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Post Info TOPIC: My ex is stalking me!*update*
cat


Marc Jacobs

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Date:
My ex is stalking me!*update*
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some of you might remember my ex who wanted me to get back with him this summer.I told him no and he said that was cool.Well then he went and got a job at the school I go too.Well every thing was ok for a few monthes then within the past month he has started parking his car next to mine.showing up out side my class and last Monday walk past me so close that he allmost nocked into me.I talked with campus securityand they siad since he has not made a verbal threat they can't do anything about it.They treated me like I was crazy.


It's not only at school that he is stalking me he keeps driving past my house at 4:00 am every morning.He is driving past my mom and dads house.An now he got his job at starbuks transfered to the one near where I live.I have reson to think he is drinking again.I am becoming more frightend by him every day.


What do I do? My roommate siad she didn't think there was much I could do.She siad she dosn't think I have enough reson to call the cops on him.Since he hasn't called me or siad anthing when he walks near me and is outside my classes.Have any of you ever delt with somthing like this?What did you do?What can I do?I am in Ohio are any of you familer(sp?) with Ohio stalking laws?I am trying to research them in my free time,but any advice is welcome.I just don't know what to do and I'm afriad things are going to get worse and would like to stop it before any thing really bad happens.Tia.


(sorry about spelling,no spell check.)



-- Edited by cat at 21:22, 2005-11-20

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Hermes

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RE: My ex is stalking me!
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you need to get a restraining order. contact your police department and find out what you need to do to file one.

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Hermes

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detroit wrote:

you need to get a restraining order. contact your police department and find out what you need to do to file one.

I agree.  I think you need to talk to the police.  I'm not sure if you can get a restraining order since he hasn't been violent toward you, but I'm not sure what the laws in Ohio are.  They might let you get one.  The fact of the matter is that this guy is scaring you, and I think you have reason to be scared.  His behavior is absolutely not normal.


There are a few things I think you need to do. 


1)  At the very least, I think you can file a police report, and I think you should.  The police need to know about all of these incidents so that in the event that his behavior does become violent, all of this stuff is already well documented. 


2)  Get a journal or something and write down EVERY encounter with him.  Write down the dates and times he drives past your house, bumps into you in the hallways, etc.


3)  Take a self defense class.  Your school probably offers them.  I took one in college and it was so empowering.


4)  Talk to your friends and let them know about your situation.  Enlist them to help you.  This doesn't mean that your friends should go up to him or talk to him at all.  Just have them walk you to your car, etc, etc.


5)  Cut off ALL contact with him and don't give him any sort of reaction when he does this.  Don't go to the Starbucks he works at.  See if you can find a different place to park your car. 


6)  Do your homework on the guy.  You can usually search criminal records online and you can find out sexual offenders online as well.  I doubt you did this while you were dating him (no fault there--I doubt most girls do that), but it wouldn't hurt to see if he has any criminal background. 


What really makes me nervous about this situation is that I'm seeing a pattern of behavior here.  First he gets a job at your school.  Weird.  Then he starts parking his car next to yours.  Even weirder. Then he knocks into you in the hallways.  He's clearly testing the waters and seeing what he can get away with.  The fact that he bumps into you is him testing to see if he can get away with physical contact, and it scares me to think where that is going and what he'll try to get away with next. 


I don't want to scare you, but I think you need to be very careful.  Please stay safe and check in with us to let us know you're okay.



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Hermione


Kate Spade

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yes, get a restraining order right away.  also either write a certified letter or make a phone call to this guy to tell him that any further contact with you will be considered harassment and you will call the police.  do this whether or not you are able to get the restraining order.  if he contacts you afterwards, you can call the police and they will act on it.


if you can't get a restraining order, ask to file a police report.  you want to have as much as you can in writing and on record. 


be careful about leaving and going back to your house late at night, i don't want to scare you but you should tkae as many precautions as possible.  try not to be any place that he could easily corner you alone.


chances are once you and the police contact him he will give it up, if not you can take more legal actions and kick this guy out of your life.


you may also want to speak with the manager of whatever department he's in at your school as well as the manager of your local starbucks.


i have been through this before girl ... kindof still am, but it's ok.


keep us informed and we're here if you need to talk


 


((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))



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Gucci

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I'm sorry Cat, that's really scary.  Tried to do some research, maybe you could call these people up if you have questions.  They might be able to help some.


http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_Ohio556


Please try to stay safe.



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blubirde


Chanel

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I would definitely call the police. Try to talk with someone in the sexual assault department (if they have one) because you probably have a better chance of finding a sympathetic ear.


If that isn't successful, I'd contact a local women's shelter and see what resources they have. They'd definitely know the laws on stalkers in your area.


And I'd do what all the girls said. Tell everyone you know what's going on so that people can do something immediately if need be (hope that never comes up though). Keep good notes and be on your guard. This guy is up to no good, for sure.


Keep us updated!



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gingembre1


Kate Spade

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While you're researching the stalking laws, here are some suggestions for staying safe in the meantime:


1.  Get a pepper spray/mace that goes on your key chain.  Until you get that, always walk with your keys in hand, with the keys through your fingers, and make a fist.  If you need to defend yourself, punching someone with your keys will do a lot more damage.


2.  Always walk accompanied - try not to go anywhere alone.  And tell EVERYONE you know what is going on.  Then they will all know to keep an eye out for him, and to notice anything strange.


3.  Always park as close to wherever you're going as possible, and in a well lit area.


4.  Take a self-defense class.


5.  Change your routes that you drive, walk to class, everything.  Change it up pretty frequently.


 


That's all I can think of for now.  Be safe!  Stalking is extremely frightening, and it makes you feel so powerless.



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cat


Marc Jacobs

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Thank you all for your advice and concern. I'm going to take your advice and call the police.Things are starting to get out of hand.


I have been trying to keep safe.I park in a diffrent lot each day and at the end of the day I wait for my friend Bryan (the guy who sometimesa sleeps on my couch) and I walk to his car with him and if i couldn't get a parking spot bye him he drives me to my car.Or if he slept on my couch the night before I just get a ride with him.As of this morning I let all my friends know what has been going on.I let my Dad know whats been going on,so on Saterday morning when i have a class and Bryan is working my dad is drives me in and wiats for me. since there is no campus security on Saterdays,which I think is very unsafe and stupid.Last year I took a self defense course,but I'm thinking it might not hurt enroll in one now.


anyway it means so much to that i have all of you for advice and support.


Thanks.



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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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There is great, great advice here already. What I will add is I was stalked by an ex boyfriend while I was in college in OH too, so I have a similar experience to yours. You already sound like you're doing the right things. I strongly urge you to keep trusting your gut feelings -- if you are afraid of him, you must have a reason to be. It makes me angry on your behalf that campus security treated you like you were crazy! You are smart to have told all your friends and it sounds like good people are looking out for you. One thing that helped me when I went through this was that I documented everything my ex did -- every phone call, email, incident of personal contact or conversation, etc., so when I did finally speak with the dean of students and eventually a lawyer, I had lots of information to back up my claims. Also, calling the police is the right thing to do. I had to do that myself, and what I learned was, if you've told someone to leave you alone and they refuse, that is automatically considered harassment.

Good luck and stay safe! Hugs

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cat


Marc Jacobs

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Date:
RE: My ex is stalking me!*update*
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So last week I called the cops on my ex. they took my complaint, filled the report and said they would talk with him and tell him I want him to leave me alone.
So far the rest of this week I have not seen him at all. He has not driven past my or my parents house. He has not parked near my car either. Of course I'm still being cautious.
So keep your fingers crossed that he will continue to leave me alone.



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laken1


Hermes

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Good for you cat! stay safe.

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Gucci

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I very much hope he leaves you alone. Good for you for taking some action!

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Hermes

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Good for you for calling the cops on him!  I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that he continues his good behavior.

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