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Post Info TOPIC: Hi, I am ico and I like to make a mess out of my love life...
Kelly


Hermes

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RE: Hi, I am ico and I like to make a mess out of my love life...
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I'm a little confused - are you and Mr. Cake Eater non-exclusive? From your first post I got the impression that you actually are exclusive (not dating anyone but each other), but you just agreed early on that this relationship wasn't going to be an until-death-do-us-part thing.

Either way, from what I've read about E and P, I think you should cut things off with P and take the date with E. I know you said you are madly in love with P but I think right now is time to give yourself a little tough love. If he has told you over and over that he is not going to give you the kind of commitment that you want, then I think this relationship has run its course. You had fun, you developed feelings and spent time together, but it seems to me that now is the point where you do have to make a decision - 1) Stay in a relationship that you know is a dead end and won't give you what you actually want, when it comes down to it or 2) Get out of this relationship that you already know is going nowhere (and that is actually keeping you from going after anyone and anything else that could make you happier) and open yourself up to be free for something that is actually what you want. We don't know if E is "the one" but even if you go on one date and feel nothing, well now you are still free from P and have nothing holding you back from developing a more satisfying and long-lasting relationship with someone else out there.

I hope I don't sound too harsh. It's just - I can't say I've read anything you've written that shows any reason why you should stay with P.

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Fashion is art you live your life in. - Devil Wears Prada | formerly ttara123
ico


Dooney & Bourke

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Well, I guess the saga ended since P texed me (he didn't even call) that he thinks he is just a burden for me right now, and he should let me go.
I didn't even have a chance to tell him about my date with E. He just developped this whole conclusion by himself.

I replied if that's what he wants, I won't insist and won't ask him anything else.

It is really sad and I keep sobbing from time to time. But I cannot force anyone into a relationship. It's just such a waste...

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pollyjean23


Marc Jacobs

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He seems to do a lot of thinking- -not only for himself- -but for others, too. He put himself into this position. I am sorry that you are dealing with this painful situation, and I hope that you can experience more and better enjoyment with the new guy (or whoever else you might meet in the future).



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atlgirl


Gucci

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Oh, waaaaah! To him, not to you, Ico. I am sorry he's hurt you like this, but saying he's "being a burden to you" is a manipulative, controlling way to handle things. That's not treating you with respect. I think it's kind of dick-ish behavior. He's not allowing you to have an adult, face-to-face interaction with him and based on your other posts, this seems like a consistent behavior on his part. I know your heart is sad right now. But it sounds like there are other men waiting in the wings (though you may not be ready for them) who might be better able to give you the love and respect you deserve. *hugs*


-- Edited by atlgirl on Friday 19th of August 2011 06:55:31 AM

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D


Hermes

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atlgirl wrote:

Oh, waaaaah! To him, not to you, Ico. I am sorry he's hurt you like this, but saying he's "being a burden to you" is a manipulative, controlling way to handle things. That's not treating you with respect. I think it's kind of dick-ish behavior. He's not allowing you to have an adult, face-to-face interaction with him and based on your other posts, this seems like a consistent behavior on his part. I know your heart is sad right now. But it sounds like there are other men waiting in the wings (though you may not be ready for them) who might be better able to give you the love and respect you deserve. *hugs*


-- Edited by atlgirl on Friday 19th of August 2011 06:55:31 AM

 well said and I totally agree!



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Boots


Gucci

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D wrote:
atlgirl wrote:

Oh, waaaaah! To him, not to you, Ico. I am sorry he's hurt you like this, but saying he's "being a burden to you" is a manipulative, controlling way to handle things. That's not treating you with respect. I think it's kind of dick-ish behavior. He's not allowing you to have an adult, face-to-face interaction with him and based on your other posts, this seems like a consistent behavior on his part. I know your heart is sad right now. But it sounds like there are other men waiting in the wings (though you may not be ready for them) who might be better able to give you the love and respect you deserve. *hugs*


-- Edited by atlgirl on Friday 19th of August 2011 06:55:31 AM

 well said and I totally agree!

 YES!  Perfectly said.

 

You deserve somebody who respects you and your relationship enough not to say his good bye by text.  It was a cowardly way out. 

I'm sorry that you're sad, but remember, that just means that you were mature enough to put your heart and emotions into this relationship.  Hopefully the next guy (whoever that may be) will appreciate all that you have to offer.

<<<hugs!!!!>>>



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greendiamond


Marc Jacobs

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Boots & atlgirl wrote:

You deserve somebody who respects you and your relationship enough not to say his good bye by text.  It was a cowardly way out. 

I am sorry he's hurt you like this, but saying he's "being a burden to you" is a manipulative, controlling way to handle things. That's not treating you with respect. I think it's kind of dick-ish behavior.

^^Totally agree

Most times a relationship ends, it is a bummer in one way or another. I am sorry you are hurt and sad. But, better things await. Have fun on your date with E, and enjoy being part of the dating scene again.



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NCshopper


Hermes

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Honestly, he sounds like a total basket case. It sucks that he "let you go" via text, but I totally agree with atlgirl--what he said was a totally manipulative thing to say. I hate that you're heartbroken right now, but you do deserve better.

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XtinaStyles


Marc Jacobs

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IMO this E thing has brought out a ton of feelings that scare P and he is too stubborn to re-evaluate the original agreement that you guys had. His "letting you go" via text was not a breakup but a cry for attention. You were supposed to reply "no no boo boo you are no burden i love you and miss you and of course I don't find E attractive."

Good luck with E, I think you're making the right move.

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ico


Dooney & Bourke

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Well, I really hoped I could put an end to all this.
But last night he kept texting me, the point being - it took me a second to fall into the arms of another guy. I have no idea what films he is making in his head, but I guess he was awake doing it.

At some point he mentioned telling E about us (P and I). Which I would prefer not for two reasons.
First, why does he need to know, and if I felt it was fair to tell him I'd prefer to do it.
Second, we are talking about 3 people who work in the same place. This would just make things more akward. Plus, my colleagues love a good gossip, and I don't want to be the subject of their chats!

I really think Xtinastyles is right: he wanted me to beg him to stay with me!

I don't know what P wants from me. He can't be with me, but he doesn't want me to be free and with someone else, if I want.

May be I should just stop replying to him altogether, but after one year together I think it would be ugly...

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Suasoria


Chanel

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Over a year and you get a text breakup???

I am sorry you're feeling bad about it right now, and a year is a long time to love someone. I say goodbye and good luck to him. He has problems you cannot fix.

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XtinaStyles


Marc Jacobs

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I really think texting is not the venue to talk about any relationship. Next time he texts, say lets meet for coffee and discuss. If he refuses, don't text back. A one year relationship deserves adult discussion, not back-and-forth neediness and threats.

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Boots


Gucci

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XtinaStyles wrote:

I really think texting is not the venue to talk about any relationship. Next time he texts, say lets meet for coffee and discuss. If he refuses, don't text back. A one year relationship deserves adult discussion, not back-and-forth neediness and threats.

 Second.  You deserve a face to face meeting so you can at the very least figure out how to handle your working relationship now.  He's an adult and can handle it.  "Tattling" to a fellow co-worker about yoiur relationship is just childish.  If he refuses a face to face or turns it into a "poor me" session, well you at least know what kind of bullet you just dogded, right?



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ico


Dooney & Bourke

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Yes, I'd like to meet him once he is back, but he keeps texting me that he hopes to see me as less as possible at work, and yesterday he sent me another text saying that he doesn't want to see me next week at work and he whishes this last week of vacation (for him) lasts forever. I find this extremely childish

I don't even know what to tell him - I don't know if it's worth trying to talk and explain to him: now he is so convinced of his ideas that nothing could change them! I really would like to have some kind of conversation, I think it's fair after more than one year!

As for E - he is surprisingly sweeter than I had expected. We had some long chats, and he is really a nice guy.



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D


Hermes

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Maybe you should write P a letter. This way you can say everything you want to say without him accusing you of lying or interrupting.  He needs to wake up and realize this is what he wanted all along. He also needs to know he blew up something way out of context.  I would also state in the letter that you want to move forward as mature adults and maintain a cordial and professional relationship.  

At this point, I wouldn't respond to his texts. 

As for E, he's sounding better and better, and very interested in you (which you deserve!)



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kenzie


Chanel

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atlgirl wrote:

Oh, waaaaah! To him, not to you, Ico. I am sorry he's hurt you like this, but saying he's "being a burden to you" is a manipulative, controlling way to handle things. That's not treating you with respect. I think it's kind of dick-ish behavior. He's not allowing you to have an adult, face-to-face interaction with him and based on your other posts, this seems like a consistent behavior on his part. I know your heart is sad right now. But it sounds like there are other men waiting in the wings (though you may not be ready for them) who might be better able to give you the love and respect you deserve. *hugs*


-- Edited by atlgirl on Friday 19th of August 2011 06:55:31 AM

 This. All of it. 

And LOL at "Mr. Cake Eater."



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