STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Shello · Kenneth Cole

Breakup Advice

nicoley · Coach

I went through this exact same situation with my ex 2 years ago.. We broke up over xmas break and then we both had the spring semester left and then we graduated. At the time we lived together, and we tried to go on living together while broken up... Needless to say that didn't last long, before he moved out to live with his friends.. To make a long story short, If you are going to break up, I think its best to cut off ties as much as possible. It totally sucks, and its really hard to do that, but its the only way to get over him and move on. Me and my ex continued to talk and all it did was drag out me being upset and sad like you are now. Oh, and he was my first love as well, and my hardest break up ever. But im sure the recovery time for each person is different, but i remember feeling the way you are feeling now... its horrible and so so so hard, I wish I was there to give you a hug :) In all honesty, It did take a really really long time for me to start feel better and sort of move on with things, but even after a few years, everything still reminds me of him, and i still think about him alot, and wonder what it would be like if we were still together, But I have moved on, and things do get better, even though it doesnt seem like it right now. I always tried to think that, things really do happen for a reason, and in my experience, although the breakup was hard, it truely did make me a stronger person, and allowed me to grow and help me figure out who I am and what type of person I want to spend my life with.

I think it is great that you are having a party for new years... The best thing to do is Keep Busy, start getting really involved in getting your party together... Staying busy totally keeps your mind off things, I did the same thing, sitting at home and crying, and although its easy to do that, it won't make you feel better... So go plan that party and have fun for new years!

I hope that helps... I totally sympathize with you and am here if you need anything, as I know how hard it can be

jacL · Coach

I agree with nicoley013. You should cut off all ties with him at least until you have completely moved on. You won't be able to move on if you don't. You should also keep busy and surround yourself with friends so you won't have much of an opportunity to be sad.

((((((HUGS))))))

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

How to get over it? I wish I knew. My ex was an ass, and I still spent all this year missing him. I think the key is, though, to do somethign that feels good to you, like kickboxing or yoga or needlepoint or whatever, every day. To make yourself enjoy yourself, until it isn't so hard anymore. And to find a friend and spill your guts over and over and over and over until it starts to feel real. And to know that it really does get better. Your life changes faster than you think. Good luck honey. You're really going to be ok. You've already made a better life for yourself than the one you had when you were with him. That's huge, and something you can be proud of.

Bastet · Kate Spade

I went through something similar when I was in college. I broke up w/ my bf of over a year; he was my first love, etc., and it killed me to do it. But it was one of those things that just needed to happen. Having friends around helped me get over him, because they kept me busy and didn't let me sit in my dorm room and mope, which is what I wanted to do. I also avoided my ex for a long time because it drove me nuts when I ran into him. I didn't go to his frat's parties and I even went so far as to change the routes I walked to class so I wouldn't run into him. Not seeing him helped me get over him. You should avoid seeing him if you can, at least for a while. You need time away from him to get through the process of getting over him. It doesn't happen overnight, but it will definitely go faster if you don't spend time with him.

Also, I don't know if this applies to you or not, but don't read his old emails, and delete him from your IM programs if you use them. That way you won't be tempted to IM him or make yourself sad by going through old emails.