STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Tati · Chanel

I blame parents for kids being out of control/brats

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

Ugh. It's one thing when they belong to strangers at a restaurant. But, when they're with your party, that's tough! Way to vent! Get it out! :)

Suasoria · Chanel

See, you're a parent so you're allowed to talk about it. I don't have kids so if I say something like this, I'm a bitch who will never understand how difficult child-raising is. Well, (a) I was once a child so I'm entitled to have an opinion, and (b) I don't understand how difficult skiing is either but I can tell when someone is doing a bad job of it.

Yana · Dooney & Bourke

The problem is that it's not that the parents let them, some kids don't listen...like mine...For the longest time we haven't taken them to "decent" places like cafes/restaurants: they don't listen, loud, throw stuff....We are threatening, raise voices, but you can't in public...trust me, I'm a "bad cop" at home, I'm mortified when my kid even raises his brow in a funny way, I'm all over him, but...still not always help...only when you are a parent you can empathize...it's hard...I don't justify, I do not accept this behaviour, so my kids don't go to the restaurants, if they do - it's a rare occasion & my husband & I don't relax, watching them like a herd...tough....

Hermes

People teach their kids how to treat them. If the parents cave to the behavior, the kid knows they can get away with it. Letting them run around like banshees in a place other than their own home or a playground is not acceptable. If it had been me with the kids, I would have rounded up the monsters, apologized to my friend, made other arrangements to have her over for lunch instead, and went home with the kids. Being oblivious to the comfort of others around you is bad etiquette -- if you can't control your kids in that type of environment, don't take them out, IMO.

kenzie · Chanel

OMG. This is how it is every time we go out with DH's family. There are 7 kids under the age of 9 (plus a few over the age of 9, too) and none of them really know how to behave. They get up, run around, play tag, crawl under the table. It's embarrassing.

Since I wanted them to be at the wedding dinner, but I knew they would be terribly unruly, we booked a private room in a restaurant so we wouldn't bother the other guests. I can't stand it. The kids are sweet, but definitely do not behave at restaurants at all. Actually, the best behaved child out of the bunch is a 6 year old boy who has autism. He usually sits and behaves himself while the others run around like banshees, but his parents are also better with discplining him and making him behave.

-- Edited by kenzie on Thursday 13th of January 2011 09:23:53 AM

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

Lots of kids seem to go through a phase where eating at a restaurant shouldn't be an option, because they just don't behave there. I wish the parents would recognize this and just not take them out with them. Friends of ours are going through this right now. Their son can't seem to sit still during a meal at home, and they are working on that. But, it is made 1000 times worse in a restaurant. So now they get a sitter or we do carry out over at their place. Problem solved.

I will say that parents can make poor decisions regarding which restaurants they take their kids to. I remember being at a nice Thai place, and there were several young children (3-5 years old) a few tables over, as part of a group of 8-10 or so. I did hear one of the kids complain that they didn't like the food. But, otherwise the kids were being 3-5 year olds. One apparently wanted to go see the fish tank and later wanted to go see the statue. Their parent was YELLING at them about how they weren't going to do that. I didn't hear the childs request, but did hear the parents reply. The parent had the nerve to mention that the kid was disrupting the restaurant. No they weren't, it was the parent that was being disruptive. I've got an idea, try Thai out on a kid at home, and have some chicken nuggets at the ready. Not all young children are going to take to thai food!

Now that I've vented too, I will say that I think part of the problem is that I see a lot of parents telling their kids what to do and not do, but not spending any time talking to them as actual people. If I was bossed around all day, I'd probably blow a gasket too. Sure, instruction is part of parenting, but that shouldn't be the ONLY communication you engage in.

Hermes

greendiamond wrote:

Lots of kids seem to go through a phase where eating at a restaurant shouldn't be an option, because they just don't behave there. I wish the parents would recognize this and just not take them out with them. Friends of ours are going through this right now. Their son can't seem to sit still during a meal at home, and they are working on that. But, it is made 1000 times worse in a restaurant. So now they get a sitter or we do carry out over at their place. Problem solved.

I will say that parents can make poor decisions regarding which restaurants they take their kids to. I remember being at a nice Thai place, and there were several young children (3-5 years old) a few tables over, as part of a group of 8-10 or so. I did hear one of the kids complain that they didn't like the food. But, otherwise the kids were being 3-5 year olds. One apparently wanted to go see the fish tank and later wanted to go see the statue. Their parent was YELLING at them about how they weren't going to do that. I didn't hear the childs request, but did hear the parents reply. The parent had the nerve to mention that the kid was disrupting the restaurant. No they weren't, it was the parent that was being disruptive. I've got an idea, try Thai out on a kid at home, and have some chicken nuggets at the ready. Not all young children are going to take to thai food!

Now that I've vented too, I will say that I think part of the problem is that I see a lot of parents telling their kids what to do and not do, but not spending any time talking to them as actual people. If I was bossed around all day, I'd probably blow a gasket too. Sure, instruction is part of parenting, but that shouldn't be the ONLY communication you engage in.

Really good point. I think there's a lot to be said for building mutual respect.

Boots · Gucci

I don't have kids, but go out with friends and cousins who have young children. And I'm pleased to say that for the most part, they are all well behaved at restaurants. How did they do it? They tell the child no, then follow it up with a consequence if the child ignores them. My best friend and I took her youngest to a sit down/family style place just before Christmas. The child is almost 4 and a handful and a half. When she started getting antsy, my friend told her to sit still or else she would stay home the next time. It helped that my friend had thought ahead and had some books and crayons ready to distract the child. I've also been with a mom who told her children that if they didn't behave, we'd leave even if the meal wasn't finished. And she held true to her word when they acted up. I wasn't happy to leave my dinner half eaten, but the next time we all went out, those kids were good as gold.

I think a lot of problems come from when parents tell the child no, but then do absolutely nothing when the child ignores them. They are not adults, they're kids and they are going to test your authority and their boundaries. It's part of growing up. And it's part of being a parent to set those limits and then enforce them.

That being said, sometimes kids are just kids. They're not robots. They get tired and bored. Especially young ones. I don't take it personally when little ones like that act up.

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

greendiamond wrote:

Now that I've vented too, I will say that I think part of the problem is that I see a lot of parents telling their kids what to do and not do, but not spending any time talking to them as actual people. If I was bossed around all day, I'd probably blow a gasket too. Sure, instruction is part of parenting, but that shouldn't be the ONLY communication you engage in.

I totally agree. People seem to go from coochie-coo to NO-NO-NO, with nothing in between.

Yana · Dooney & Bourke

Guys, for those who have no kids: the fact that children misbehave is often not because they are not taught any better...I punish, threaten, there are consiquences...however, the child misbehaves, they're unpredictable. Yes, I choose to go nowhere with them, which makes my life difficult, on the other hand - it's not easier by going out with them...but that what kids do, I was very obedient & quiet, so my kids to me a surprise! I'm not used to such behaivor & intolerant of it, but it happens, when you have kids you'll know, sometimes it's just beyond your control. So you punish & teach a lesson, but it's AFTER the event...