Is it possible he'll get it & not tell you? I had a guy that I dated & broke up with & he was dragging his feet, he kept a lot of stuff at my apartment - eventually it came to me telling him that I was having the locks changed & 3 days & if his stuff wasn't out of my apt, he'd never see it again. I don't mean to be ugly, but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do for you. Maybe it hasn't come to that yet, but just giving you a heads up. I think it's great that you joined match.com & it's admirable that you are being up front with anyone you go out with. Really, what more can you do. You are going to have a ball - I can't wait to hear the dating stories!

I have thought of that, but I have been asking him every week (or nagging him to move out). I check the mail mostly so I will have to keep an eye out for it. Thanks!

ViViDogWear · Kate Spade

scarlett wrote:

I think Laken makes a good point -- I wouldn't be surprised if your ex was dragging things out and staying longer even if he does get the student loan check. I've been in the same situation, including the suicide watch part, and I know my ex took advantage of my worrying about him to make me stay with him longer. Can your ex go stay with friends? I think you'd be completely within your rights to tell him "you have this many days to get out" and then stick with it. It's not good for either of you to be sharing the apartment, and the sooner he moves out, the sooner both of you can move on. As for the dating -- good for you! If you do get the urge for some "alone time," can you go to the date's place instead?

HI Scarlett,

Thanks for the advice, I completely agree it's not good for either of us. We'll see about the alone time. I'm still kinda scared of the thought but that's probably what I'd end up having to do if needed. Thanks!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Good luck!

I may sound a little over-dramatic over the stuff with your ex -- that's just my past experience talking, so just take from it what you will -- but I am happy for you that you're moving on and going on to find something better.

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

Yay for getting out there and getting on Match!! After my 4-year relationship ended up I had a long dry period, and Match was how I got back into the swing of things. I never found anyone I really clicked with on there, but I had fun, and I got over that initial hump. I wish you much luck!

As for the ex-boyfriend situation, the only advice I had is go over to the guy's place. I'm sure that they understand it would be uncomfortable at your place. Don't feel guilty thinking that your ex is at home. I mean, he's your ex, therefore finito and has no further claim on your time or attention (or guilt). I know I used to feel guilty when I first started dating again, because my ex lived nearby, and I was pretty much his only friend in the area. But not feeling that oblication to him anymore was all part of moving on.

Again, I wish you luck, and go out there and have fun!