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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Talk me out of seeing this guy... UPDATE
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Ok, there is this law student (strike number one) who seems to be pretty into me. He's a fabulous kisser, very sweet, lots of fun, sensitive, a really good listener who always seems to totally get what I'm saying, as opposed to so many guys who either skip ahead to what they think I'm saying, or try to talk me out of what I think. He's smart, doing well in school, into environmental law and we have tons in common. Oh, and did I mention he is EXTREMELY good looking and considered a huge catch around the school.

But.... He described his last girlfriend as "a psycho who faked a pregnancy." His family sounds like a nightmare - mine is too, so this is actually a neutral one for me, but I know it can be a red flag depending on how he deals with them. He has mentioned getting drunk, pissing people off and basically almost getting in bar fights with strangers - he's completely stereotypically Irish, btw, but that doesn't make it ok. Oh, and he's 25 (I'm gulp, 30).

So basically, except for the goodlooking thing and the age difference, he's sounding a lot like my ex. Who was a great guy in like two out of a possible 15 ways, but mostly just a huge hassle who I now wish would drop off the face of planet earth - on which he is a bloated, two-faced, drunk-ass blight. But somehow I seem to keep drifting into going out with this guy. I can't figure out if I just want someone. Or I just want someone like my ex (who I actually miss a lot lately - for totally unhealthy reasons). Or I just want someone to make the last guy who dumped me jealous. None of these are good reasons to go out with someone who is not goign to be good for me. But I have a date with him Sunday. And I'm actually looking forward to it... Y'all, what the hell is wrong with me?

UPDATE - I've had it with this guy. I have not had time with him since our last date more than a week ago, and we've had barely two phone conversations. I understood he was having a crazy week - he honestly had tests, papers, a final and a job interview - and overlooked it when I thought we might see eachother Wednesday and he didn't return my call because he was out with some buddy who came into town unexpectedly - in other words, a quasi-standing up.

So I finally ran into him last night and he said he has another crazy week coming up this week. And he'll be out of town again this weekend. Y'all. I don't even know what to say. i pick assholes.

The last guy stood me up early on because of a buddy coming into town unexpectedly too, now that I'm thinking about it. What the hell? It's like they are all reading off the same playbook.

Anyway, I can't decide exactly what to do. But there are too many red flags here for me to ignore. So I'm going to end it somehow, either by letting it peter out or, better yet, I'll tell him I'm too busy to see much of him...

-- Edited by Dizzy at 18:59, 2005-10-10

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Coach

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RE: Talk me out of seeing this guy...
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I don't have any advice, but I actually had a very sane friend (at least now she is) who went berserk for one particular guy who wouldn't give her his heart, so she faked a pregnancy and an abortion to get his attention.  It got his attention, but not his heart, and he eventually figured out the whole lie and he was so freaked that he moved to another state!  I guess my point is, can't always judge a guy by his ex-girlfriend...neccessarily.

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janey831


Kate Spade

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i think we have the same problem....and i have yet to figure out what is wrong with me! i just know  that if i like a guy, there HAS to be something wrong with him, because i tend to be attracted to all the wrong ones!

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killa


Dooney & Bourke

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Well, I guess we're all (me included) attracted to the wrong ones. WHY?? WHY??

If you are anything like me, you will be drawn to him until it's done. That is, if you have to keep seeing him (because of the magnet effect you are feeling), then do it. Otherwise, you won't be happy. The good thing is, you already are aware of the red flags, right?

I am 29 (and a half!) and was/am dating this guy who just turned 25. He has been nothing but trouble, but every time he calls, my stomach flips. So I guess I gotta let it run its course. That being said, I am still dating other guys and keeping my eyes peeled for any potential "right" ones.

What are you going to do?

I say, just have fun. Try to keep it casual and keep those red flags in check in the back of your mind. If you can do that, you should be ok.

Let me know how it goes.

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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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all right, all right, i know there's been a lot of law student/lawyer bashing going on, most of which is completely deserved.  but here's the thing--they're not all bad.  some of them, yes, definitely.  others, not so much.  besides, there are just as many a**hole doctors with god complexes and no personalities as there are a**hole lawyers with arrogant king of the world issues.


so anyway, let me tell you a story about a pair of law students i knew--J and T. T was 23, conventionally good looking, came from tons of money (his last name was literally all over our school because his grandparents were huge donors) and if you didn't really know him, could come off pretty cocky.  J was 30, truly such a sweetheart and very wary about going out with T, mostly because of the age thing (or at least that's what my friend N told me, who was very close w/ J).  long story short, T finally convinced J to go out with him, they did, they went through so much together (T's mom was really sick for a while) and recently got married.  I didn't really know J all that well, I knew T better and I remember thinking he talks about her in the happiest tones, I'm so glad they found each other.  


So who knows, Dizzy, this guy could just be your T.  Don't let yesterday's baggage weigh you down.  If it doesn't work out, hey you've been through worse.  You can handle a little law school romance (if that's all it turns out to be).   



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splash


Kenneth Cole

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I know that feeling - it's hard to resist some guys, even if they seem objectively bad!

But I guess I agree with others that you can take the risk and keep seeing him, as long as you keep in mind these potential issues. I also knew a guy whose ex had faked pregnancy, and as far as I can tell the negative things he said about her were deserved. Drinking - this one worries me more, but what tone does he talk about this in? Bragging? Embarrassed? As funny stories? I think it depends a lot on the frequnecy of this, too. My impression (no personal experience) is that law students tend to drink a fair amount, so maybe he's the norm in his social setting (not that this necessarily makes it ok). Overall, though, seems like thinking of him as a fun short-term thing is the best.

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blubirde


Chanel

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Well it's Sunday so I guess you're either in the process of a date or already at home after having the date.


And you know, very well, my feelings about dating law students/lawyers. That said, it's all based on a particular type of person. I don't like lawyers because of certain characteristics that they possess. Of course there are guys out there who aren't like everyone else. (I didn't happen to go to law school with any of them but that's beside the point.)


Basically if you like him, screw it. (I said "it" not "him" ) Rules are meant to be broken, right? Besides, the "don't date lawyers" rule is really more of a guideline than an actual rule. They can't ALL be bad. So enjoy yourself! Give him a go and see how it works out. But like you said, you already see some red flags so keep your guard up. Good luck and let us know how it goes/went!!



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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Ok, the date was great. Really great. Actually, it was two dates because we went out Saturday night on a whim, too (he has three papers, two tests and one final exam coming up this week because he's in a joint jd/public interest program, so I didn't think I'd get to see him much this week, but the study breaks keep stretching longer). He is such a good listener that I think he now knows more about me than my ex. He is an incredible kisser - and y'all know me, so that's all we've done so far. He managed to avoid yelling at anyone in the bar, which is good. And god he's cute. So, so, so cute. (Terrible dresser, though - completely color blind). Anyway, the guard is still up. But I can tell I'm starting to like him a lot. And I don't think it's because I want to make someone jealous or anything else like that. So we'll see what happens...

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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RE: Talk me out of seeing this guy... UPDATE
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bump - because i could use a couple "aw dizzy, you're too good for him" comments. oh well. what's that phrase? "charge it to the game..." oh my gosh, I can't believe I just thought that, let alone typed it....

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janey831


Kate Spade

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Aw, Dizzy, youre too good for him!


But seriously, he doesnt have time to even give you a phone call.  I mean it doesnt take that long jsut to grab a cup of coffee and chat or something.  Although, it does kind of sound like he is busy, but if you feel in your gut, that he is brushing you off, then you deserve someone who will make time for you.



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blubirde


Chanel

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Guys are so stupid sometimes. (I guess girls are too.) If you really like someone, you MAKE time for them, no matter how busy you are. That's just the way it is. The whole, "I'm really busy" excuse is just that, an excuse. YOU ARE DEFINITELY TOO GOOD FOR HIM.


I'd just let it peter its way out unless he wants to do something and then I'd conveniently be "too busy." But actually, I'd try to be busy so it wouldn't be lame. There's nothing worse than telling a guy you're too busy to see him and you're actually at home flipping channels. I mean unless it's a good tv show.


Anyone who doesn't see how amazing you are deserves to be left in your dust. Don't let him get you down. You can do so much better!



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killa


Dooney & Bourke

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wow. Sorry about him.

You know what? You are too busy!
Just move on. Fill your schedule with dinner with friends, shopping, family time, etc.

He sooo does not deserve your time.

I know it's hard, especially when you *want* to see him, but you have to blow him off.

Stay tough. Keep repeating your mantra: I deserve so much better.

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Elle


Hermes

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Sorry Dizzy! 


Aren't there animals that disguise themselves for the purpose of attracting prey, but their intention is obviously to eat them?


Maybe he hasn't evolved quite far enough to make him human !


You can do better - your time can be better spent with people who can appreciate you!



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laken1


Hermes

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I just read your update & i'm disappointed for you. But you know what....NEXT! He's so not worth wasting your time or even thoughts on. Stupid ass - missing out on you.


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