STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Ok, here's the assumption underlying the assumption - I dont' think lying is bad, or that good people don't lie.

I just don't see it as bad. It's the way people are. Perpetuating a fiction of shared/imposed values is the price you pay to be part of any given society. I don't personally care much about the company's bottom line. but I'm willing to pretend that what I want will help that bottom line because that's the value that is upheld by the group that I'm trying to stay in. But close relationships are great because they are DIFFERENT. There you can be yourself. Outside of those enclaves, you have to compromise to varying degrees. It's understood, of course, that if the fiction is too far from who you really are, then you shouldn't be part of the group. (So if I can't at least hope the company has a good year so that the people I like won't get laid off, then I need to go).

Does that make sense or do I need major therapy? Probably at least some (more) therapy couldn't hurt...

NylaBelle wrote:

---

nunzi182 wrote:
 That being said, I don't think you have to contribute a lot to the site in order to put in your opinion when an opinion was being asked for. It's very possible boop reads threads daily without responding and knows of various peoples' situations well. I think that a lot of people come to this site to impart their opinions without fear of 'getting yelled at' for doing so.

Right, but this post wasn't about fashion or entertainment where it's easy to pipe up and no one really cares.  This was about an ongoing situation and most people who read, but don't normally respond, say that in their first response to a post like this.  It was just the manner in which the post was presented was offensive to me b/c it seemed a bit brash. It came out of nowhere, with no preface or advice.
Honestly, I wasn't asking opinions about whether or not they were going to hire me, so the post itself was irrelavent.  It seemed like an attack b/c of that.  I stand by my opinion.

---

I was just interjecting MY opinion in that she probably meant no harm being that other people were in fact giving their opinion whether you asked for it or not. I actually found her opinion to be a little insightful into the whole situation because it was view that hadn't yet been voiced. I'm sure if she had been been talking to you face to face she would seemed genuinely concerned in your situation most of the women here are polite and very nice people.

NylaBelle wrote:

---

nunzi182 wrote:
 I was just interjecting MY opinion in that she probably meant no harm being that other people were in fact giving their opinion whether you asked for it or not. I actually found her opinion to be a little insightful into the whole situation because it was view that hadn't yet been voiced. I'm sure if she had been been talking to you face to face she would seemed genuinely concerned in your situation most of the women here are polite and very nice people.

I understand your point, but again, the manner in which it was written and the fact that I have very little contact with her (and thus, haven't built up a repoire so that I understand where she's coming from) makes it difficult to decipher the meaning.
For example, Karina has said some things in response to some of my posts regarding the bf that one *could* take offense to but I didn't b/c we have been posting here for a while and I understand how to read her posts.  She says what she's thinking and that's fine and I understand that.  (Sorry to use you as an example, Karina ).
It was almost as if a stranger came up to me and said that and that's why it's jarring.  Someone who posts and responds to my posts in particular has built up that repoire and that makes it less offensive.  I'm sure she probably meant well, but I don't really *know* her so the way it came across was fuzzy. 

---

If you don't want to hear what *everyone* has to say then maybe you should start PMing the people whose opinions you do want, IMO. Just a thought, because people may not post about something for fear of having someone take it the wrong way.

I'm not upset at all, but it seems that you get offended too easily and that you take your frustrations out on unsuspecting people.

NylaBelle wrote:

---

boop wrote:




I see your fairly new, so I won't bite your head off completely about this, but if you would read up into the post farther, you would see that this most likely isn't the case.  And honestly, even though, my boss is my boss, I have less contact with him than I do with other people (and those other people have told me that they have gone to him to tell him that I'm doing a good job). 
ETA:  I also wasn't asking for a judgement. I was asking for an opinion regarding the situation.  Your response has me a little fired up since you seem to have just popped in here and spoken up about something you know very little about.-- Edited by NylaBelle at 16:37, 2005-10-11

---

Honestly Nylabelle if that's the way you feel then say it. As for Karina's comment, this is a public forum. If you want watered down opinions or just a discussion amongst friends, then maybe you should keep it private within emails. I was just trying to give my viewpoint on this situation since you seem so distressed about them not hiring you. A situation similar to yours occurred in my office last year. My boss kept on telling the temp. secretery that he was going to hire her, but in reality he was mainly trying to keep her there until someone better came along.

I am sick of people in this forum having their opinions discounted because they are "new".

I don't think Boop was wrong to post what she did (though it could have been framed in a more sensitive way), and I don't think Nylabelle was wrong to be hurt and irritated by it either.  These are people's real-life situations that we are posting advice to - we need to be mindful when we poke fingers into others wounds, however well meaning.  Boops message implies that it's Nyla's fault for being in or perpetuating her situation, which IMO is what put Nyla on the defensive - rightfully so.  She's a concientious and intelligent young woman, so hearing someone say "Maybe it's your fault" hurts.  It's never a good feeling for someone to confirm the worst things you think about yourself indeed could be true.  That doesn't mean we can't dissent, but when it comes to dealing with someones personal situation as opposed to a general debate, we need to be sensitive that we are poking at someone's bruises.  Dissent expressed as genuine concern will be more well-received than dissent laying blame.

I apologize if I've put any untrue words in your mouth, Nyla.

Edit:  Cross posted with just about everyone.

-- Edited by LMonet at 15:49, 2005-10-12

*

-- Edited by NylaBelle at 08:46, 2005-10-13

LMonet wrote:

---

I don't think Boop was wrong to post what she did (though it could have been framed in a more sensitive way), and I don't think Nylabelle was wrong to be hurt and irritated by it either.  These are people's real-life situations that we are posting advice to - we need to be mindful when we poke fingers into others wounds, however well meaning.  Boops message implies that it's Nyla's fault for being in or perpetuating her situation, which IMO is what put Nyla on the defensive - rightfully so.  She's a concientious and intelligent young woman, so hearing someone say "Maybe it's your fault" hurts.  It's never a good feeling for someone to confirm the worst things you think about yourself indeed could be true.  That doesn't mean we can't dissent, but when it comes do dealing with someones personal situation as opposed to a general debate, we need to be sensitive that we are poking at someone's bruises.  Dissent expressed as genuine concern will be more well-received than that expressed in what could be interpreted as an accusing tone.
I apologize if I've put any untrue words in your mouth, Nyla.

---

I'm just going to add one final thought to this. Boop never said that it was Nyla's fault. She said maybe they didn't want to hire her permanently. That could be for a number of reasons whether it be that Nyla is not what they are currently looking for, or if they're not ready to pay someone permanently for her position; none of which is Nyla's "fault."

At any rate, Nyla, good luck with the whole situation. I hope your boss returns your email. I don't know what your boss is like but maybe he is testing you to see how perserverent (sp?) you are to see if you will go directly face to face with him for the job. Just a thought. Good luck.

*

-- Edited by NylaBelle at 08:46, 2005-10-13