STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Andrea Julia · Coach

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fashionista L · Coach

RE: I feel horrible

janey831 · Kate Spade

All my friends think I am. They all have that story of how when they (or a friend of theirs) first met their boyfriend or husband, they weren't interested, but it grew and now they are soooooo happy. My one friend's husband even said "at your age, you have to stop being so picky." He was joking, but it still makes me wonder if he's right. Maybe at some point, you just have to lower your standards and just go with the guy who will treat you well. I don't know.

this is exactly how i feel.

calichic · Dooney & Bourke

Agreed, you shouldn't have to lower your standards. If you do, then you may regret it and that is a horrible feeling. I think that you are doing the right thing going with your feelings and not dating him for the sake of dating someone. I don't really know how you feel about him, but if you feel kind of "ick" about him and the relationship, why would you purposefully put yourself in a situation you are not happy with? It just doesn't make sense. Maybe you just need the time not talking to him to really figure out what it is you want to do in the situation.

NCshopper · Hermes

Oh hon, don't feel horrible. You gave the guy a shot and you never felt it, right? So, you did the best you could. And you shouldn't date someone because you feel obligated to or out of pity, so I think you're doing the right thing. And you were honest with him as well, so I think you should be pleased with yourself about that.

I don't think you should ever lower your standards. Even if you're old and gray. Wouldn't you rather be the crazy woman with all the cats than the woman who's been driven insane by marrying some guy she didn't really love? Don't settle--you'll end up resentful and unhappy--hold out for the right one. VA Beach guy doesn't sound like he was the right one and you shouldn't feel bad about it.

gypsyfreak · Coach

I agree that you should never ever settle with someone, you'll only end up being unhappy in the end. It IS possible to grow to like someone, at least that's what happened to me with my ex, but that rarely happens. You shouldn't have to lower your standards, especially if you're not interested in him. I'd rather be single and happy, rather than be miserable with someone.

Andrea Julia · Coach

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-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 01:19, 2006-01-29

Andrea Julia · Coach

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-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 01:19, 2006-01-29

calichic · Dooney & Bourke

Sorry that I wasn't more up to speed on the situation.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for not wanting to talk to him ever again in any shape or form. Maybe you should tell him, if you haven't already, that you just don't feel anything towards him, even though of course this would spark up more convo. It would give him closure and (hopefully) prevent him from contacting you ever again. However, if he continues to contact you in the same fashion that he has been, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If there are no other serious reprecussions, like mutual friends, why not just be a bitch to him? He will probably just write you off and never WANT to talk to you again.

Oh and as for not wanting to kiss someone for fear of feeling sick, hey, that is totally normal. Maybe I am just speaking for myself, but there are guys that I have kissed who I would rather die a slow, agonizing death before ever consider kissing again.

Ehh, like someone has said, you gave it a shot and it didn't work out. You shouldn't feel bad for not liking him, your personalities or something else, just didn't mesh and that is that.

And I think that every girl thinks about her *dream guy*. Don't let the hope die, bc if you do, then you WILL be settling. Echoing gypsyfreak, wouldn't you rather be happy and single than stuck in a relationship that is less than ideal?

I know that this post has been all over the place and I apologize if it doesn't make sense. I also apologize if I have given unwanted advice, I just want you to be happy.

Andrea Julia · Coach

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-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 01:19, 2006-01-29

poptart · Coach

Andrea Julia wrote:

Thanks everyone for making me feel like less of a jerk for not talking to this guy. I always feel bad when I have to blow off someone who is nice and my friends never seem to support me when I do this. They always take the side of the guy. I love this board so much because the girls here seem to understand me more than my friends.

I'm sorry this is happening! But, I don't think you should feel badly about being honest. What you have done is much, much kinder (to him and yourself) than allowing him to get attached and then having to break it off later, or than compromising your standards and ending up living the rest of your life unsatisfied. You did the right thing!