My main point is that you're judging yourself really harshly. Not that you judge others unfairly. I don't think anyone wants to put you on the defensive. And I don't see the point in picking it all apart - how down are you, how negative are the circumstances, is there a point to my contention that your boyfriend is only successful in one area of his life... These are not important issues.
The important thing is that you seem to be in pain. And you are unrelentingly negative in your comments about your life and your situation. No one thinks you are wrong about your life. It's just that, everything else being equal, not being depressed gives you more options in how you view the world. Right now you're looking at things in the most hurtful way possible. And you sound completely miserable. I hope you feel better soon.
And maybe I'm having a hard time letting this sit because I lost/gave up my husband, my support group, my friends, my adopted hometown, my favorite aunt to cancer and my successful career in one three-month period last year - the first three months of law school, which is draining enough. And my family only calls me when they want money, so there was no one there for me at all. It sucked. And now one year later I may not be back to 100 percent, but things are mostly fine again. So I do know how bad things can feel. And how quickly they can turn around. Pretty much every "successful" person I know has a similar story.
Look at it this way, this will be your make-the-grandkids-groan-about-hard-times story. Or something you'll tell the people who will want mentoring when you're a brilliant success. Or just something to be proud of later, when you've survived and things are good again. So please don't pick this apart and post why you think I'm wrong in paragraph b, subsection 1 (have you thougt about law school btw). I may be wrong on some minor point, but overall I really just want the best for you. So just please think about being happy again, focus on that, and dont' worry about anything else.
The important thing is that you seem to be in pain. And you are unrelentingly negative in your comments about your life and your situation. No one thinks you are wrong about your life. It's just that, everything else being equal, not being depressed gives you more options in how you view the world. Right now you're looking at things in the most hurtful way possible. And you sound completely miserable. I hope you feel better soon.
I agree. I don't think "popping a pill" is the answer, but sometimes things seem so hopeless and bad that it's hard to see what's really there and other options/ways out/etc. Sometimes a change in perspective can really, really help me feel less sad.
I wouldn't have even started this suggestion to you Nylabelle, except that you remind me so very much of myself and a very dear friend of mine. She was diagnosed with major depression and struggles with it time to time. My issues were based on experiences, not chemical imbalances, so I can understand both areas. The thing about depression (chemical or situational) is that you can't just snap out of it and it spirals out of control. The results can be so devastating.
I'm not going to sit here and argue with you about how you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for (although you are) because I don't think it will do any good. But please, from someone who has been where you are and has seen it close up as well, please try to help yourself. I can't stand to see you so down and upset. It really bothers me to see you so sad.
bumblebee, Dizzy and blubirde, thank you for your concern and your thoughts. It does mean alot that you all care. I never meant for this post to turn into a big discussion. But anyway...
For the first time in my life, I can honestly understand the statement, "I don't know what I want, but I know it's not this." I've always had such clear direction and in recent months (even weeks) it has become more and more muddled. I have to update my resume, but I don't have the slightest idea of how to do it b/c my experience is all over the place. My internship and extracurricular experience shares the common thread of creativity. My actual real world work experience isn't something that I particularly want to highlight on my resume b/c it gets me raised eyebrows and comment like, "oh, you're just a receptionist" and 'oh, you worked in retail?' (true stories--it's happened more than once. Maybe that's why I have a complex.)
Anyway, I can't really do anything about therapy at the moment b/c I don't have health insurance and from what I hear, therapy ain't cheap! When I have health insurance, maybe I'll think about it.
Dizzy, you aren't the first person to ask me if I've thought about being a lawyer. I have. I've seriously considered it (either communication or entertainment law, specifically), but I don't know if I would really want to deal with law school. It is something to consider, though.
Dizzy, you aren't the first person to ask me if I've thought about being a lawyer. I have. I've seriously considered it (either communication or entertainment law, specifically), but I don't know if I would really want to deal with law school. It is something to consider, though.
One good thing about law school is, it's a clean slate. It sounds like you are growing really frustrated with your work experiences/other activities being all over the map and not really adding up to qualifications that are relevant to the kinds of positions you want to apply for. But everyone who goes to law school is coming there from somewhere else, so your past experience doesn't matter, at least in the sense that you won't be judged by it. It doesn't require prior experience of any kind; it's the only graduate program I can think of where you don't have to have experience, whether undergraduate or real-world, in the field. And once you are a law student or a lawyer no one cares what you did before that, because the only things that matter are your GPA and LSAT for getting into schools and then your GPA and extracurriculars once you are in school. I'm not advocating or not advocating that you pursue it, but when you mentioned law school it struck me that that particular clean-slate aspect of it might be particularly appealing to someone in your situation. Just a thought.