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ineedhelp


Nine West

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i don't know what to do... UPDATED
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UPDATE...
So last night my friend (Katie) and I were talking to her older sister (Sarah). Kyle told Sarah that the reason he was passed out on the floor that night was not because of being drunk with a concussion... it was because he took some pills with his beer. It seems like there's always 15 stories to every event when it comes to Kyle. He doesn't share his life with us, which is totally fine, but it's like... don't lie about it, you know? His story now is that he takes lots of pills. His friend has a myspace page, and Kyle commented something on it about their drunk driving all the time. We're really, really worried now. Katie says there's nothing we can do, that it's up to their parents. Sarah says we have to take action. I agree with you all, in that there's only so much anyone can do for him. I used to think that he needed something horrible to happen to make him see the error of his ways (and as awful as it sounds, I wished something would). Well, their aunt died of alcoholism, and their uncle (not her husband) died of a drug overdose. You'd think he'd not want to end up like that, right? Also, there have been several fatal accidents involving drinking and driving with kids in our area, but none that has phased Kyle.


He is part of the popular crowd, and while I think his friends are good friends to him, I don't think they're the friends a kid should have. We try to do everything we can with him. Katie has always said that he needs a cute girl who he'd rather spend time with than drink with his buddies. Thing is... he could probably have any girl he wanted, but he doesn't want a girlfriend. I just want to take him home with me and watch him every second of the day. I'm about ready to tell his parents everything I know that he's been doing, and see what happens... I'm just afraid that they won't do anything. Besides, whatever happens is not my decision.


Thanks for all the help, everyone, I appreciate it. Any other suggestions or feedback? Please   


 (Sorry for all the edits)


 


Hey everyone... I need some help with something, and I don't know who else to ask. It's not something I want to announce to the whole world, so I made a new name to "disguise" myself (I frequent the forums, and my user name is pretty obvious as to who I am... if you're dying to know (I know I would be) PM me and I'll let you know)


Ok, where to start... my friend's brother, we'll call him Kyle, is 17 and a senior in high school. Supposedly, he drinks a lot. I mean, drinking every weekend getting drunk and passing out. He's been doing this for a while, like since the beginning of his junior year. Back when I was in HS, the whole drinking-to-get-drunk thing was a phase that lasted a quarter, maybe a semester. Maybe I'm out of the loop. Last year Kyle told my friend and me that he had been trying some drugs of sorts (like snorting prescriptions)... when we later confronted him about it, he denied it. We concluded that he was trying to impress us when he said he'd been snorting, and that was the end of that. After that, he started bragging about how much beer he could put away in one night, and things like that, and we didn't think anything of it. We just kind of smiled and nodded, but thought he was exaggerating.


Fast-forward to this year... Kyle is going out every weekend, often sleeping out. He comes home every once and a while drunk... he's been picked up by the police on more than one occassion, and he even got "kicked off" his sports team for being an "alcoholic"... but really, he got benched for one game for slacking during practice (the alcoholic thing was something he made up... I'm sort of close with the coach, and I asked him what happened and he said it was slacking). At his last game (yesterday) he got a concussion and then went out last night. His mom found him on the bathroom floor at 1:30am passed out. He was really drunk, I guess. His mom (who is also my friend's mom, don't forget) just woke him up, yelled at him, put him to bed, and went back to sleep. My friend checked on Kyle every 15-20 minutes (I mean, concussion + alcohol + sleep... bad, right?) until morning, and he was fine.


Today, Kyle didn't even get in trouble. If my friend or her older sister had ever come home drunk, they'd be punished for months. It's like they gave up, or they just don't care. We've told them about Kyle's stories, we've told them about Kyle's friends (who drink and drive with Kyle in the car), we've told them countless stories about Kyle's behavior... they don't do anything about it. I know kids party and experiment, and we don't want to get him in trouble... but, we feel like we have to. I love Kyle like he's my own brother, and I'm really scared that something will happen to him. He thinks he's Superman and nothing bad will ever happen to him, but I know that not everyone is so lucky. We've tried talking to him, yelling at him, sharing experiences with him... he just shrugs off whatever we say to him. We don't know what to do. His parents will not discipline him (not that that's what he needs), and we certainly can't tell him what to do... so what can we do?


I've only given you guys the tip of the iceberg here, just to keep this from getting too length-y. If it doesn't seem like Kyle's behavior is abnormal from that of other teens... I assure you that it is. I was his age once (not too long ago) and I know what kids do. He goes way beyond what other kids do. Please help me and my friend save Kyle... ANY AND ALL suggestions are welcome!



-- Edited by ineedhelp at 22:53, 2005-11-10

-- Edited by ineedhelp at 23:06, 2005-11-10

-- Edited by ineedhelp at 23:08, 2005-11-10

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tara t


Marc Jacobs

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RE: i don't know what to do...
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this is a bad situation.  i bet his parents have either given up or don't want to face that this is happening.  i have seen something like this happen.  i'm concerned that kyle may be one of those people who has to learn the hard way; like him or one of his reckless friends getting seriously hurt or thrown in jail. 


i don't have much advice, but just keep up trying to help him out.  it can't hurt. i'm sorry you have to deal with this, and it really shows what a caring individual you are.



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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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It sort of sounds like Kyle wants attention from his parents, but probably anyone will do. It might be hard, but I would just try to spend as much time as possible doing more positive things with him. And compliment him a lot when he's not drunk. If he feels better, he won't need this behavior.

Of course, if he's already an alcoholic (he might have been kicked off for this, the coach might not have wanted to tell another student the truth) he might need intervention. But try not to get into a pissing match with him. It sort of feeds into the addictive cycle (I'm not an expert, just an observation). Instead of "Kyle, don't drink." It's usually more effective to be like "Kyle, I think you're cool and my friend thought you were so cute when you entertained her/ meaning while you were still sober enough to stand up straight..."

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lynnie


Chanel

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it sounds like he's running around with the wrong crowd- i knew way too many people like this in hs.  Is he friends with the "popular" crowd, or people that are sort of badasses?  Are any of his friends concerned or do they just partake in similar behavior?  maybe if you can get him to hang out with a new group of people every once in a while, or introduce him to a cute girl, he'll start to change his ways.  I know everyone in hs thinks they are invincible- its a really hard mentality to change- you kinda do have to just grow out of it or have your eyes opened by something terrible.  This group of "bad boys" that i know lost 2 friends of theirs to drug overdoses while drinking.  Its terrible.  As for drinking and driving, maybe show all of their friends that girl who was hit by a drunk driver and is now disfigured completely- i can't even look at pics of hers, it gives me nightmares.  Maybe you can work to raise awareness among his friends or help them provide sober rides home?    

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Maddie


Coach

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From my experience with drinking and drug abuse, I think there's really very little you can do as much as that sucks. My guess is that's what Kyle's parents are thinking in addition to probably having given up on the situation. At a certain point it just seems like, why even punish him? I think it's probably too late to do any good. If they grounded him or something, he'd most likely just go out anyway. Maybe stricter rules at the beginning might have helped, but also maybe not. I've seen it work both ways. However, at this point I think coming down hard on him would only push him away.

I would guess that for some reason or another Kyle is really unhappy, and is hanging out with a crowd that offers him this method of dealing with it. The only way this behavior will change is if he wants it to. All you can do is create an environment that's condusive to him being sober and not acting out (other ladies offered good suggestions). Maybe getting him to a therapist could help too. Ultimately I really feel like I've seen time and time again that no matter what he is the only force in control of his sobriety. My friends' parents have reacted in all different ways to their substace abuse and bad behavior and I can't think of anything that worked other than ultimately a change in the person.

The one exception to that is when one of my friends' dad threw him in a car in the middle of the night, drove him to Utah (where you can have your child comitted without their consent), put him in rehab, moved from Seattle to Anchorage during the period of time my friend was in rehab and they now live in Alaska. Anyway, there's a lot more to that story, but I'm guessing the family isn't going to take that sort of drastic measure and that kid was pretty bad off.

Anyway, I'm really sorry that your friend is going through this. I know how hard it is to watch people close to you self destruct. Try to remain supportive and don't get mad. That's something that's really challenging for me, but getting mad will only push them away, not change them and it's better he has someone positive like you in his life.

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theotherjess


Chanel

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I agree that there's only so much you can do.  As a hs student, I also agree that that is not typical behavior (at that extent).  If you live nearby, I think lynnie had a good idea of offering safe rides for him.  If you are pretty close to him, maybe you could talk to him as a peer, as someone older but not too out of touch, you know?  There's the big chance that he will blow you off, but it's worth a shot, especially if you can get through to him.

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ineedhelp


Nine West

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RE: i don't know what to do... UPDATED
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Sorry to be a pain, but I just wanted to bump this because I updated (see original post). Thanks for all the help. Anything else anyone can share? I feel so desperate.

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Tati


Chanel

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i get so mad when i hear people drive drunk! yes they can hurt/kill themselves but what about the other innocent people driving around and he hits them? gets me angry i tell you! tell his parents and hopefully they can help in some way. and if you know hes out drinking and driving, call the cops on his ass!



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Karina


Chanel

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Honestly, I would call the cops, but I don't know if you want to get involved like that.

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Tati


Chanel

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Karina wrote:

Honestly, I would call the cops, but I don't know if you want to get involved like that.
i believe the cops dont have to mention her name. i feel bad for the guy, he obviously is having issues but im more afraid for those innocent people out there. ive heard too many sad storied involving drinking and driving....

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DC Shopper


Dooney & Bourke

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From what you've said, it sounds like Kyle has issues that are causing him to self-destruct - he might benefit a lot from speaking with a therapist.  I am certainly no expert but it sounds like his problems go beyond the normal teenage stuff - he might be showing signs of depression and be self-medicating with alcohol and drugs.  His "boasting" about his drinking to you guys might be his way of asking for help and attention.  I think you should definitely try to help him out - he is too young to able to sort this out himself.  His alcoholism is causing a lot of problems - getting kicked off the team for either drinking or for slacking off in practice - which also sounds like a byproduct of drinking or depression (the not caring about stuff you used to enjoy).  The drinking and driving is a major problem.  If he gets caught or if he hurts himself, one of his friends, or an innocent bystander, his problems are going to get even worse.  Try sitting down with him sometime just to talk about life - don't bring up the partying, but just listen to what he says - he probably just needs someone to talk to.  Invite him to events with you and your friend that don't involve drinking.  Maybe try to introduce him to cool kids who stay out of trouble - peers have so much influence in HS.  I don't mean to sound all alarmist, but I share your concern for Kyle and while he's not your responsibility, I think you are so sweet for worrying about him.  His parents sure aren't, so he's lucky to have you and his sis around.  Good luck.



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shopgirl


Kenneth Cole

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I am being totally serious when I suggest getting him the James Frey book, "A Million Little Pieces." It's about a alcoholic who finally goes to rehab and cleans up his life. The author had been drinking since he 12 or 13, then moved on to much harder stuff.


Good luck,


deborah


http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0307276902/qid=1131898647/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-5661801-1911133?v=glance&s=books&n=507846


 



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