STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

 Hi ladies.  First, I want to say to all the ladies that responded, my heart does go out to all of you that have suffered, now and in the past.  it is wrong to be abused, whatever the reason.  This is a subject close to me and gets me on a soap box at times.  You might be thinking, a man talking like this, but yes, i was also abused physically and mentally as a kid up to when i was 17.  Lots of people know somewhat what happened, but not alot of people, and not everything.  I think my wife and faithful style threader, kay kay, for showing me this forum.  After reading it, i felt the past come back a little and that is when she had the idea to bring up the topic of men that were abused.

so many people used to comment to me, I would have committed ssuicide if all that happened to you would have happened to me.  My abuse was intense at times, and it ended up making me a very cold and quiet person.  I just accepted it as having to be since it came from one of the people you should have trusted most in your life, my adoptive mother.  there were the useual wippings and beatings and all, I went to school with bruises on my back from being hit with a an old flyswatter, the one that had screen mess like ur window screen.  hit with cutting boards, I remember I laughed a couple of times because I broke the cutting boards when she hit me.  Being hit with fist, in face or wherever, kicked, grabbed by hair and drug down hallway and then down stairwell.  This is just a sample of things that went on for about 9 years, starting when I was in 3rd grade up until a started my senior year.  Now this happened back in the early 70's, so abuse wasnt looked at the same as it is know. 

Well, I survived and I am scared at times that I will be like this sometimes.  You hear it all the time, abuser was abused himself as child.  I Will Not accept that attige.  I Love my wife and stepson and when I have to correct my son or have to raise my voice to him at times I am very concious of what I am doing.  Its hard to live with the fact you have been abused in the past, no matter who you are.  For all the ladies who have opened up in this forum You are not alone,  Let it out, dont keep it bottled up inside.  It will destroy you if you dont get it out.  Maybe you can have some more hubbies and boyfriends comment here that have been through this.  It is not degrading to admit it, just destructive to hold it in.

Thank you again to my wife for showing me this and for loving me and being there, by my side.

Oh.  My.  God.  Those stories are heartbreaking and I'm crying like a baby. You ladies are so strong and brave.  Never be ashamed to share your stories.  The men are the weak ones, not you.

My story is not nearly as extreme, but I had a time earlier this year when I got scared and almost broke off my engagement and moved home to STL, b/c I didn't like some of my fiance's behavior, and my friends and family convinced me that he is verbally abusive and controlling.  

He's 4 years younger and much more immature.  He was always staring at other women, to the point where he'd completely ignore me.  I told him that was NOT acceptable, and he kept doing it...  And I have horrible PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder), which he had a hard time understanding, and used to say "You're not tired.  You're faking it." 

I went to my friends/family for support, and they told me his behavior was verbal abuse and could later become physical.  They convinced me to leave.  It was really confusing for me.  I can see how people look for signs of abuse and don't want it to go any further. 

I talked to him about it, and I cried, and he cried, and it was just emotionally exhausting.  He convinced me that he didn't know he was doing those things and will stop.  He was shocked that people close to me thought he was abusive.

My fiance needed a woman to show him how it's done, b/c he didn't have any sisters or other girlfriends teach him how not to be sexist.  Anyway, we're fine and I'm not mad at anyone for putting those thoughts in my head - they are just trying to protect me - but those are scary thoughts!