STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

fashionista L · Coach

Dilemna... I am Really Confused!!

member · Hermes

First of all, do you think Matt is acting distant and pushing you away because he's moving? Maybe he is trying to get you to break up w/him? If that's the case, then I think you should..you don't need the stress and confusion and feeling hurt when he blows you off. Just move on, especially when you met a new guy who sounds really promising. As for feeling guility - are you and Matt exclusive? Did you ever agree not to see other people?

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I agree with shopchicago. I don't know why he's blowing you off, but I do know this: when a guy starts breaking plans, just stay away from him. You deserve better. I'm really sorry. I know how this one feels. Trust me. Been there.

But wow, look at you! Found a butterfly-inducing guy already! Love that! Personally, I would call Matt and say something like "You seem really busy. I know this is a hectic time for you. I just wanted to say good luck with the move and I'd love to catch up with you if you're ever back in town..." then get off the phone. The subtext would be "I'm not going to call you or contact you again, ever, dumbass, although you seem like a good person and I wish you the best." Overall, though, he doesn't need to know why you don't want to call him anymore.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 14:23, 2005-11-26

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

ok, i may be totally off-base so if i am please just disregard this entire message but...i'm worried you're moving from one guy to the next and moving too fast with each one. it wasn't too long ago that you broke up with a seemingly abusive boyfriend. i remember at one point, we were all really concerned about your safety. then came matt, seemingly mr. wonderful but at the time (to me, at least) it seemed like you fell fast and hard for someone you barely knew. now again with this hot guy jason. fashionista, i'm worried that you may be addicted to the rush/drama and as much as you hate it, you gravitate toward it because it's what you know. again, i could be completely off, but in case i'm not, you may want to think about just chilling and being with yourself for a while. figure out your wants, your needs, your goals, instead of reacting to whatever guy drama is going on at that moment.

as for matt--guys often withdraw when they don't want to deal. he's probably dealing with some pretty heavy emotions with regard to the move and has to say goodbye to a lot of people and may feel that he doesn't want to give priority to a girl he's only known less than a month. if that's the case, whatever, he's moving anyway so i suggest you just let things naturally fade away. if he wants to call, let him call, if/when he does you guys may even share a really emotional good-bye but let him be the one to initiate. if he does or if he doesn't, either way, you have your answer. some people would advise that you need to have sometime of conversation for the sake of closure, but i disagree. i think closure comes from within, and the only person that can give it to you is you.

fashionista L · Coach

Esquiress, I definitely think you are right about Matt. I fell really hard and fast for him, the first guy I was attracted to after my ex. I jumped into things way too quick, basically the heat of the moment. I do feel as though I could use some time off from tge dating scene too. I know I am going to let things peter out with Matt, as far as Jason goes, I'm afraid that I will let a good thing pass me by if I don't do someyhing about it. I know I am not going to alow myself to get in too deep too quick. That would be a mistake.

NCshopper · Hermes

I'm with the other girls on this one too.

I think that Matt's blowing you off because he isn't planning on staying with you once he moves, and he's being a wuss about it because he doesn't want to have the "let's see other people" talk. I hate to say it, but I think that's what's going on.

And I think esquiress is right too that you might need to take some time for yourself. It seems to me that you tend to be head-over-heels for a guy pretty quickly, and some time by yourself might help you figure out if you're really falling for the guy, or you just love the emotion of finding someone new. I'm not saying that's a slam on you at all, but I think that it's really easy to get caught up in the feeling of finding someone new and mistaking it for being in love with that person. It's happened to me and I think it's happened to all of my friends at one time or another.

lynnie · Chanel

i think you should break up with matt def, but in a kinda casual way as said, like hey, wish you the best. in all honesty- unless i had met "the one", i probably wouldn't stay in a long distance relationship with someone i had known a month. just be rational and kinda cut contacts- he's the one thats being an ass.

as far as the other guy- pursue it if theres something there. just do it slowly and casually. why not? if you end up needing space later, he will understand (hopefully) and you'll either find you need some time w/o boys, or that he's the right guy for you. i think its great that you're dumping guys as soon as they become asses!! it saves SO much pain later.

blubirde · Chanel

How does esquiress always give such indepth and rational advice? Amazing.

As for Matt, screw him. He's treating you badly and you don't need that. It's probably because he's moving away and he's trying to ease out of y'all's relationship but that move lacks dignity and respect.

Regarding Jason, I think esquiress is right. Why rush into things so quickly? You can see him, of course, but make some time for yourself and your friends. Maybe hang out with him once in a weekend. And take it slow. If it is the wonderful thing you wonder it might be, then it will be wonderful if you see him every day or if you see him one day. If it's not so great, you'll know it soon enough by taking it slowly.

Keep us posted and good luck!