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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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RE: Do you get along with your mother?
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I stopped talking to my mom about four years ago, when I realized that I would always be hurt by her. I didn't realize how often this actually happens, but Irene's right. Sometimes you have to let a parent go.


PS - Bluebirde, I think I said once that we have the same mom. I take it back. Yours sounds like a person who does love you underneath it all.


PS 2 - I read "White Oleander" last week and freaked out at the similarities. Although my mom never killed anyone. At least she never got caught... (kidding. I think).



-- Edited by Dizzy at 16:51, 2005-10-19

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laken1


Hermes

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Dizzy wrote:

PS 2 - I read "White Oleander" last week and freaked out at the similarities. Although my mom never killed anyone. At least she never got caught... (kidding. I think). -- Edited by Dizzy at 16:51, 2005-10-19


OMG - that is one of my favorite books but if it's your mom that really really sucks. No wonder you don't talk to her. I really didn't know such moms existed - maybe I should take back all the mean things I said about mine

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luckylily


Gucci

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I get along w/ my Mom okay, but only because I've pretty much given up on every having a "real" conversation with her.  She knows nothing about me.  She doesn't know what motivates me, why I do the things I do, or why I believe the things I believe. 


I'm sure she is proud of me and I KNOW she loves me like nobody's business, but her words would indicate otherwise.  She only ever says negative things.  She raised me to be independant, but now that I am she disagrees with everything I do.


I hate it.  I hate having a completely fake relationship with her.  However, her life revolves around my sister and I and it would break her heart if she knew how I felt. 


This is a kind of difficult thing for me to talk about, but one of the reasons I don't want to have kids is that I can't stand the idea of someone feeling about me the way I feel about my Mom.


 



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sage


Dooney & Bourke

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luckylily wrote:
I get along w/ my Mom okay, but only because I've pretty much given up on every having a "real" conversation with her.  She knows nothing about me.  She doesn't know what motivates me, why I do the things I do, or why I believe the things I believe. 
I'm sure she is proud of me and I KNOW she loves me like nobody's business, but her words would indicate otherwise.  She only ever says negative things.  She raised me to be independant, but now that I am she disagrees with everything I do.
I hate it.  I hate having a completely fake relationship with her.  However, her life revolves around my sister and I and it would break her heart if she knew how I felt. 
This is a kind of difficult thing for me to talk about, but one of the reasons I don't want to have kids is that I can't stand the idea of someone feeling about me the way I feel about my Mom.
 



Some of what you have said really hits home with me!! My mom doesn't disagree with what I do but she things I am the exact same person I was when I was a kid living at home, and therefore I:

-don't make my bed
-I watch television all the time
-I don't know how to cook
I could go on but you get the idea. It is like she stopped having any interest in me as a person when I was 12. I am now obsessed with making my bed and will risk missing the bus to make it, we don't even have cable, and I can cook really well, we just choose to eat out fairly often. Plus it is like she is re-writing history. Every time I have a personal success she says "Oh, you always did well at every thing you tried. You are so smart......" Whaaaaa? I don't recall any positive words of encouragement when I was a kid. I remember telling her I wanted to be an RCMP officer in grade 5 and she said "You? You couldn't make it through basic training!" Seriously. Way to foster and motivate, ma!! Oh, wow, this is like therapy, whooo!
I don't hold any of that against her, when I was a kid I don't think parent was an action word. You were a parent, but you didn't parent. So all that positive reinforcement and stuff was supposed to come from somewhere else, I guess........

I know my mom loves me and I love her but sometimes thinking about her breaks my heart. The negative stuff bothers me too. I recently quit smoking(8 weeks ago) and she called last week and said "Did you start smoking yet?" and she didn't mean it that way but that is the way it came out and I got angry. But then she can be so sweet and she says I am her favorite, and she is proud of me....
Why does it have to be so complicated sometimes?? I get what you are saying luckylily about not having children. Really. I get it.

-- Edited by sage at 20:47, 2005-10-19

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