STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Yes, you have a lot on your plate. Odd that your mother volunteered for you to cook xmas dinner. Can you let her know you'd be happy to do it next year with a little warning and when you have less going on?

Have you asked her where your old, normal, cool mom went? Seriously -- I would ask her that every time she tries pulling these guilt stunts.

Well to be honest, I'd rather have dinner at my house on Christmas day since we're so busy this year and it means we don't have to drive anywhere for dinner. But, I haven't even thought about the menu (and she invited her best friend and her friend's daughter), so that means more people to cook for. So as annoying as it is, at least we'll be able to stay home this year. We'll just use the moving boxes as tables, I suppose.

Maybe I should ask her that. But I'm sure it would just set her off and she'd start to scream and cry and throw tantrums. She does that on a regular basis now. And if she's not throwing a tantrum, she's badgering me to spend time with her. She asked me at least 6 times why I wouldn't have dinner with her on Saturday evening, even after I told her (the first time she asked) that I wanted to spend the weekend trying to finish as much school work as I could. She continued to bug me about it all day on Saturday. "No" apparently doesn't mean "no" to her. I was actually going to call up my best friend and see if she wanted to come over on Saturday night to help bake cookies and have a girls' night in (and so I could take a break from the school work), but I ended up not doing that because my mom would have been intolerable if she had found out I did that and didn't go to dinner.

I asked SO if it was my imagination or if she really is getting worse, and he said I'm not imagining things. Not a clue how to handle this because I think the only thing that will help is therapy and she is offended by that.

On a sort of funny note, has anyone see the SNL skit, "Your Mom is on Facebook"? Yeah...that's my life.

You know, when each of my brothers got married, my mom freaked out in a clingy/makes no sense sort of way too. Maybe it's just the idea of the wedding (I know that you're having a low key wedding, but it still means a change) is setting her off? And mix in the holidays on top of it. Maybe it'll get better after Jan 1st?

Fingers crossed!

Yana wrote:

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YOur mom sounds like she should celebrate Hannukah instead of Christmas...with my mother:)!!! G-d...My mom thinks that since we're not teenagers anymore, why not to celebrate all occasions like birthdays not with your same age crowd - but you have to throw parents into that too, why? what are you talking about that we can't know?! (I"m 36....), so...yeah...I think she's also stressed about your upcoming nuptuals, congrats again, btw! & probably menopausal ( right, is she that age?), so her hormonal & emotional states are unstable. I know from 1st hand - you want to yell back, & sometimes i do, but really & better - you should let it slide & for a few situations just explain peacefully your point. Peacefully...HAve GREAT holidays & please post your wedding pics!!! Also, best of luck to your finals!

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LOL on the once you're older than a teenager, the 'rents think it's okay to hang out with you all the time. Unfortunately menopause is not an excuse. That's over and done with.

Thanks for the congrats and good luck wishes for my finals. I'll definitely share some pics (of the wedding day, not the finals).

Suasoria wrote:

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I was totes thinking menopause too.

Can you do a potluck for Christmas dinner? You do the main dish and assign the rest to her and her guests?* Or pick up the bulk of the dinner from a restaurant the day before?

I really like "where did my normal, cool mom go???" I have to remember that for my next brawl with my mother.

* Just don't do it like Marney

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2010/11/24/happy-thanksgiving-from-afp/

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So I tried that line and it only ended in yet another fiasco. Too bad because I thought it was a good line, too. But she just turned in back on me and said something about how crappy her life is and how she's just never going to be the same since she broke up with the guy she was dating (whom she dated for just over a year and they broke up almost two years ago). It was just such a "huge, devastating event" for her that she doesn't think she'll ever be the same. I suggested counseling and that wasn't well received, either.

(And no, not menopause, see my above post).

I even had SO talk to her because he tends to be less...to the point...than I am and she got angry at him, too. She simply refuses to see that she has a problem. She thinks we're the problem. And that I'm "the only family she has, so I should be understanding of everything."

As for Christmas, I am doing a semi-potluck style, so that will be sort of helpful. But I wasn't planning on having dinner until 5 pm and told the guests to arrive at 3 for drinks and hors d'oeuvres. My mother informed me that was unacceptable and that she would be arriving at noon. Noon!!! And when I told her that I preferred she come later, she screamed, "I'm not sitting around by myself all day on Christmas day!"

*Sigh*

At least my semester is over now and I aced all of my final projects! One less thing to worry about.


-- Edited by kenzie on Monday 20th of December 2010 01:15:34 PM

Have you thought about going to therapy yourself? My mom has done some really hurtful things to me and I go to a therapist to learn how to deal with her. It's been really helpful for me.