STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

tara t · Marc Jacobs

i'm a bad person.

jj · Kate Spade

YES!! I was so there about 5 years ago when almost ALL of my friends got married in one summer. I was happy for them, but sooooooo ready to be in that phase of my life too.

lsubatgirl · Gucci

haha. that was me for the past year or two. I was such a bitch at weddings until I realized that I didn't want that right now. Now I'm not so bad at weddings. I think its perfectly normal to wish it was you and be jealous. Don't feel bad.

blink · Coach

yes, it is pretty normal. be patient and easy on yourself and try not to think too hard about it. enjoy the moment.

it's also normal to be newly married without kids yet and feel annoyed (not jealous, but not the right kind of excited for them) when everyone starts having babies....haha, I used to be one of those people....now I have a baby and I can't even relate to the "meanie" I used to be. And now I get super excited for expectant moms, even when I don't know them well, and I love weddings!

When I didn't used to enjoy weddings, I always looked forward to the cake...because isn't it always just the best tasting piece of cake you will have for a while??

bumblebee · Coach

um, i've been there. the thing that usually snaps me out of it is thinking about whether i would be willing to trade my life 100% for that other person's circumstances (marry that guy, have that apartment, etc.) and the answer is always a solid "no." so i guess mine was more just being jealous of my friends all moving forward in their lives and having a stable relationship that made them happy, not their specific relationship or husband. and i haven't felt that way in a long time.

the thing that is worse for me is when friends downplay their engagement/baby happiness/whatever because they expect that i (or other single friends) will certainly feel bad and jealous. the unwarranted pity is WAY worse--it's really condescending, even though i know they don't mean it that way.

blubirde · Chanel

Don't feel bad! I do the same thing but not just with people being engaged. One of my best coworker friends just got a new job and I'm so, so jealous! I can't even really be happy for him because I'm so sad for me losing my friend at work. I feel terrible, too!

As for the engaged thing, my BFF is the first of all my friends to get married and I'm not jealous at all. Especially not after seeing all the work that goes into planning a wedding - it's too, too tiresome! And plus I'm so happy for her because I know how much heartache she's gone through with boys and I love her fiance. That said, before I accepted the above, I was jealous of the happiness she had found and I was afraid I'd be left all alone, the only one without the successfuly, happy relationship. Luckily I know that's not true because I can have a happy, successful relationship with just me if I want.

Yep, yep, yep.

It's all in how you look at it. But I agree, weddings suck - especially if you are single when you go to them. That's why there's alcohol, right?

DC Shopper · Dooney & Bourke

you're not a bad person, tara t! but as a recently married person with single friends who can't seem to be happy for engaged friends, I say you have nothing to be jealous about. You are young, beautiful, and single - enjoy it! Being married/in love is a wonderful thing, and it IS annoying when people rub it in your face. But try not to be jealous/pouty because there's no reason to. Just because other people are getting married doesn't mean you won't be someday too. And you want people to be happy for you when that time comes, don't you? Sorry if I sound all chirpy and preachy, but I'm having issues with single friends. They don't want to go out w/ married people b/c we ruin their chances of hooking up in bars, and they are way too self conscious about being single. I don't get why! I loved being single! And I miss hanging out with my friends like I did in the old days.

edited for clarity.

-- Edited by DC Shopper at 17:16, 2005-09-28