Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry to hear this. I hadn't seen this post until now. I knew something was up (could tell by your absence of FB posts) but was not sure what exactly. I don't have anything new to add but I understand to some extent what you are going through. This is a bit hokey but I'll write it anyway in hopes that is comforts you a bit - your post reminds me of a particular song that has resonated with me a lot lately, the chorus of which is:
"You are more than the choices that you've made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create. You've been remade."
I'm going through a tough time right now too (though I admit my troubles are not as traumatic as many), and I'm trying to take it one day at a time. Please reach out if you need anything at all. I'll be praying for you and J. Keep your chin up. You can do this.
Oh, goodness! I'm sorry to hear about your rough three years and the flooding, too. My area just got hit really badly by Tropical Storm Lee. Flooding is a scary thing, that's for sure.
Anyway, I do hope that you start to lose the feelings of shame and embarrassment. We've all done things we regret and then had to figure out way out of them. And by no means are you a bad mother! Hang in there. Sending good thoughts your way.
Message if you need anything. I don't live all that far from you.
I am so sorry you have been having to deal with this. You have been such a rock for me even through all your drama. I know you will persevere! I will keep you and J-bug in my thoughts and prayers.