STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

So conflicted

laken1 · Hermes

I'm so sorry! I know it just sucks when the person you feel in love with turns out to be everything you never thought they would. But really, it's his responsibility & I know it doesn't help you, but he has to live with his choices. One day he may realize all he has done & hopefully the guilt will eat him alive - I am a bit vengeful myself!

Divorce is one of the hardest things you will have to deal with - it is much like dealing with a death. I think it's just important that you know what you are going through is normal, you will grieve your old life, your hopes & dreams, the loss of your marriage. It's so hard, but I promise - PROMISE - it will get better & you will get through it. I've said it before, but the book in the link below really got me through my divorce - it helped me realize I was going through the steps of grieving & that was comforting somehow. PM me your address & i'll send it to you! Also, if your insurance covers it, or if you can swing it financially, maybe go talk to a therapist? It really can be a big help. But I know it must be hard for you financially not receiving child support - which has to be MY BIGGEST peeve in the whole world - can I go beat him up on your child's behalf, please?????

I have been reading your posts & it always warms my heart to see what a caring & wonderful mom you are. That is all you can do for your son. Take care of yourself & feel free to vent here all you want!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/188623017X/104-0067445-9039965?v=glance&n=283155&s=books&v=glance

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

-- Edited by leah_leanna on Sunday 25th of July 2010 06:47:29 PM

blubirde · Chanel

leah_leanna wrote:

I think the thing that rouses up all the stress for me is that a: I can't afford to get a divorce if he isn't contributing child support payments, b: I'm afraid to pursue a divorce on the off chance that he would be awarded any kind of custody or visitation. Scary! But now, with this new news, I feel as though I ought to just serve him the papers. And yet at the same time, now that he has moved back to Cinci, I just know his whole family will back him up (lie blatantly) in divorce court. UGH! I just want to walk away intact and keep my son safe from his insanity.

Is there a Legal Aid or a women's organization in your area? If you're not receiving child support and can't afford a divorce, those groups can help. If you were in Texas, I'd do it for you. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I'd definitely suggest looking to some organizations for support right now. Women in your position need all the support they can get.

Hnag in there and you can always vent here. We'll listen! Hope things get better for you soon, leah_leanna.

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

-- Edited by leah_leanna on Sunday 25th of July 2010 06:48:03 PM

blink · Coach

I don't have advice, but I really feel for you. Drugs really take away loved ones, especially those who might have some unresolved commitment or impulsive issues in the first place. Be strong, I can tell that you will get through this the best way possible for your son.

blubirde · Chanel

leah_leanna wrote:

Good advice really...except for one small detail. In order to get the restraining order I had gone through the Legal Aid society. They had at the time said they would follow through with the divorce case. But then they downsized their staff and dropped my case due to lack of staff. The only offer they had for me was a reduced fee referral...but at this stage in the game I can't even afford that. taking a moment to feel sorry for myself

Two thoughts: 1) Are there any women's shelters in your area? Not that you need to go to one but they probably have a list of pro bono attorneys or organizations that can provide legal assistance to someone in your situation. 2) Are there any law schools in your area with domestic violence clinics? The law school I went to did work like you need for women (and I suppose men) for a fee of like $30. It might be worth a look to see if something like that exists. Of course, a "safeplace" type organization might know that and save you some research time.

You live in Columbus Ohio, right?

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

-- Edited by leah_leanna at 12:24, 2005-10-06

-- Edited by leah_leanna on Sunday 25th of July 2010 06:48:33 PM

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

leah_leanna, i just wanted to say that i think you're incredible. i think you are an incredible mother and an incredible person. i can't believe you are having to deal with such madness, but you are doing it with grace and courage. you are a strong and beautiful woman and i applaud you.

(((((((((((((hugs and hugs and hugs and hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Sweetie - it'll be ok. Just be sad right now. Or hate him. And work on creating the life you want. Easier said than done, I know. But if you're holding it together the way ti sounds like you are, you'e already doing great. And I'm so sorry this guy couldn't be as wonderful as you deserve.

NCshopper · Hermes

God, what an awful situation.

I wish I had some advice to give you, but I don't, but I just want to let you know that my heart goes out to you and your son. I'm so sorry your marriage didn't turn out the way you deserve and that your son isn't getting the dad he undoubtedly deserves. I'll keep you guys in my thoughts.

Deuce · Dooney & Bourke

Just a suggestion for when the day comes and you do get the divorce and have to have a custody battle. Keep a journal. it is very important to start this now so when his family tries to lie you are ready. write when he calls, what he says, the length of time he goes w/o calling or seeing you child... Oh yeah and when he gives you any ($ even $1 to prove you are not just saying 0 $)

I think this is super important and cannot hurt anything. I am so sorry for the little one that his/her dad is a jack a@@. But he is super lucky to have a great mom and that is the most important thing right now.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

what a terrible, terrible situation. i have to echo the other girls' comments of admiration for your strength and integrity. I hope you can work through this nightmare soon and go about rebuilding.

Ritz · Dooney & Bourke

Leah_Leanna-

my best friend interned with columbus legal aid this past summer, so i looked it up when i read your post.

http://www.columbuslegalaid.org/index.php

i don't know if you have worked with them or not but it says they have experience in divorce, dissolution, custody, etc.

maybe that would help you out?

or maybe you could contact someone at Moritz? the OSU law school? http://moritzlaw.osu.edu/index.html

I know right now you are just more upset than anything, but it seems to me that once you end this once and for all, you will truly be able to move on ..

hth! and i also agree... i admire what you are doing more than you could know.

bex · Chanel

Leah_leanna:

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i echo Ritz's suggestions at OSU and i would look into Capital as well. They are extremely well known for their law school and I am sure you could find something there that could help you out.

you are a great mom! i love hearing stories about you and your son. keep your head up and everything will turn out for you!!

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

-- Edited by leah_leanna on Sunday 25th of July 2010 06:49:04 PM

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

Deuce wrote:

Just a suggestion for when the day comes and you do get the divorce and have to have a custody battle. Keep a journal. it is very important to start this now so when his family tries to lie you are ready. write when he calls, what he says, the length of time he goes w/o calling or seeing you child... Oh yeah and when he gives you any ($ even $1 to prove you are not just saying 0 $) I think this is super important and cannot hurt anything. I am so sorry for the little one that his/her dad is a jack a@@. But he is super lucky to have a great mom and that is the most important thing right now.

Such a great suggestion. I will have to get to work on this.

poptart · Coach

I am so sorry. I don't feel like I can add anything to what others have said. Your reaction makes complete sense to me, and it seems logical that you'd be sad for the possibilities he had on his own and that you had together.

Good for you for being strong enough to leave - for your sake and your son's (your child is a boy, right?)

Bastet · Kate Spade

I don't know much about divorce law, but most states do have laws where if someone does not pay child support for a certain period of time, or owes a certain amount of money, they can be sent to jail and/or have their wages garnished. If it gets messy, you could probably get the child support money. *hug*

kenzie · Chanel

Bastet wrote:

I don't know much about divorce law, but most states do have laws where if someone does not pay child support for a certain period of time, or owes a certain amount of money, they can be sent to jail and/or have their wages garnished. If it gets messy, you could probably get the child support money. *hug*

Yeah, it's like that in PA. It happened to my dad when I was really young. He spent a weekend in jail for not paying child support. And he was pretty far behind, so I got checks up until I was 20. Thank goodness that he finally grew up and I actually like my dad now.

Other than that, I don't have much advice, but I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I can't even imagine! {{{{{big hugs}}}}}}