STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

lilyann · Dooney & Bourke

your mother/daughter relationship

nicoley · Coach

This is a great post.. I was actually thinking of starting one myself... especially after this weekend of shopping with her. We are completely opposite, and well to say the least we don't have alot of patience for eachother. Although I feel like I am doing well for myself at age 23 single and in pharmacy school, and feel like I am a really great person, she always has something negative to say and feels like she is always comparing me to her friends daughters, one who is in med school and is getting married in july. It usually does get especially tense around the holidays with everyone home and then the added stress especially crowds in malls etc.. Last year arond this time we got in a really really big fight, it was really bad, probably the worst ever. But Id really like to have a good relationship with my mom, but it just seems like, she is who she is, and thats not going to change, but its some of her qualities that are so opposite of me that, causes us to conflict so much. I know this probably sounds mean, but in all honesty, she seems really self absorbed, and hasn't really been a true mother figure per se, to me or my brother, and I guess thats what bothers me, she always seems to put herself before anyone in the family. But theres nothing I or anyone else can do to change that. I just try to make the best of the situation and try to get along as best as I can, and there is a lot of tonuge biting :)

zeitgeist4 · Gucci

I have a great relationship with my mom. She is my best friend.

wicked · Coach

I haven't talked to my mom in three years. She is the most selfish, critical and negative person I've ever known. She makes me sick.

blink · Coach

my mom and I have a good relationship, although she is way too permissive and laid back with my siblings (and used to be with me, so I still struggle with personal discipline), and she always seems to take the weirdest perspective, but she is a good person and we get along fine. I feel lucky.

member · Hermes

I consider myself lucky - my mom is one of my best friends. I can pretty much tell her anything. She never butts in. The only complaint I have is that sometimes she's too overprotective/worrys about me too much - but she's getting better. If that's my only compliant, I consider myself lucky.

asf · Kate Spade

my mother died four years ago, when i was 23. we had a great relationship at the time, but we'd had our issues in the past. she was a wonderful person, very supportive and loved me endlessly. she also was kind of bitter and bitchy, and those traits have definitely been passed on to me.

i miss her a lot, but mostly when i think about the things i'll do that she won't be there for - having babies, a wedding (if i ever get married, i don't think i will - no desire to, which is also her fault), seeing how my career turns out...

sorry to be a downer. and i don't want to lecture, but your mother is your mother - even if she is a pain in the ass, she'll forever be a part of you. try to accept it and the fact that she is who she is, and was long before you were in the picture. you can't change her, so just try to love her.

i'm not looking for sympathy, but i just want all of you with living mothers - estranged or not - to realize how lucky you are!

jj · Kate Spade

asf wrote:

you can't change her, so just try to love her.

So true! I'm lucky that I have a really good relationship with my mom. Sure, she gets on my nerves sometimes and can be a total goof, but her only wish for me is happiness. It is such a magical thing. It makes me WANT to spend time with her instead of dreading it. I already talked to her this morning, and now I'll probably call her again! I her.

Elle · Hermes

asf wrote:

and i don't want to lecture, but your mother is your mother - even if she is a pain in the ass, she'll forever be a part of you. try to accept it and the fact that she is who she is, and was long before you were in the picture. you can't change her, so just try to love her.

I think this is a really good sentiment asf, and it's why I hadn't posted to this thread yet actually.

My mom and I definitely have our differences - sometimes her and my Dad make silly decisions, usually financial, and it really bugs me. And I also feel like she doesn't have my best interest in mind sometimes, but her own selfish wants instead. She's been none to subtle about hiding her animosity for FH these days either, which I totally resent - she's ticked at him for 'making her baby girl move away' so she barely speaks to him when he answers the phone, has not yet sent him a single Christmas present of his own (whereas I've received 15 from them so far), and blatantly said she wanted me to fly home alone so she could see me for Christmas, nevermind the $350 plane ticket and the fact that it would leave FH in Denver all by himself for Christmas.

But, sigh, she's my mom. I can't not love my mom.

NCshopper · Hermes

Oh moms!

My mom is great. I love her so much and she's truly one of my best friends and I know she's one of my biggest fans and I'm one of hers too. That being said, we can drive each other crazy though. I think it's an inherent part of the mother/daughter relationship.

There are definitely activities that we can and cannot do together, for whatever reason. Like we can do yardwork, garden, cook, and shop together, but if you put a sewing machine in front of us and give us a project, we'll yell and bicker and someone will end up in tears. So the sewing machine is off limits when she comes over.

In the big scheme of things, that stuff is so minor. I'm SO insanely lucky to have a mom that's supportive, loving, and just basically a great friend. She and my dad gave me such a great upbringing and there's no way I can thank either of them enough.

-- Edited by NCshopper at 21:54, 2005-12-27

Metric · Gucci

Oh, Moms! indeed.

My mom and I are close but she does drive me crazy. She is so dramatic, overprotective and completely controlling. And everything is drama drama drama! You can't tell her anything without it being a huge issue. And every issue creates tears. She has a very difficult time coming to terms with the fact that I am an "adult" b/c she still wants me to be her baby, so she tries to baby me constantly.

Since we just moved she wants to do everything at our house which is really annoying. She'll come over and start trying to fold laundry or poking around in our boxes we haven't unpacked yet. And Christmas has been a complete disaster- we wanted a quiet mellow Christmas in our new house - so what did my mother do? She invites a dozen family members over for dinner! Fabulous! The most nit-picky thing she does though, is every time she comes over she cleans the old hair out of my hairbrush. It drives me to distraction! Just leave my damn hairbrush alone!

But what can you do? She's my mom so just accept her and love her like she is.

-- Edited by BrazenCanadian at 13:53, 2005-12-24

Cortney1982 · Chanel

My mom is fabulous! She is fun and caring. I like her much more since I moved out though! She is a bit nosy and gossips too much.

bex · Chanel

i

my mom. we have a good relationship. we don't talk about everything but we talk about the important things. she is very supportive and a good listener.

kenzie · Chanel

My mom is great!! We are so close and I trust her so much, that I'm letting her set me up with her co-worker's son! She and I are best friends, but I have to say living with her at the moment is a challenge and I can't wait to get my own place in the spring.

jen · Kate Spade

I don't really like my mom. She is selfish and very much a 'score-keeper.'

Andrea Julia · Coach

n/m

-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 00:16, 2006-01-29

Maddie · Coach

My mom is crazy, irrational, and tactless. I think she's the sort of person who is popular because they're fun, but also a huge bitch. We get along ok though.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I totally know what your'e talking about with the Harpee vibe. I would cut off my right arm for my mom - she's gorgeous, charming, everyone she meets loves her right away. But she had a rough life, and she's not a good person. I understand that a lot of her problems are just reactions to the things she went through. But I can't keep her in my life because she'll just keep hurting me.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 03:49, 2005-12-22

small fry · Chanel

Well I always have been close to my Mom but Iam more now than I have been in the past. I love her, she is my best friend, she is fun and silly just like me.

lilyann · Dooney & Bourke

Dizzy Wrote:
I totally know what your'e talking about with the Harpee vibe. I would cut off my right arm for my mom - she's gorgeous, charming, everyone she meets loves her right away. But she had a rough life, and she's not a good person. I understand that a lot of her problems are just reactions to the things she went through. But I can't keep her in my life because she'll just keep hurting me.
I know all too well this feeling of not being able to have her in your life because she causes you too much pain. My mother has said to me so many times " Amy, you may be a better person than me, but with that attitude you will get nothing in life". At first when she would say this I would think" What a horrible person you are". But now that Ive gotten older I try to find a reason I was given this mother- My lesson was this- When I was younger I was painfully shy, insecure, passive... I had this mother who would railroad everyone, demand the world revolve around her, and cared little the pain she would cause anyone by the things she would say. I learned that you had to look people in the eye, you wouldnt get anything in this life if you didnt ask for it, and your needs are just as important as anyone elses. In time she has become more understanding, more aware of how her words hurt, and that others have needs just like her. Not a drastic change, but better...Try to find some redeemable quality in her, extreme as it may be , that you have become a better person by- it may show how this mother was given to you for a reason. Try this, I know how hard it is though, but you really do need this mother...