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wetbandit42


Marc Jacobs

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Friend issue - using me?
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I need advice on how to deal with a friend who uses me. She's actually my bff, and she's one of these people who tends to feel slighted, even in situations where she shouldn't.

Anyways, to make a long story short, she's asked me twice now to pick her up at work & then take her someplace (she just asked me again a few minutes ago, to pick her up, take her to the bank & to Target). She works about 25 minutes away from me, but factor in rush hour, and it would take me around 45 minutes to get there, plus a similar amount of time to get to her side of town. She has a car, but it needs a few parts (which are cheap to replace) & she claims she can't afford to buy the parts. In the meantime she's been using her boyfriend's car, but she just told me he won't let her use it anymore because someone side-swiped her today when she was driving it. Our friendship has a long history of these types of requests from her.

I don't know if she thinks I'm stupid, but it's obvious (at least to me) that she's using me. I know she's my best friend, but there's a difference between being there for someone in a pinch & being taken advantage of. Anyways, I don't know how to approach the situation and I'm getting tired of making up excuses. I hate confrontation, though. no

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NCshopper


Hermes

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The more passive route would be just to claim that you have plans next time she calls or ask her if there's anyone else she can call, but I don't think that's going to fix the problem long term. The more assertive route (while also still being polite) would be to say, "You know, if you're in a bind today I'm happy to do it, but this is it--you really need to get your car fixed."

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Boots


Gucci

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NCshopper wrote:

The more passive route would be just to claim that you have plans next time she calls or ask her if there's anyone else she can call, but I don't think that's going to fix the problem long term. The more assertive route (while also still being polite) would be to say, "You know, if you're in a bind today I'm happy to do it, but this is it--you really need to get your car fixed."


I couldn't say it better.  I'm guessing that she's your best friend for many reasons and you should feel comortable saying no when the situation calls for it.  I think a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if you'd want her to help you in a similar situation.  I could see you saying yes, I'd ask for a ride if I needed it once.  But the 3rd or 4th time?



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wetbandit42


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2255
Date:
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Boots wrote:

 

NCshopper wrote:

The more passive route would be just to claim that you have plans next time she calls or ask her if there's anyone else she can call, but I don't think that's going to fix the problem long term. The more assertive route (while also still being polite) would be to say, "You know, if you're in a bind today I'm happy to do it, but this is it--you really need to get your car fixed."


I couldn't say it better.  I'm guessing that she's your best friend for many reasons and you should feel comortable saying no when the situation calls for it.  I think a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if you'd want her to help you in a similar situation.  I could see you saying yes, I'd ask for a ride if I needed it once.  But the 3rd or 4th time?

 


Thanks ladies! I ignored the text she sent me last night ashamed, but if she texts me again I'll go this route. I have no problem helping her if she's in a bind, but this has veered into taking-advantage. She's got a perfectly good car that needs about $100 worth of parts, and her boyfriend's car. She shouldn't keep texting me for rides. I also kind of think she probably was the side-swiper in yesterday's incident rather than the side-swipee... she's a terrible driver! That's prob. why her boyfriend doesn't want her driving his car.

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D


Hermes

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I agree with everyone else. If it were me, I'd offer to pay for her repairs. But I tend to be really generous that way.

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Suasoria


Chanel

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Posts: 3120
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I'm a nice person too but not as nice as D!

This sounds like one of those situations in which it's easier to say "yes, but..." than "no." So, not tonight, but I can take you Saturday morning, I can pick you up at 11. Target and the bank aren't really emergencies, they can wait a few days in exchange for you not having to fight rush hour traffic.

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