STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

kenzie · Chanel

RE: Ugh. I spoke too soon. (very long)

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Hi sweetie - I'm so glad you mentioned battling depression. I had wanted to say for a long time that your posts seemed to indicate the sort of approach clinically depressed people tend to have. Myself, mother and sister and ex-husband suffered for a very long time with this - it's medical and should be just TREATED already. People wait way too long to handle it. I know I did.

And i really think that if the depression was treated adequately, a lot of problems would seem more solveable and much less threatening to you - does that make sense? Because you deserve to be treated like GOLD and you deserve to be happy and you deserve to have the life you want. And right now, you're battling all these things that aren't really in the way of any of that. Your boyfriend, who doesn't treat you well and, to be honest, probably isn't going to, ever. And your job, which again, is the exact same situation. They aren't fixable. And you don't have to fix them. The only thing that's really going to help is to lift the chemical-caused fog in your brain for a little while. Like Esquiress said, right now this isn't really you being your best self. It's you responding, like anyone would, to some bad situations. And you feel like you're stuck because of the depression. But you're really not.

Anyway, I could be totally wrong. I don't know you, after all. It's just so hard to see anyone hurt the way people I care about have for way too long - so I hope you don't mind my saying something, even if this doesn't ring true to you.

halleybird · Hermes

I don't normally visit this section of the forum, but I was really sad to see your post.

Only you can make a decision for you, but you should remember that every time you take him back after a disastrous event like this, you are validating the behavior. I think he acts this way because he can get away with it.

You are amazing & wonderful. Whatever you do, I hope it's with yourself in mind.

shopgirl82 · Chanel

halleybird wrote:

but you should remember that every time you take him back after a disastrous event like this, you are validating the behavior. I think he acts this way because he can get away with it.

i agree, and i honestly, it just doesn't seem like he respects you the way YOU DESERVE.

he doesn't respect the fact that you are not mean-spirited, and he picks fights to bring out something that normally isn't there. like equiress said, he brings out something in you that you don't normally want to project, anger. (we know you're not an angry Nylabelle).

he doesn't show respect when he doesn't believe you. he should respect you enough to know that you would not lie to him, let alone cheat on him.

not only does he cancel his date with you, he doesn't show respect, in that he doesn't have the common courtesy to call you and tell till it's too late.

then, he doesn't show respect by turning his phone off when he knows you're upset and rightly so (you're his gf, he should want to be there when you're upset, even if he is the reason you are upset).

he doesn't respect your time or money by driving back and forth from your mom's.

respect is the least you deserve from your bf. he's not giving it to you.

i know things are tough for you right now, and while you may not have control over your financial situation, or work situation....you can control who you surround yourself with. he should be helping your problems, not adding to them.

i also agree with the other's in that you need to assess whether or not he makes you feel better or worse about yourself.

take care of yourself.

kenzie · Chanel

Dizzy wrote:

Hi sweetie - I'm so glad you mentioned battling depression. I had wanted to say for a long time that your posts seemed to indicate the sort of approach clinically depressed people tend to have. Myself, mother and sister and ex-husband suffered for a very long time with this - it's medical and should be just TREATED already. People wait way too long to handle it. I know I did. And i really think that if the depression was treated adequately, a lot of problems would seem more solveable and much less threatening to you - does that make sense? Because you deserve to be treated like GOLD and you deserve to be happy and you deserve to have the life you want. And right now, you're battling all these things that aren't really in the way of any of that. Your boyfriend, who doesn't treat you well and, to be honest, probably isn't going to, ever. And your job, which again, is the exact same situation. They aren't fixable. And you don't have to fix them. The only thing that's really going to help is to lift the chemical-caused fog in your brain for a little while. Like Esquiress said, right now this isn't really you being your best self. It's you responding, like anyone would, to some bad situations. And you feel like you're stuck because of the depression. But you're really not. Anyway, I could be totally wrong. I don't know you, after all. It's just so hard to see anyone hurt the way people I care about have for way too long - so I hope you don't mind my saying something, even if this doesn't ring true to you.

Thanks for your thoughts, Dizzy (and everyone else). I think I should clarify that I've never been diagnosed as clinically depressed. I've been to a doctor and I'm not 'depressed' in the medical sense of the word. I've never been medicated or told that I needed to be medicated. I've just been experiencing an extreme set of circumstances (job-related). It's very frustrating when I see everyone around me (my friends, my new roommates- who are 3 years younger than me, my bf, everyone!) succeed or at least advance in their careers while I'm not (and not even close to advancement). It's been 3 years. That's a long time to be actively looking for a job. And trust me, it will wear you down when you are constantly writing cover letters and resumes, and then going on some interviews and you are constantly rejected and you can't figure out why. But, I digress, this is a completely different topic than the one at hand. I just wanted to clarify. I do appreciate all of your thoughts, though. I'm glad that I can come here and vent about things. I hardly ever talk about it with my 'real-life' friends, so you ladies get the brunt of it (and my mom, too). Thanks for listening.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

aw, sweetie.

I don't usually post in this section because I feel like I don't have enough experience of my own in order to give good advice, but you really are not in a good situation right now. I know your struggling with so much and that can be frustrating- but this guy is no good. You're a smart girl and you know that... but I feel like maybe you're holding on becasue it's one of the few relatively stable things you have right now? You are a greta person and you deserve so much better- I think that it's obvious to us and to you that it's not going to come from him. He's just not ready, and I think that as long as he know that you're there he's not going to grow up... becasue he doesn't need to.

nunzi182 · Kate Spade

NylaBelle wrote:

Thanks for your thoughts, Dizzy (and everyone else). I think I should clarify that I've never been diagnosed as clinically depressed. I've been to a doctor and I'm not 'depressed' in the medical sense of the word. I've never been medicated or told that I needed to be medicated. I've just been experiencing an extreme set of circumstances (job-related). It's very frustrating when I see everyone around me (my friends, my new roommates- who are 3 years younger than me, my bf, everyone!) succeed or at least advance in their careers while I'm not (and not even close to advancement). It's been 3 years. That's a long time to be actively looking for a job. And trust me, it will wear you down when you are constantly writing cover letters and resumes, and then going on some interviews and you are constantly rejected and you can't figure out why. But, I digress, this is a completely different topic than the one at hand. I just wanted to clarify. I do appreciate all of your thoughts, though. I'm glad that I can come here and vent about things. I hardly ever talk about it with my 'real-life' friends, so you ladies get the brunt of it (and my mom, too). Thanks for listening.

I'm really not trying to point fingers here or say you have a problem when you don't, but when's the last time that you were screened for depression? I'm currently on medication for mild depression/anxiety. It's a very low dose but it does the trick. The only reason that I ask is that I was in some situations where I felt helpless. I had been looking for a job for a long time and couldn't find one and it really wears down on you and you begin to feel even more helpless. Now remember, I'm not saying you need it, but medication can really clarify things and help to put things into perpective, so that things that used to feel unfixable, suddenly have solutions.

As far as the job interviews, if you feel like you really connected with a company and thought you were going to get the job and didn't, you might want to contact the person you interviewed with to see what it was that made them go with someone else. Explain to them that you are just trying to hone your skills and obtain better interviewing skills or something...I've done it before and it's helped.

kenzie · Chanel

nunzi182 wrote:

I'm really not trying to point fingers here or say you have a problem when you don't, but when's the last time that you were screened for depression? I'm currently on medication for mild depression/anxiety. It's a very low dose but it does the trick. The only reason that I ask is that I was in some situations where I felt helpless. I had been looking for a job for a long time and couldn't find one and it really wears down on you and you begin to feel even more helpless. Now remember, I'm not saying you need it, but medication can really clarify things and help to put things into perpective, so that things that used to feel unfixable, suddenly have solutions. As far as the job interviews, if you feel like you really connected with a company and thought you were going to get the job and didn't, you might want to contact the person you interviewed with to see what it was that made them go with someone else. Explain to them that you are just trying to hone your skills and obtain better interviewing skills or something...I've done it before and it's helped.

I think I will ask for feedback. I've never really tried that and it sounds like a good idea. Sometimes they'll tell me up front what the issue was (it's either been, there was someone else or I made too much money at my current job).

As far as the depression thing, it was recently that I was screened and I'm not. I know you all don't know me in real life, so it's hard to tell from postings. I'm the least depressed person in real life around my friends. I'm just highly frustrated and feel like I'm beating my head up against a brick wall. Three years is a long time. And I just found out a few minutes ago that another one of my friends just found a great job. And here I am, answering phones and making coffee. I just don't get it.